


Heart First

by SkySmoke87



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Equestrian, F/F, F/M, Other, Showjumping, SoManyFeels, Someangst, bestfriendraven, clexafluff, lexacanbeprotectivetoo, protectiveclarke, ravenissosarcastic, shylexa, theequestrianauyoudidntknowyouneeded, theyrereallycuteokay, theyresoinlove, youllhateontari
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-02-07 21:56:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 79,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12850323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkySmoke87/pseuds/SkySmoke87
Summary: Clarke Griffin is an international Show Jumping competitor with a less than stellar reputation outside of the show ring. Lexa is a groom for Clarke's biggest rival. The two meet and there is an instant connection that changes both of their lives forever.OrThe equestrian AU you never knew you needed until now. *MOSTLY Clexa Fluff. They're just really cute okay.ADDED:*yes, I said mostly fluff. Some stuff is triggering/heavy/not easy to read in their backstories. If you can’t handle a few chapters/instances about some heavy stuff, this isn’t your story. The whole thing is not sunshine and rainbows. Don’t like it? Don’t read. Deal with life. I will delete nasty comments.





	1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: I do not own The 100 or the characters, just this story

* * *

Clarke Griffin looked hard to the right, opening her right rein and shifting her weight as her horse landed over the fence. He turned neatly to the right, his ears pricked towards the next fence. She felt his pace quicken and she sat deeper in the saddle, taking back the reins a fraction of an inch to slow him.

"Easy."

She murmured; the vertical was easily the tallest fence on the course and it was the last fence of the course headed towards the barn. It had been making everyone knock the top rail and she was determined to go clean.

Her gelding tossed his head but obediently slowed down. She held him until the last possible second, then rose out of the saddle and moved her hands forward next to his neck, giving him freedom to do his thing. She could tell by the screams from the stands that he'd cleared the jump and she pushed him faster for the few strides before the timer, then she circled him to slow him down.

"Our first clear round, Clarke Griffin riding Solar Eclipse."

"Good boy Helios." Clarke cooed as she patted the geldings neck before pumping one first in the air and waving at the crowd, which prompted another round of screams as she rode out of the arena.

"You killed it Griffin!"

Her best friend and groom for the past three years of showing called as she met her outside of the arena. She took ahold of Helios's rein and started walking next to him as Clarke loosened her helmet strap.

"Another win." She beamed up at Clarke.

"Not yet, Ontari still rides. She could go clean. Don't jinx it Reyes."

"I've got him, go watch her ride. I know you want to."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, go."

Clarke swung out of the saddle and patted Helios on the shoulder before walking back to the arena.

Her and Ontari had been showing against one another for years. Ontari used to ride at the stables that the Griffin family owned, but she couldn't stand Clarke's success so she'd gone to a rival barn and they'd been enemies ever since; always close to each other in the rankings. It had gotten even worse after her mother had purchased her own stables.

Clarke leaned on the rail as Ontari piloted her mare over the first jump. The mare cleared it with ease and Ontari set her sights on the next fence.

The way the girl rode always made Clarke cringe; it wasn't that she was a bad rider, she was just so much more heavy handed and aggressive than Clarke had ever been taught to be. The chestnut mare Ontari was riding didn't always tolerate her riding style well, and today was one of those days. She kicked out as Ontari pulled the reins, asking for a sharp turn to the next fence. Ontari corrected her with a sharp tap from her crop, which made the mare pin her ears and flip her head.

"Ugh, no."

Someone muttered as they slid up to the rail next to Clarke, so close that their elbow brushed hers. Clarke turned to see who it was and found herself looking at one of the prettiest girls she'd ever seen.

She was a brunette with a profile that could have landed her a modeling gig with any modeling agency in the country and green eyes; not the green that made you think of spring, grass, or even emeralds but the green that the ocean sometimes turned in a storm. She bit her bottom lip as she watched Ontari ride. Clarke knew she should be watching Ontari but she found it hard to look away from the girl.

She forced her attention back to the arena as Ontari argued with her mare through the triple combination and somehow made it through clean. The mare was clearly irritated, her tail swishing violently and her head held high in the air.

"Come on, lay off of her for a second."

The brunette mumbled; she clearly knew Ontari, the horse, or both which made Clarke wonder who the hell she was and why she'd never seen her before. The world of horse showing wasn't super small, but Clarke had been in it long enough to know pretty much everyone.

She shook her head to clear her thoughts as Ontari and her mare cleared the second to the last jump. All that was left was the last vertical and if she cleared it there would be a jump off between herself and Clarke.

Ontari's mare bucked as she landed after the fence and Ontari spurred her forward, causing the mare to kick out. Clarke held her breathe; if Ontari didn't get the horse collected they'd never make the jump. She straightened the mare but she wouldn't settle and Ontari used her crop on the stride before the jump. Instead of jumping the mare decided she'd had enough and slid to a stop in front of the fence.

"Dammit!" The brunette cursed as she hit the rail with her fist.

"Rough break. Your horse?" Clarke asked.

"You mean rough ride? And no, I'm just her groom." The girl answered without looking at Clarke.

Clarke smirked at the girls comment about Ontari's riding. Ontari had a reputation for being pretty ruthless and not many people spoke badly about her for fear of retaliation. It also made sense why Clarke had never seen the brunette before; Ontari's help didn't tend to stay long.

Clarke turned her attention back to the arena where Ontari had corrected the mare and got her over the fence but the damage was done; Clarke's ride was the only clear round so she was the winner.

Ontari's anger was etched on every line of her face as she rode out of the arena. She dismounted as soon as she was outside of the gate and stormed over to the brunette.

"This is your fault. Had you warmed her up correctly none of that would have happened. You can fix it now. Ride her until she understands that she is to listen, not argue. Do not bring her back to the barn until she is compliant. Is that clear?"

She raged as she practically threw the reins at the girl before storming off.

"Wow. That was uncalled for."

The brunette finally looked up at Clarke and her eyes grew wide with recognition.

"Hey, I'm Clarke."

"Griffin. I know who you are...everyone knows who you are."

"Oh? My reputation precedes me?"

"In more ways than one."

Clarke smiled slowly; she knew she had a reputation on the circuit for being a player, or easy, or both. Neither were true, but she let them circulate anyways.

"Well, you know what they say about rumors."

"That they're carried by haters, spread by fools and accepted by idiots?"

"I usually go with always be careful of what rumors you hear about a woman. Rumors either come from a man that can't have her or a woman that can't compete with her. But I like yours too. I'll have to add it to the rotation."

The corners of the brunette's mouth curled up slightly as she almost smiled.

"And what about the women that can't have you?"

"Oh, I'm sure they have plenty to say too. I gotta go, victory lap and all that, but I'm sure I'll see you around. I didn't catch your name though, I'm sorry."

"That's because I didn't tell you what it was."

The girl winked and turned towards the warm up arena with Ontari's mare. Clarke watched her go, admiring the gentle sway of her hips as she walked.

"Who the hell is she?" Raven asked as she walked up with Helios.

"I don't know. She works for Ontari."

Clarke said as she put her foot in the stirrup and swung back into the saddle.

"Well that's a damn shame, she's hot as hell."

"Yea, tell me about it."

"Ohh, does the impossible to date Clarke Griffin have a crush?"

"Shut it Raven. I only talked to her for like five minutes. She didn't even tell me her name."

"Hard to get. I like her already."

"Oh geez. I'm going to go ride my horse now."

"Yes, you do that. You two deserve that victory lap. Go, I'll stand here and watch your adoring fans cheer for you."

"If I didn't love you so much, I'd kill you."

"I know. Now go on."

Clarke smiled as she gathered the reins and headed back into the arena for the awards presentation and the victory lap. She laughed as Helios arched his neck and snorted loudly, his steps becoming higher and more animated. She swore he knew when they had won. After the ribbons were presented she led the other riders in a few laps around the arena; Helios was so full of himself she could barely hold him to a canter. At the end, she pulled the ribbon from his bridle and tossed it to one of the little girls in the audience. She had been riding and competing for so long she didn't need the ribbons anymore and the look on the kids faces made her smile.

Typically she hated being the center of attention, though she'd gotten used to it. She'd been competing, and winning, internationally since she was sixteen and had become the blonde haired, blue eyed darling of the show jumping world. She was thankful that her fame (if you wanted to call it that) didn't extend beyond the world of horse showing; she didn't understand how actual celebrities did it.

She rode out of the arena and Raven joined her, walking next to Helios as they headed back towards their barn. Raven reaches out and scratched the big geldings shoulder as they walked.

"You guys kicked ass today. That course was tough."

"He's amazing. And so are you. I don't know what we're going to do without you after the Vegas show."

Raven had been her groom and right hand for the past three years of her show career. She'd been at every show, always keeping Clarke and her horses on schedule, warming them up when Clarke couldn't, keeping them on their game between classes, anything Clarke needed Raven was there. She was leaving the show circuit to go back to school.

"You'll do just fine without me. You'll find a replacement."

"No, you're not replaceable Raven. I'll find someone, but not another you. You sure I can't convince you to start showing yourself? You're a damn good rider."

"Nah, not my thing. You're the superstar. I'm just background noise."

"Clarke! Clarke Griffin!"

Clarke groaned as someone called her name. She was so close to being back at the barn where the public wasn't allowed, but she stopped Helios and turned to see who was calling her. It was the father of the little girl she'd tossed her ribbon to.

"Hi, I'm so sorry to bother you but...would you sign this for her? You're her hero, but she's too shy to ask."

Clarke smiled as the little girl hid behind her dad as they walked up. She dismounted and crouched down next to the girl, who looked like she was about eight years old.

"Hey, what's your name?"

"Alycia, but everyone calls me Aly." She answered softly.

"Do you ride Aly?"

"Uh-huh. I take lessons on a pony named Apollo. He's bay, like Helios, but not as red."

"That's awesome. My first pony was bay too. It's probably my favorite color. Do you jump?"

"Yea...kind of...just cross rails."

"Hey, that's how everyone starts. Even me."

"Really?"

"Yep. You keep practicing and I bet someday you'll be beating me out there."

"No way, you're amazing."

"You can be too, just keep at it. So, I hear you have something you wanted me to sign?"

The little girl nodded and handed Clarke the ribbon she'd been clutching behind her back.

Clarke took it and wrote on the back:

Aly, keep chasing your dreams. Clarke Griffin

Before handing it back. The girl smiled shyly.

"Thank you. Can I pet Helios? He's my favorite of your horses."

"Sure you can. He loves attention."

Clarke took the little girls hand and walked up to Helios. Raven smiled and loosened the geldings reins so he could say hello.

He lowered his head and sniffed Aly's outstretched hand before gently bumping her in the stomach with his nose and standing there patiently while she scratched the white stripe that ran up the middle of his face.

"You were such a good boy today. I bet you're going to get lots of carrots and cookies when you get back to your stall."

Clarke smiled at the way the little girl talked to the horse. It reminded her of herself at that age. She looked back at Aly's father who looked a little teary eyed as he snapped pictures.

"Thank you so much for taking your time to do this. I know you're busy and you don't have to, but really...it means so much."

"It's not a problem. She's super sweet, she seems like a good kid."

"She is. Since she lost her mom last year to breast cancer riding has been the only thing that makes her smile. She's been begging to come watch you ride. She came to a show once with her mom and waited in line for almost an hour for you to sign one of those posters they give out sometimes. It's still hanging on her wall."

Clarke's eyes filled with tears and she had to swallow hard to keep them from falling. She couldn't imagine losing her mom now, let alone when she was so young. It had been hard enough losing her dad at 18.

"I'm so sorry..." she whispered and turned to look at Aly who was still happily stroking Helios's face while laughing at something Raven was telling her.

Clarke had an idea and unstrapped her helmet from her head as she crouched down next to Aly.

"You want to ride him?" She offered, holding out her helmet to the little girl.

"Me? Really?"

"You, really."

"Yes! Daddy...can I?"

"If Clarke is sure it's okay."

"She'll be fine. I'll let her sit on him for some pictures and then walk around with her."

Aly already had the helmet on her head and could hardly contain her excitement as Clarke gave her a leg up into the saddle.

"Wow! He's huge!"

Clarke laughed and put the ribbon back on his bridle and stood next to him while Aly's dad took pictures.

"It looks like I won the Grand Prix!" Aly exclaimed.

"It sure does, and I'm sure some day you will. Let's go walk around a little bit, Okay?"

Clarke swung up into the saddle behind Aly and wrapped one arm around the girl. She cued Helios to walk.

"You're steering Aly, so shorten your reins."

The little girl did as instructed and they rode a few figure eights around the arena. Helios was the perfect gentleman Clarke knew he would be and Aly was all smiles when Clarke lifted her off the horse and set her down. She immediately wrapped her arms around Clarke's waist in a tight hug.

"Thank you so much! This has been the best day ever."

Clarke smiled and hugged Aly's dad as they said goodbye.

"You can be such a softy Clarke." Raven teased as they continued back to the barn. Clarke was about to reply when she noticed the brunette from earlier riding Ontari's chestnut mare in one of the jump arenas.

"I'll take Helios. Go see if you can at least get her name."

"Am I that obvious?"

"Yea, pretty much."

"Thanks Raven."

Clarke handed over Helios's reins and headed towards the arena the brunette was riding in. She opted to sit in the grass outside of the ring rather than in the bleachers so she didn't interrupt the girl.

The first thing she noticed was that the girl was a good rider. Her equitation was solid, even more so than Clarke's. Her hands were quiet, her touch light but firm. Ontari's mare was jittery and nervous but the girl remained secure and calm in the saddle, riding through the bucks and kicks without ever harshly correcting the mare, just simply encouraging her to keep moving forward.

After about ten minutes, she had the horse working quietly at the walk, trot and canter. Only then did she point her at a jump. The mare immediately picked up her pace and tried to rush the fence. Again, the brunette brought her back quietly. Clarke was absolutely mesmerized watching her ride; which wasn't easy to do since Clarke had seen so many of the top riders she was hard to impress.

Once the mare had taken a few lower jumps quietly, the girl turned her towards some of the bigger fences. Clarke noticed she had set up the same line as the last two fences in Ontari's class; the vertical the mare had refused.

She pointed the mare at the first part of the line and she took the fence easily, but then started acting up just like she had with Ontari on her way to the vertical. The brunette was unphased and simply encouraged the mare forward. They cleared the fence easily and the girl stopped the horse and patted her neck vigorously in praise.

They did the line three more times and the last two were flawless. The brunette lengthened the reins to the buckle and let the mare walk around with her neck stretched out to cool down.

"Well, I'm glad you weren't riding her today, because I would have lost." Clarke called as the girl rode past her.

"Oh...hey...I didn't know you were watching."

Clarke stood up and moved to the rail, leaning against it and smiling up at the girl.

"I didn't want to disturb you. That was pretty impressive."

"I guess so."

"It was. Seriously. You are a talented rider. She goes for you way better than she does for Ontari. Do you show?"

"Thanks, and no, I don't."

"Why not? With talent like that it's a shame."

"Not all of us have unlimited funding for horses and showing." The girl sounded a combination of hurt and irritated as she circled the mare near the rail, letting her walk to keep cooling her off.

"I'm sorry, you're just really good. Much better than a lot of the riders that are winning. You'd probably be able to find a sponsor pretty easily."

"Says the princess of the show jumping circuit. It's not always that easy."

"I don't mean to offend you, but it seems like that's all I'm doing so maybe I'll just leave you alone. It was a nice ride though, really."

Clarke turned to walk away because clearly she was getting no where with the girl other than upsetting her.

"Wait! I'm sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. It's just a touchy subject I guess."

Clarke stopped and turned to face the girl as she continued.

"Thank you for the compliment. Really. It means a lot coming from you. And I'm sorry I called you princess, I know you hate it."

"The only person who refers to me as that is Ontari."

"I know, like I said, I'm sorry. And my name is Lexa by the way, nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you Lexa, but I really should get going. Last day of the show is tomorrow and its always an early day. See you around."

"Yea, see you."

Lexa watched the blonde as she walked back to her barn. She had seen her interaction with the little girl earlier and wondered if all of the things her cousin had been telling her about the girl were lies. She certainly seemed different than the picture Ontari had painted of her, and she was a damn good rider. Lexa found herself looking forward to the next day already, just in hopes that she'd get to maybe find out a little bit more about the Clarke Griffin that everyone seemed to have an opinion about.

* * *

The next morning Clarke shuffled out of her motor home and towards the snack bar at the horse show grounds. She had black fuzzy pajama pants on over her breeches and tall boots and a navy blue hoodie. Her blonde hair was perched on top of her head in a messy bun. She'd meant to get up earlier and go get real food at a restaurant, but sleep had ended up winning out over food, as it usually did.

As it was, she was one of the first few people in the snack bar area. She got her typical coffee and breakfast burrito and turned towards a table when she almost ran face first into Lexa.

"Shit! I'm sorry. I really should look up while walking." She apologized as some of her coffee splashed on to Lexa's arm.

"It's okay. Their coffee isn't ever hot enough to cause injury anyways." Lexa laughed as she brushed it off her arm.

"Tell me about it, but, caffeine is caffeine. You're here early."

"Yea...Ontari says I need to make sure the mare knows her job today."

"Translation; ride the shit out of her so she's too tired to misbehave?"

"Basically, which also means too tired to win."

"Right." Clarke looked around and realized they were standing in the middle of the snack area and people were having to move around them.

"So...I'm going to go sit and choke this down before I have to get up on my horse. You're welcome to join me if you'd like."

"Uh...sure...just let me order mine." Lexa stammered. She ordered coffee and a bagel and then joined Clarke at her table.

Clarke smiled, surprised that Lexa had taken her up on the offer.

"Good Morning, I typically don't spill coffee on people as a form of greeting, sorry again."

"Good Morning, and it's really no big deal. I've had worse things first thing in the morning."

"Oh?"

"You try waking up to Ontari."

"Ugh, yea, that would be tough. How did you end up working for her anyhow?"

"She's my cousin."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

Lexa's laugh was short but loud; loud enough that several other people turned to look and she covered her mouth with her hand.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to say that outloud...I mean I shouldn't have said it out loud."

"It's fine. She's not my favorite person either."

"So why stay?"

"It's...complicated."

"I can understand that."

Lexa smiled at her and looked almost shy for a second before the look passed, making Clarke wonder if it had been there at all.

"We should probably get going, you especially. You have a mare to ride the shit out of and I should go get on my horse too."

Clarke announced as she stood up from the table and threw her trash away. Lexa followed and they walked towards the door together.

"Agreed. I wish I didn't have to do that to her, you know? If Ontari would just be a little softer with herâ€¦"

"Hey, all you can do is what she asks you to do. That's your job, as much as it has to suck to know that different riding would make her go so much better."

"It really does suck, she's such an amazing mare. Ontari is ruining her."

"Well, at least she has one person who rides her the way she deserves to be ridden."

Lexa blushed at the compliment as she followed Clarke out of the door and towards the warm up arena. She could see Ontari walking from the barn towards the arena with the mare, which meant she was late.

"Thanks. I have to run, Ontari is bringing the mare out which means I'm late. Have a good ride today, good luck, and do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Beat Ontari again?" She winked before turning and jogging towards the warmup arena where Ontari was waiting, already irritated. Clarke watched her go with a smile; she hoped the girl stuck around with Ontari for a while because she had the strange desire to want to get to know her better.

* * *

Clarke couldn't stop smiling as they called her and Helios as first place winners in their last class of the day. They had been on fire all day long, easily winning all of their classes. It had been one of Clarke's favorite kind of days; where she felt like the bond between her and her horse was unstoppable. They had been so in sync in the arena it felt like he could read her mind. His performance had been flawless in every round and Clarke was on cloud nine.

She let the group of riders in the victory lap; Ontari was in third place and was only in the victory gallop at all because her mother made her. She typically only rode in it if she won, even though it was considered poor sportsmanship.

Since it was the last night of an eight week long show series, the last class had been the big Grand Prix; the money class. The class everyone talked about. Clarke had won a car and $10,000. A class that big always drew attention, and interviews.

"You two were on fire today. That was amazing" Raven beamed at Clarke as she took Helios's reins.

"He was phenomenal. I still can't believe how good we did today. Can you cool him out? I have to go do some stupid press thing."

"Of course. Go. You deserve it."

"You know how much I hate it."

"I know, but go anyways. I'll see you at the barn."

Clarke planted a kiss on the geldings nose before walking over to the press table. She spent about an hour talking to various reporters for different magazines and horse publications.

A lot of them asked the same questions; how long had she been riding, what got her interested in the sport? How did it feel to be one of the youngest international competitors? Was she aiming towards the next Olympics?

Clarke was exhausted by the time they were done and she walked out of the arena dragging her feet a little. She was almost to the exit gate when she heard slow clapping from the seating section above her. She looked up to see Lexa sitting in the first row smiling.

It was an indoor arena, so all of the seating was situated higher than the arena itself so the spectators were looking down at the horses. Clarke walked over to where Lexa was sitting and looked up at her.

"How long have you been here?"

"The whole time."

"Why?"

"To watch you."

"Ontari was okay with that?" Shouldn't you have to school her mare or something?"

"Her mother was here today; she makes Ontari do those things herself so I found myself with nothing to do. So, I figured why not come watch the enigmatic Clarke Griffin. The girl everyone talks about but no one seems to really know."

Clarke laughed and grabbed ahold of the railing, she used it to pull herself up, then swung her leg over it and joined Lexa in the seats.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what I said. Everyone seems to have something to say about you, but none of them really seem to know you. At least, not from what I've seen, not that I know you...

Lexa looked down and fidgeted with her fingers. She wasn't sure what made her stay to watch Clarke's interviews or what made her want to get to know the other girl better, but there was something about her that did.

"Do you want to?" Clarke asked, breaking her train of thought.

"What?"

"You said you don't know me, do you want to?"

"Maybe." Lexa shrugged.

"Give me your phone."

"Why?"

"Just do it."

Lexa handed Clarke her phone and Clarke entered her number and took a selfie which she then set as her contact picture before handing the phone back to Lexa.

"There, now you have my number, just in case you want to get to know me."

"Thanks. You had amazing rides today. Helios was a superstar. You guys were unstoppable."

"Helios is always a superstar, I just manage to stay on, but thank you."

"That's not true and you know it. If that were the case, Ontari's mare would do better than she does."

"Touche. I'm just not very good at accepting compliments so I default to humor."

"I can understand that. I don't accept them well either, but instead of humor I think I default to awkward."

"Whatever works for you I guess. Are you guys going to be at the Las Vegas show next week?."

"I believe so, yes."

"Awesome. Are you coming to the awards banquet celebration thing tonight?"

"You have to be invited to those."

"Yea, I'm sure Ontari is."

"Oh, she is, but she won't go. And even if she did, I'm sure she wouldn't take me."

"Well, consider yourself invited. You can come with me...if you want to..."

"Thanks...maybe I will."

"Just text me and let me know. I have to get back to the barn, then to a shower so I don't look like this at the awards dinner. See you around?"

"Yea...see ya."

Lexa watched Clarke as she walked back towards her barn. She looked down at her phone and laughed at the picture Clarke had taken for her contact information. She had her mouth open, her tongue stuck out and she was making a piece sign with her fingers. She had saved her number as "girl who spills coffee." Lexa changed her name to Clarke and took a deep breath before typing a text and hitting send before she could change her mind.

* * *

Author's Note:

Thanks for reading. Comments = Love. Hopefully you guys like it. I'm having fun writing it and actually have quite a bit written, so if there is interest, I can update pretty quickly


	2. Chapter 2

Clarke was almost back to her barn when her phone buzzed in her pocket.

**Uknown Sender:** So, girl who spills coffee, what time are you picking me up tonight?

A stupid smile spread across Clarke's face as she saved Lexa's number.

"Oh lord, that smile only means one thing Griffin." Raven said as she walked out of the tack room with a bucket of carrots for Helios.

"I gave her my number and invited her to the awards banquet."

"Wouldn't she go with Ontari?"

"She said Ontari won't go and even if she did, she wouldn't invite Lexa."

"Someone has a crush. Clarke, you don't crush on people. What's up with this new development."

"I do not have a crush on her Raven, I barely know her. She's a phenomenal rider, too good to be stuck with Ontari. And she seems nice."

"And..."

"And what? And I thought she should come to the dinner. Almost everyone at the show ends up going."

"And..."

"Oh my god Reyes, and nothing. That's it. No more ands."

"You only call me Reyes when I'm getting to you and I know it."

Clarke rolled her eyes and laughed, smacking Raven on the shoulder as she took the bucket of carrots and headed to Helios's stall. Raven followed, bouncing around beside and in front of her repeating the word and.

"You. Are. Ridiculous."

Clarke laughed as she dodged around Raven and dumped the carrots in Helios's feeder. She turned around and Raven was directly in front of her, inches from her face.

"And..." she whispered.

"Fuck. And she's gorgeous. Okay?"

"Admitting you have a problem is the first step."

"My problem is you."

"I'm offended, and hurt."

"And sarcastic as fuck Raven. But I love you. It's probably why I love you."

"It's definitely why you love me. So, what time are you picking Lexa up for your date?"

"It's not a date. And I don't know. She asked me the same thing and I haven't answered."

"Oooo she already text you? She's in to you too. I mean, everyone is in to you, but that's beside the point. You know Bellamy is going to be at the banquet, right?"

"Ugh. Seriously? He didn't even compete at this show."

"You know how he is, he has to be involved in everything, even when it's not about him."

Bellamy Blake was another rider on the circuit with Clarke. He was a few years older than her, with dark hair and the brooding bad boy look that made girls throw themselves at him.

He had befriended Clarke when she first started making her way up through the rankings and for a few years they were pretty good friends. She looked at him as the older brother she'd never had. Then he started indicating that he felt something more for her. They went on a few casual dates and kissed once, but Clarke just didn't feel anything for him romantically.

When she told him that, he lost it. He called her all kinds of names and started talking about how easy and slutty she was. He was where the rumors about her got their foundation and from then on, they stopped speaking, only politely interacting at social functions and sometimes politeness at those was stretching it.

"Well that's great. Hopefully he'll leave me alone."

"Bellamy doesn't know how to leave you alone Clarke. He's drawn to you like a damn magnet. It still hurts his ego that you turned him down."

"Yea well, he can get over it because it's never happening. I'm going back to the motor home to shower. Are you coming to the banquet tonight?"

"Oh, I'm still invited even though you're taking your new crush?"

"Of course, you are, you ass."

"I'll catch up with you in a little bit."

"Alright."

Clarke pulled her phone out of her pocket and text Lexa back.

**Clarke** : 7 ok? And where am I picking you up?

**Lexa:** We're at the Marriott across from the show grounds. I wouldn't normally ask but I don't have a car.

**Clarke:** I don't mind

**Lexa:** What should I wear? I've never gone to one of these...

**Clarke:** Whatever you want is fine. It's at that Italian restaurant down the street. Some people get dressed up really fancy, others come in dressy casual stuff.

**Lexa:** What are you wearing?

**Clarke:** A dress, even though I hate them. It's kind of expected of me. But it's a simple dress, nothing outlandish. Seriously, wear whatever.

**Lexa:** Well, I don't want to make you look bad...

**Clarke:** Oh hush. I'll see you at 7

**Lexa:** :)

* * *

Clarke pulled into the parking lot of Lexa's hotel at 650pm. They had agreed to meet in the lobby so Clarke parked in the guest check in line and walked in.

She saw Lexa before Lexa saw her and she was glad because she was pretty sure her mouth fell open for a second.

She was wearing a simple emerald green dress that had tank top style sleeves and hung in a simple skirt about halfway down her thighs. It was shimmery, but not gaudy. The back of the dress was a V cut and ended just below her shoulder blades and her long brown hair fell in soft waves; she was absolutely stunning.

Clarke tugged self-consciously at her dress. It was a navy-blue dress with short sleeves. The top was plain, but from about the waist down it had a black shimmery flame pattern that was so subtle it sometimes wasn't noticeable; it depended on the lighting. It had a V cut neckline, but nothing overly low cut. Her hair was pulled partway back because she hated it hanging in her face.

Lexa turned and saw her and a slow smile spread across her face. She had thought Clarke was attractive the first time they met, but she looked gorgeous in that dress.

"Wow, you look...amazing." She said softly as she walked up and greeted Clarke.

"Please...you look like you walked out of a magazine photo shoot."

"So I look okay? I wasn't sure it was nice enough." Lexa blushed.

"Yes, you look fantastic."

"Thanks, you do too. That color makes your eyes even prettier."

"Shall we?" Clarke gestured to the door. Lexa nodded and followed her out to the car.

"Wow...nice car."

It was a dark silver Cadillac Escalade with black leather interior.

"Thanks...I won it. It's the only one I've kept. I've always been more of a truck girl than anything and it was just so pretty."

"What do you do with the ones you don't keep?"

"Charity. I either sell them back to the dealer and donate the money or just donate the car outright."

"Wow, that's nice of you."

"You sound surprised."

"I mean...kind of. Not a whole lot of people would donate brand new cars to charity. Plus...the way people talk about you..."

Lexa let the sentence trail off into silence, embarrassed that she'd let everyone else's opinions of Clarke form one in her mind before she'd even met the girl herself.

"Yea, I know the way people talk about me."

"Why don't you defend yourself if none of it is true?"

"Why bother? People are going to believe what they want, regardless of what I say. If they want to know for themselves, they'll try to get to know me. If they don't, then they aren't worth my time anyways."

"Fair enough. Hopefully I'm worth your time."

"You're in my car, aren't you? Listen though, people will probably talk about us. About you. I should have mentioned that before. So, if you don't want to go, I understand. I'll take you back and I won't be upset."

"I'm in your car, aren't I?" Lexa quipped and Clarke laughed.

"I'll try to stop most of the rumors, but I can't make promises."

"Let them talk, I don't care. There are worse things in life."

They pulled in to the restaurant and Clarke parked valet and they walked into the host's desk.

"Hello Miss Griffin, right this way to your table."

They were seated at a table for four near the middle of the room. A few people called hello to Clarke as they walked and by the time they sat down Lexa looked nervous.

"What's wrong?" Clarke asked quietly.

"I feel like I'm with some kind of celebrity or something. I don't know any of these people."

"I've been showing with these people for years. I'm not a celebrity. I promise. I can go to the grocery store without a disguise and everything. I'll introduce you to some people if you want."

"It's okay. I'm not really a very social person."

"Why did you come then?"

"You...I mean... because you asked me...invited me I mean." Lexa stumbled over her words and was starting to think maybe coming was a bad idea when Clarke reached over and squeezed her hand.

"Well, I'm glad you came. As soon as it's socially acceptable we'll ditch this place for some ice cream or something... if you want."

"Sounds good."

Clarke smiled at the way Lexa blushed then looked down at her hands. She was about to say something when Raven and her date walked up.

"Hello party people!" Raven said loudly as she hugged Clarke around her shoulders and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. She was wearing a bright red dress that clung to her body, with a plunging neckline and black heels. Her hair was pulled up in a French twist with a few curls framing her face. Her lipstick matched her dress and she looked like some sort of goddess.

"Hey Raven. This is my friend Lexa. Lexa, this is my best friend Raven. Who also happens to be my groom and my right hand, arm, hell, my whole right side at shows."

"Nice to meet you Raven." Lexa said as she held out her hand.

"You too, and Clarke said you were pretty, she didn't say you were drop dead gorgeous."

Lexa blushed a deep red and Clarke smacked Raven on the back of her shoulders.

"Raven. Shut the fuck up. Jesus."

"Sorry Clarke. Lexa, I have no filter."

"Clearly. But thank you..."

"This is my friend Luna. Luna this is Clarke and Lexa."

Luna was dressed in a black floor length dress that had a slit on one side that went up to her mid-thigh. She had a mass of curly hair that looked untamed in a stylish way and deep brown eyes. Clarke had never met her before and would have to remind Raven to tell her where she'd met her.

"So, Clarke, have you seen Bellamy yet?"

Raven asked as they took their seats at the table.

"No. I'm hoping I won't."

"Oh please, he will find you like a heat seeking missile."

"Don't remind me."

"Bellamy Blake?" Lexa asked, sounding somewhat awestruck.

"The one and only." Clarke answered with a roll of her eyes.

"Bellamy and Clarke have a history." Raven explained.

"Oh, I'm sure she's heard Raven, thank you."

"I'd rather hear your version." Lexa replied quietly with a shy look at Clarke.

"Oooh, I like her already." Raven said, wiggling her eyebrows at Clarke suggestively.

"It's nothing really. I mean not anymore anyways. He kind of took me under his wing when I first started winning at the big shows. We hung out a lot. He was a good friend and like a big brother. After a few years he said he wanted more, that he had feelings for me. We went out a few times, I kissed him once, but it just wasn't there for me. I tried telling him that as nicely as I could; I wanted to stay friends. He didn't take it well and called me all kinds of names and then started saying how slutty I was, that we'd been sleeping together for years, just...all kinds of shit. He's pretty much where all of those rumors started."

"Well that was stupid. Weren't you sixteen or something when you started winning the big shows?"

"Yep."

"He's lucky no one accused his dumb ass of statutory rape. You were a minor."

Clarke's mouth fell open and she laughed loud enough for the people at the next table to turn and look. She covered her mouth but kept laughing.

"Where were you when I needed you. I never even thought of that. I mean I wouldn't have done anything because nothing happened, but still."

"It would have been a ton of fun to say and watch his reaction though." Raven added. Lexa just smiled.

"Well, he sounds like an asshole, which is not what everyone says about him."

"Funny how that works isn't it? I mean, you'll meet him for yourself so you can be the judge of that. I'm headed to the bar, want to come?"

"Yea...shit...I forgot my purse at the hotel..."

"Don't worry about it."

"I'll pay you back when you drop me off. I'm so sorry."

"Lexa...don't worry about it. Come get a drink with me."

They walked to the bar and ordered margaritas. As they stood and waited, Clarke pointed out who was who and introduced Lexa to the few people that walked up and said hello. They had just been handed their drinks and we're going to head back to the table when a familiar voice made Clarke cringe.

"Clarke Griffin. It's been a long time. Looking fine as always."

Bellamy announced loudly as he walked up to her. He slipped his arm around her waist and kissed her cheek. She tensed as she put her hand on his shoulder and pushed him away.

"Hello Bellamy."

"How are you? You look good."

"Fine, thanks. If you'll excuse me, we were headed back to our table."

Bellamy noticed Lexa for the first time and Clarke pursed her lips in irritation as he openly looked her up and down before flashing his charming smile at her.

"Well hello, I'm Bellamy. Nice to meet you. Clarke, you should introduce me to your beautiful friend."

"Lexa, this is Bellamy Blake. Bellamy, Lexa."

"Nice to meet you." Lexa offered her hand and Bellamy kissed the back of it.

"What is a pretty thing like you doing with someone like Clarke anyways?"

Clarke was about to respond when she saw anger flash in Lexa's green eyes.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, I'm sure you've heard about Clarke and her...activities. Let me show you around, I can introduce you to all the right people." He said with a wink. Lexa tilted her head slightly.

"If by activities you're referring to all of her riding accomplishments, then yes, I am well aware of Clarke's reputation. It's phenomenal actually, and I find her pretty amazing. I'm also pretty sure I can figure out who the right people are for myself."

"Well at least let me buy you a drink, maybe dance a little."

"Clarke already has the drink covered, and don't take this the wrong way, but you're really not my type."

"Tall, dark and handsome isn't your type?" Bellamy replied smugly. Lexa handed Clarke her drink, which Clarke took without question because she was transfixed by the interaction in front of her. Women usually fell all over Bellamy and she could tell that Lexa's responses so far were flustering him.

Lexa walked up to him, looking incredibly seductive, as she put her hand in the middle of his chest and batted her eyelashes at him.

"You are tall, dark and handsome. But...I'm afraid there's just this one thing that makes you not my type."

"O-oh. What's that?"

"You're male." Lexa said firmly and patted him on the chest once before turning and talking her drink from Clarke. She took Clarke's hand and headed back towards the table. When they were a few feet away she turned back and called out,

"And I really do prefer blondes."

Clarke turned back just long enough to see the look of utter shock and disbelief cross Bellamy's face before Lexa tugged on her arm as she guided her back to their table.

Raven and Luna were gone, out on the dance floor Clarke assumed. Lexa let go of her hand as they sat down and Clarke noticed she was muttering.

"Pretentious, self-serving, egotistical asshole."

"Don't hold back, tell me how you really feel."

Lexa looked up at her, her green eyes stormy with anger. Clarke squeezed her arm.

"Hey. Don't let him get to you. He's not worth it."

"Who the fuck does he think he is? Assuming I'd want to be with him instead of you. Talking about you like that, in front of you..."

"It's okay. I'm used to it."

"It's not okay. I don't care how used to it you are."

"Lexa?"

"What?"

"You were amazing back there... what you said to him... the way you said it. No one ever reacts like that to Bellamy."

"Even if I liked men, and he were the last man on the planet, I'd never want anything to do with him."

"I think you've made that pretty obvious. Seriously though. That was...I can't even begin to tell you how satisfying that was. Thank you for defending me."

Lexa blushed and looked down at the table, her anger finally subsiding and she laughed.

"I might have gotten a little carried away."

"You totally had a hold my beer moment. It was awesome. I feel like I should pay you."

"It actually felt pretty good. God he's an asshole. How was he ever your friend?"

"I don't know...he wasn't like that then. I guess everything changed as he got older and all of a sudden, women wanted him."

"I'm sorry...it must have been hard to lose someone you thought was a friend. Especially to have him start talking about you that way."

"It was, but I got over it. Mostly. I still wish sometimes that he could go back to being the Bellamy I thought I knew, but mostly I just think he's an asshole."

Lexa nodded in agreement as Raven and Luna came back to the table from the dance floor.

"Raven, you missed it. Lexa was epic."

"Aww man, why do I miss the good shit. Fill me in."

Clarke recounted the interaction between Bellamy and Lexa, and Raven listened with her mouth hanging open the whole time.

"Oh my god, you did NOT tell Bellamy Blake that he isn't your type because he's male!"

"Oh, but she did. And it was amazing Raven. The look on his face was priceless."

"It's not like it's a lie..." Lexa laughed.

"Oh it's even better that it's not. Bellamy is used to getting what he wants."

"Well, he can want me all he wants. He can't have me. I also told him I prefer blondes...also not a lie." She smirked and glanced sideways at Clarke.

"Oh my god Griffin, she's a keeper. Can we please keep her?"

"She's not a puppy Raven."

"I know, but no one tells Bellamy off like that. I would have paid to see it."

They all laughed and then the announcement was made that awards would be starting shortly. The food at the buffet was put out and after most people had gotten food they started announcing awards. Clarke was called up several times throughout the course of the night for various high point awards, including the last award of the night for high point of the entire show. She smiled brightly when she looked over at her table and saw Lexa standing up cheering just as enthusiastically as Raven, who always drew a ridiculous amount of attention to herself but Clarke loved it; it made her feel special that her friend cared so much about her success.

She came and sat back down at the table and spoke with a few people who came up to congratulate her. After one of them had walked away she leaned over and whispered in Lexa's ear.

"Want to get out of here?"

"It's your night Clarke, whatever you want to do."

"I want to get McDonald's ice cream and go sit on the swings at a park and just hang out with you."

"That's a very specific request."

"What can I say, I know what I want."

"It sounds fantastic. What are we waiting for?"

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Why is that surprising?"

"Most people wouldn't be excited by the prospect of going and sitting on the swings at a park in the middle of the night."

"I'm not most people."

"I've noticed. Let me go tell Raven I'm leaving. I'll be right back."

Lexa nodded and watched Clarke as she walked away. There was something about the girl that drew Lexa to her. She knew she was in over her head, that Clarke was too good for her, but she couldn't help it. She was sure it wouldn't last long but she was going to enjoy it while it did and try not to get too attached.

Clarke came back a few minutes later and held her hand out. Lexa took it and they walked out to the valet to get the car. Lexa shivered and leaned against Clarke as they waited.

"Cold?" Clarke asked.

"A little bit."

"I have a jacket in the car you can wear."

"You're keeping me warm enough for now."

Clarke smiled and was a little sad when the car was brought around because it meant Lexa was going to be moving away from her.

They drove through the closest McDonalds and got Carmel Sundaes before driving to the park. Clarke gave Lexa one of the jackets that was in her car and they headed towards the swings.

They sat in the middle two swings of the set, Clarke facing one way and Lexa facing the other so they could face one another while they talked.

"So, how did you end up riding for Ontari? I know she's your cousin but..."

"Ontari's mom, Nia, took me in when my parents passed away. I was always in private schools and she also paid for my education. I told her I would pay her back somehow and once Ontari started going through grooms left and right, she decided it was my job since I owed her so much money."

"Can't you get a job somewhere else and pay her back?"

"I don't know. It's...complicated. I don't know that anyone else would hire me."

"Of course they would. In a heartbeat. You are an incredible rider."

Lexa blushed and looked down at her feet as she drug her toes through the sand.

"Thanks...but I can't..."

"You could."

Lexa shook her head no while still staring down at her feet and Clarke felt bad for whatever was holding Lexa back, but she could tell the girl wasn't ready to talk about it.

"We don't have to talk about it, I'm sorry. I'm nosy sometimes."

"It's okay that you asked Clarke, I just...there are other things to talk about."

"Like why McDonalds ice cream is so amazing when the rest of their food is shit?"

Lexa laughed and looked up to find Clarke watching her with her spoon sticking straight out of her mouth, which made Lexa laugh harder.

"You should laugh like that more, it looks good on you." Clarke stated as she pulled the spoon out of her mouth and took another bite of her ice cream.

"Maybe I'll have to start spending more time with you so I have a reason to laugh like that."

Clarke blushed and smiled shyly at Lexa

"I'd be okay with that."

"Did I just make Clarke Griffin blush?"

"Pfft, no."

Lexa arched one eyebrow at her while she took a bite of her ice cream and left the spoon sticking out of her mouth, mocking Clarke from moments before.

"Maybe a little." Clarke laughed.

"Yea, that's what I thought. Seriously though, McDonalds does have some amazing ice cream."

"It's my favorite. Alright, so I've asked about you, now it's your turn."

"My turn? Is it some kind of game?"

"Not really, but I think it's only fair. Keeps the conversation from being one sided. So sure, it can be a game. One question per turn. Go."

"Alright...I've always wondered why your barn is named Arkadia. Everyone always uses their last name or some variation of it."

"Which is so mainstream. It's actually from a story my dad used to tell me as a kid."

"What story?"

"I'm sorry, one question per turn." Clarke grinned.

"Ohh, you suck. Alright fine. Your turn."

"What's your last name?"

"Woods. Why?"

"Choose carefully, is that your question?"

"Ugh! You're impossible. No, that's not my question. What is the story your dad told you?"

"It was some after the end of the world type thing. There was a nuclear disaster, humans went up and were living in space because earth had too much radiation. The space station they lived on was called the Ark. They ended up using it to come back to earth and one of the crash sites ended up being where they set up camp and they referred to it as Arkadia. There's more to the story than that, but that's the short version of the barn name."

"That's actually pretty awesome. Your dad sounds like an interesting guy."

"Yea, he was." Clarke's voice cracked a little and Lexa reached for her hand arm and squeezed it.

"Oh, Clarke, I'm sorry..."

"It's fine. Sometimes it still gets to me...at the most random times too."

"That's normal."

"Thanks."

"Your turn." Lexa grinned as she let go of Clarke's arm.

"Where did you learn to ride?"

"Lessons as a kid, at home and then later at whatever school I was at. My parents ran a breeding farm for a while. I've always ridden, for as long as I can remember. My mom rode too."

"But you never wanted to show?"

"I'm sorry, you've exceeded the question limit for your turn."

"Ugh. Who's dumb idea was this?"

"Hm, yours. Books or tv?"

"Books, totally books. There are a few TV shows I watch, but not many. Why didn't you ever show?"

"I never wanted to as a kid, and then as I got older I knew how much money it cost...and I knew we didn't have it. So I never asked."

Clarke noticed the flicker of sadness in Lexa's eyes and realized, not for the first time, how lucky she was to have the life that she did. One of the things she hated about the world of horse showing was no matter how talented a person was, money was a big factor. There were some riders that got lucky breaks with sponsors or being mentored by a successful rider, but those stories weren't all that common.

"I'm sorry Lexa. Part of you has to kind of hate me..."

"What? No. You're an incredible rider and you worked to get where you are. You're not one of those rich brats who get packed around the arena on a push button school master. I remember your first few shows with Helios."

"Oh god, you've seen those?"

"Hasn't everyone?"

"He was such an asshole. He wouldn't even go over the first fence at his first show. I wanted to murder him because I knew how talented he was."

"That's what I mean though. A lot of people would have given up on him and just moved on to the next expensive warmblood. You're different."

"Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me for the truth."

"No, but maybe for seeing it. Most people think they already know me before they even meet me. The show world is so small, it's hard to find people willing to put their preconceived notions of you aside. So that's what I'm thanking you for."

Lexa blushed and kicked at the sand with her toes again. She was trying to stop herself, but she really liked Clarke; a lot more than she'd expected to.

"You know what I just realized?" Clarke asked.

"Hm?"

"We got all dressed up and went to a fancy dinner and didn't take a single picture. What kind of girls do that?"

"The cool kind? Who says we can't take one now?"

Lexa got up and stood behind Clarke. She leaned down so their faces were next to each other and put her arms around Clarke's neck. Clarke pulled out her phone and switched to the front facing camera.

"Fair warning, I'm horrible at selfies." She said before extending her arm to take the picture.

"Me too. I hate them." Lexa laughed and stuck her tongue out as Clarke took the picture. Every time Clarke took a picture, Lexa made a stupid face. After the tenth picture they were laughing so hard it was pointless to try to take more.

"Okay, come on, one normal one. We can do this."

"Fine. Fine. Okay, go."

Clarke held her phone up again and at the last second Lexa turned and kissed her on the cheek. Clarke blinked a few times in surprise but flipped to the picture.

"That's actually cute. Send it to me?" Lexa said as she looked over Clarke's shoulder at the screen.

"Only if you take a normal one dammit."

"Ugh. You're no fun. Fine."

Clarke laughed as she snapped one more picture with both of them smiling normally.

"See? That came out good. We both look so happy. It's late though, we should head back. We're leaving for Vegas tomorrow."

"I think we are too."

"We should probably head back so we get some kind of sleep."

"Yea, I guess."

Lexa muttered as she absentmindedly pulled back on the chains of Clarke's swing and let her go, causing Clarke to swing gently. There was a sadness in her voice that Clarke hadn't heard before.

"Lexa?"

"Yea?"

"Are you really pushing me on the swings?"

"Maybe a little." Lexa laughed as she put her hands on Clarke's shoulders and pushed harder.

"You ok? You sounded really sad for a second there."

"I'm fine."

Clarke took ahold of the chains on her swing and leaned all the way back so she was looking at Lexa upside down.

"I don't one hundred percent believe you, but that's okay."

"It's kinda hard to take you seriously when you're hanging upside down." Lexa said, unable to wipe the smile off her face.

"Maybe, but I made you smile again, so it's fine."

Lexa shook her head at Clarke and wondered what it was about the girl that made it so easy to be around her. Lexa wasn't typically a people person and didn't really like getting to know new people, but it was different with Clarke; and she liked it.

Clarke dragged her feet, stopped the swing and got up.

"Come on, we really should go."

Lexa nodded and they walked back to the car. The ride back to the hotel was way too short and Lexa laughed as Clarke parked in the check in line and started to get out of the car.

"You don't have to walk me in Clarke. I'm a big girl."

"Maybe I just want an excuse for a little more time with you?"

Lexa looked up, expecting Clarke to be laughing but instead was met by a serious look in her eyes, which made Lexa smile.

"Well, in that case, come on in."

Clarke smiled and had to stop herself from reaching for Lexa's hand on the way in to the lobby. They got inside and Lexa turned to face Clarke.

"Oh, I forgot! I owe you money. Let me run to the room and grab my purse."

"Don't worry about it."

"Clarke, I have the money. You don't need to pay for me..."

"Lexa, it's fine. I asked you out, you shouldn't pay."

"You asked me out huh? So... was this a date then?"

Clarke's eyes grew wide as she realized what her choice of words made it sound like.

"I... sorry...I didn't mean..."

Lexa stepped closer into Clarke's space until there was only a few inches between them and raised one eyebrow.

"Because I wouldn't mind if it was." She whispered. Clarke's heart skipped a beat as she looked up into Lexa's eyes.

"You wouldn't?" She managed to get the words out despite how dry her mouth suddenly was.

"No, not at all." She smirked and Clarke's desire to kiss her was almost overwhelming.

"Well, if that's the case, I suppose this was our first date then."

"First huh? Already planning on asking me out again?"

"I'd be an idiot not to." Clarke replied and the sincerity in her voice made Lexa blush.

"I mean, had I know it was a date I would have planned something a little nicer than McDonalds and the park though."

"Shh, don't even go there. It was perfect."

"Well, you're easy to impress."

"Not really actually. Maybe you're just impressive. Really though Clarke, this was the best night I've had in a really long time. Thank you."

She leaned down and pressed a kiss to Clarke's cheek and stepped back before Clarke could react.

"Goodnight Clarke." She smiled as she turned to walk into the hotel room.

"I'll see you in Vegas" she called over her shoulder.

Clarke just smiled as she watched her walk away. She got back in the car and checked her phone before heading back to the show grounds. There was one message from Raven.

**Raven:** still out? It must be going well.

**Clarke** : I'm so screwed Raven.

**Raven** : oh really?

**Clarke** : she's...amazing.

She attached the picture of Lexa kissing her on the cheek.

**Raven** : Yep. You're pretty much fucked Griffin.

**Clarke** : Ugh. I know. And the worst part is I don't even care. I'll see you in a few. I just dropped her off.

Clarke was about to toss her phone on the passenger seat when another message came through.

**Lexa** : I meant what I said about tonight. Thank you.

**Clarke** : are you even back to your room yet?

**Lexa** : no, elevator, why?

**Clarke** : miss me already lol

**Lexa** : If I said yes...would it freak you out?

**Clarke** : Maybe...but only because I'd say yes if you asked me too.

**Lexa** : sounds like we're even then. Goodnight Clarke.

**Clarke** : Goodnight Lexa

Clarke tossed her phone on the passenger seat, leaned her head back against the headrest and closed her eyes for a second. She wasn't able to stop the smile that slowly spread across her face, and if she was being honest, she wasn't sure she wanted to.

She'd given up on dating a long time ago. People involved in the show world either already had some preconceived notion of who she was or ended up only wanting to be around her in hopes of bettering their own career. People outside of the show world didn't understand how much of her life showing consumed and ultimately tried to make her choose between her career and her relationship and they always lost.

Lexa seemed too good to be true and Clarke was trying to tell herself to back off, but there was something about Lexa that drew her in. She was different than anyone else she'd ever been interested in, or at least she seemed like she was so far. Clarke just hoped she wasn't wrong.

* * *

Lexa was still smiling when she walked in the door of her hotel room and pulled it quietly shut behind her.

"Where were you?" Ontari asked from the couch across the room, her voice cold and accusatory.

"Out." Lexa answered briefly. She couldn't stand Ontari, but she had been told many times by her aunt Nia, Ontari's mother, that Ontari was her boss.

"With who?"

"A friend."

"You don't have any friends. Who would want to be friends with you anyways?"

Lexa bit her bottom lip as the anger and self-doubt she always felt when Ontari spoke to her started creeping in to the back of her mind.

"Maybe you've just never met them."

"No, it's because you don't have any. It doesn't matter if you tell me or not, I'll find out where you were and my mother will hear about it. We're leaving tomorrow. You have to pack the tack room and ready the horses. You shouldn't have been out so late."

"It will get done."

"It better. We plan to haul out at nine and if we're late because of you, you'll regret it."

"I'll get it done." Lexa answered through gritted teeth as she headed towards her bedroom.

She flopped on her bed and glanced at her phone. If she got up at four she should have enough time. She set her alarm and set her phone on the nightstand. She tried to hold back the tears but it was no use so she just let them come. She hated the way she was treated by her aunt and her cousin but she had no other options.

Her phone buzzed against the table and she picked it up quickly hoping her cousin hadn't heard.

**Clarke** : forgot to send you pics. Hope I didn't wake you up.

She had attached all of the selfies they had taken. Lexa saved them all and smiled; it had been nice being with Clarke and forgetting everything for a little while.

**Lexa** : thanks. You didn't. Still awake but off to bed now. Super early morning, Ugh.

She set her phone back on the nightstand on silent and drifted off to sleep with a smile for the first time in a long time.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Based on reviews so far it sounds like you guys are enjoying it. I'm glad.
> 
> As always, come say hi on Instagram @more.than.just.surviving.


	3. Chapter 3

Clarke walked up cautiously to the Azgeda tack room the next morning around six am. She had coffee and donuts in hand but made sure no one else was around before walking up and leaning one hip on the door. Lexa was busy packing tack trunks and hadn't heard her walk up.

"Good Morning, I thought you might want coffee. You know, actual coffee, not that luke warm shit I like to spill on you here."

Lexa spun around, startled by the sound of Clarke's voice. She looked panicked and had tears running down her face. Clarke set the food down and crossed the room to Lexa.

"Hey, what's wrong?" She asked softly.

"I...my alarm. I over slept. And I can't...there is so much to do and I'm going to make them late. Ontari will tell Nia and she'll be pissed and I can't..."

"Hey...shhhhh...Lexa. Stop. Breathe."

The more Lexa spoke the more upset she became and she was starting to hyperventilate. Clarke put her hands on Lexa's hips and pulled her close and realized she was shaking.

"Deep breaths. God, why are you so upset. It's ok. It's just packing."

"No...Ontari was pissed that I went out last night. She said if I made us late this morning she would tell her mom. Nia hates when I cause problems. I can't loose my job Clarke..."

"No one is losing their job. I'll help you."

"No, you can't. They hate you. They'd be so mad if they caught you here."

"They won't catch me here. Oh my god, please stop crying. How do I make you stop crying."

Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa's waist and pulled her into a hug. Lexa went willingly, burrowing her face into Clarke's neck. Clarke ran one hand up and down Lexa's back and used the other to pull her phone out of her pocket and text Raven.

**Clarke** : Hey. Can you come to the Azgeda barn please. Lexa is freaking out. She has to pack everything herself and they have her on some kind of timeframe. She's sobbing and afraid she's going to lose her job. Help?

**Raven** : god I hate those bitches. On my way.

Clarke smiled and then dialed the phone number of the security guard at the front gate.

"Frankie! My favorite security guard. I have a favor to ask. If Nia or Ontari Azgeda show up, stall them for a minute and let me know. Their groom needs help packing and she'll get in trouble if they know she had help. I just need a heads up that they're here so I can get out of here. Perfect. Thank you Frankie. Let me know what I owe you."

Clarke hung up the phone to find Lexa staring at her. Her tears had almost stopped but her breathing was still ragged and she still looked panicked.

"See? Raven is on the way to help too. I'll have a heads up to get out of here before Nia or Ontari ever see me. We'll get it done."

"W-why are you helping me?" Lexa stuttered as she tried to get her breathing under control.

"Because...If you haven't figured it out from last night, I kinda like you. And besides, no one deserves to be treated like this."

"Just kinda?" Lexa smirked as her tears slowed to a stop. Clarke smiled.

"Yea...maybe a little."

"Good, because I kinda like you a little too."

"Then let me help you. Sit. Eat the donut. I know you haven't eaten. I'll start wrapping bridles and when Raven gets here we'll start packing."

"I'm not sitting and eating while you do my work."

"You are. It's not a five course meal, it's a donut." Clarke walked forward, her hands on Lexa's hips pushing her back until they got to one of the tack trunks.

"You're going to pin me to the tack trunk and make me eat?"

"Yes."

"Ugh. Fine."

Lexa sat and Clarke handed her the bag with the donuts and smiled. Lexa was already starting to look less panicked.

Raven walked in the door a few minutes later and took a donut out of the bag.

"Alright, lets get this shit handled."

A few hours later, right around eight, they had all of the tack rooms packed as well as the tack trunks. Tail bags had been out on all of the horses and their trailer wraps were outside their stalls ready to go.

"Alright, we're all good. I'm gonna take off and find Luna, see if she has time to grab breakfast."

"Raven...thank you so much. There is no way I would have gotten this done without you guys." Lexa said as Raven headed for the door. Clarke was outside stacking the extra shavings to be packed.

"No problem. Just do me a favor? Be good to Clarke. She's tough, but she's got a soft side too. And her feelings run deep. She's special. Just...be careful with her."

"I already know she's special."

"Good, then you're a step ahead of everyone else."

"You're a good friend Raven."

"I know, I'm awesome like that."

Lexa laughed as Raven sauntered out the door. A few minutes later Clarke came back in.

"Everything but trailer wrapping the horses is done. But if you do that now the wraps will slip."

"You're...incredible. Thank you so much. I don't know how to repay you..."

"I can think of something." Clarke said quietly as she crossed the room. Lexa met her half way and put her hands on Clarke's waist.

"Oh really, and what's that."

"Say yes when I ask you on a second date in Vegas."

"Like I was really gonna say no?"

Clarke laughed and pushed a piece of Lexa's hair behind her ear. Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke's shoulders and pulled her in to a tight hug.

"Thank you Clarke." She whispered into Clarke's neck before kissing it softly. Clarke's fingers dug in to Lexa's hips and then huffed as her phone rang.

"Frankie? Awesome. You're the best. Thanks. Bye."

Lexa "leaned back and looked at Clarke, her eyes sad.

"They're here?"

"Yea. I gotta go."

"I know."

"That means you have to let go."

"I know."

Lexa pressed herself close to Clarke again and Clarke wrapped both arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

"I'll see you in Vegas." She whispered. Lexa nodded and stepped back, reluctantly letting go of Clarke so she could leave.

"Thank you again."

"No problem. I'd love to see Ontari's face when she realizes you got it done."

"She'll be livid. She lives to make me miserable. But you should go. She'll be here soon.

Clarke waved goodbye and jogged down the barn aisle to make sure she was nowhere near the Azgeda set up when Ontari and Nia arrived.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket.

**Lexa** : Seriously Clarke. I can't thank you enough. No one has ever done anything like that for me before

**Clarke** : no one? You need new people

**Lexa** : well, hopefully I've found one

**Clarke** : Maybe...

Clarke shoved her phone back in her pocket and headed for her barn to get everything packed for Vegas. She had been excited about the show before; showing in Vegas was always fun, but knowing she got to see Lexa made it even more exciting.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Clarke flopped down on a bag of shavings and leaned back against the stall wall. Raven joined her and leaned on her shoulder.

"God it's been a long day." Raven sighed.

"It has, but we're here and the show isn't for almost a week so we have plenty of time to relax."

"True. And you only have three horses, so that's easier."

"Yea, there is that five year old I want to look at though."

"The black mare that rears and flips sometimes?"

"That would be her. You know I have a thing for the crazies. It's why I love you."

"Hmm. You'll have to look hard for a level of crazy to replace me."

"I already told, you can't be replaced."

"Have you heard from Lexa since this morning? Is she okay?"

"She text me a few times but she's with Ontari and Nia so I think she stays off her phone."

"Are you going to see her tonight?"

"I don't know. If she asks."

"You could ask her."

"I don't want to seem clingy."

"I don't think she'd mind."

"I don't know Raven, I really like her, which freaks me out."

"She seems just as in to you as you are to her. Just go with it Clarke. Don't over think it."

"I over think everything Raven."

"I know...but maybe this time you should just let it happen. You said it's been really comfortable so far right?"

"Weirdly so, you know how I am."

"So take that as a sign? For once Clarke, just go with it."

"Yea Maybe..."

"Do I have to take your phone and text her for you? You've been checking the damn thing all day. Just text her."

"I have not...ok maybe...she just seemed so...broken this morning. She was shaking. I can't imagine how Ontari and Nia treat her for her to act that way. I mean, I know they are nasty people but god."

"I know, I felt so bad for her. So text her...I'm going to head to my room and probably crash. But you have a gorgeous girl you should take to dinner."

"Hm, and you don't?"

"Luna won't be here until tomorrow, but nice try."

Raven patted Clarke's knee as she got up and headed towards her hotel room. Clarke sat around for a few minutes and then huffed as she pulled her phone out of her pocket and text Lexa.

**Clarke** : Hey, how is it going? Are you guys unpacked and settled in?

**Lexa** : almost. Ontari and Nia just left, I'm throwing hay to the horses and then I'm done.

**Clarke** : dinner?

**Lexa:** I'd love to, but I just ate not that long ago

**Clarke** : it's okay, it was last minute anyways

**Lexa** : I want to see you though...

Clarke immediately felt butterflies in her stomach and couldn't stop herself from smiling. Dammit if the girl wasn't under her skin too much already.

**Clarke** : miss me? ;)

**Lexa** : Maybe

**Clarke** : ice cream?

**Lexa** : perfect. I just locked the tack room. I'll come to your barn?

**Clarke** : Okay, see you soon

Clarke got up off the shavings and locked her tack room. She checked on her horses and gave them each a few treats after double checking their stall doors were secured. She turned around as Lexa was walking up.

"Hey." She called out with a smile. To her surprise, Lexa walked up and pulled her into a hug, her head resting against Clarke's shoulder as she sighed.

"Hey." She said softly in Clarke's ear. Clarke hesitated, then wrapped her arms around Lexa's waist, retuning the hug.

"You okay?"

Lexa stepped back out of the hug and looked down at her feet.

"Yea, sorry, was that too much?"

"No, not at all. I just...wasn't expecting it and you had a rough morning. I just wondered..."

"I'm fine, just happy to see you."

Clarke blushed.

"I'm happy to see you too. Shall we?"

"Yep, lead the way. I've never been here so I don't know where we're going."

"You've never been to Vegas?"

"Nope."

"Oh, then we're going to the Venetian. I was just going to grab random ice cream somewhere but the Venetian has the most amazing gelato place... unless you want to just stay here?"

"Honestly Clarke? I just wanted to see you...we can go wherever you want."

"The Venetian it is then."

They walked out to the front of their hotel and got in a cab.

"So, are you busy tomorrow?" Clarke asked as they headed towards the Venetian.

"Not once I'm done working the horses and all that stuff, so tomorrow night is free. Why?"

"Will you go out with me?"

"Are you asking me on a second date?"

"Yes."

"Of course."

"Great, I can start planning then. I promise it will be more impressive than our first date."

"Clarke...you don't need to impress me."

"Maybe I want to?"

Lexa looked down at her lap and blushed. She'd never had anyone treat her the way Clarke did; like they actually cared about her. She'd had plenty of people be attracted to her for her looks, but once they figured out she wasn't easy to get in to bed they usually disappeared. Clarke was different; she looked at her like she was an actual person and treated her that way as well.

Clarke reached across the seat and put her hand over Lexa's, lacing their fingers together.

"What do you think about when you get all quiet like that?"

"Nothing really...just that...god it sounds stupid."

"Try me."

"Just that I'm happy I met you. No one has ever treated me the way you do. You're different."

"Why does that sound stupid?"

"I don't know, because we hardly know each other? But it's just..."

"Easy?"

"Yes..."

"I know."

Clarke squeezed her hand as the cab pulled up to the Venetian. Clarke paid the driver and they got out of the cab.

"I can't wait for you to see this place. It's my favorite. Well, this and the Paris. But if I had to pick one it would probably be this one."

They walked in the front doors of the hotel and Lexa gazed around in amazement. The ceilings were so high it made a person feel small and almost insignificant. The stone looking arches and ornate gold fountain had the same effect. Clarke smiled as Lexa looked at everything wide eyed. They got past the fountain and Clarke nudged her with her elbow.

"Look up."

Lexa looked up and stopped short.

"Oh wow..."

She stood and stared for a while then turned to fine Clarke watching her, grinning.

"Amazing isn't it?"

"I don't even feel like I'm in Vegas anymore. It's...incredible."

The ceiling of the lobby was painted as a replica of the walkway in the Sistine Chapel and the attention to detail was breathtaking. Lexa turned in a slow circle and just took everything in.

"I can see why this is your favorite."

"Oh, this isn't why. I mean this is impressive, but it's not my favorite part. That's upstairs. Do you want to see it before we have ice cream?"

"If it's more amazing than this, yes."

"I think it is."

"Lead the way."

They wound their way across the casino floor and Lexa stopped at a giant slot machine. It was rainbow unicorn themed and had a screen that almost reached the ceiling.

"This one is so pretty."

"Do you want to play?" Clarke asked, smiling at her almost childlike wonder.

"No, I shouldn't waste the money gambling."

Clarke reached in her pocket and put a fifty dollar bill in the machine.

"Play."

"Clarke! No, you play. It's your money."

"I hate gambling. You play."

"If you hate gambling why did you put money in a slot machine."

"Because you're staring at it like a five year old on Christmas and you're really cute. Same effect as puppy dog eyes I guess?"

"Clarke...I can't just..."

"Play the damn machine Lexa."

Lexa huffed but sat down at the machine.

"I don't know what I'm doing, why are there so many buttons?"

"Just hit max bet and then spin."

Lexa did and then laughed as the screen lit up rainbow colors and different unicorns and horses flashed across the screen as the reels rolled to a stop.

"Oh my god that's cool! How do you know if you won?"

"It tells you." Clarke answered, not bothering to keep the smile off her face as Lexa excitedly pushed the button again. They played for about thirty minutes, in which time Lexa hit a bonus that sent a rainbow shooting across the screen that you had to guide a unicorn across by picking colors. They ended up cashing out twenty dollars.

"I can pay you back." Lexa whined as they walked away from the machine.

"Lexa, did you have fun?"

"Yes, but..."

"No, no but. If you had fun that's all I care about."

Lexa opened her mouth to argue again and Clarke glared at her so she changed her mind.

"Thank you." She whispered.

"Much better, you're welcome. Now, can we make it upstairs without you being distracted by something shiny?"

"It wasn't just shiny, it was unicorns."

"Of course. Come on you dork."

They made their way to the escalators and up to the second floor. After walking past a few shops they turned the corner onto the main part of the floor and Clarke watched as Lexa stopped and just stared.

The 2nd floor was built to look like st marks square and no detail had been left out. The shop faces were made to look like you had walked in to Venice. The streets were cobblestone, the ceiling was painted to look like the sky and there were even canals with gondolas.

"Clarke...it's gorgeous..."

"I thought you'd like it."

"I can't believe I'm inside a hotel. It certainly doesn't feel like it."

"No, it doesn't. It's one of my favorite things about it. Come on, let's walk around."

They walked over to the edge of the canal and Lexa leaned against the rail and watched the gondolas go by. Clarke stood beside her but a few feet back and pulled out her phone and snapped a picture.

As Clarke was putting her phone back in her pocket a dark haired woman walked up and leaned on the railing next to Lexa. She was gorgeous; tall and slim with olive colored skin and light brown eyes. Clarke felt stupid when she was instantly jealous but decided to stay back rather than be possessive.

"Hey." The girl said, smiling brightly at Lexa.

"Hi." She answered, briefly smiling at her then looking back at the gondolas.

"This might seem forward, but I couldn't help but notice you. I was wondering if I could buy you a drink or a coffee somewhere?"

Clarke cocked her head as Lexa blushed and looked down at the water. The girl took this as a positive sign and scooted closer to Lexa, their shoulders touching.

"Is that a yes, I hope?"

Lexa pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and moved away from the other girl as she slowly shook her head no.

"Sorry, but no thank you, I'm here with someone." Lexa seemed to realize Clarke wasn't close to her and looked around. Clarke smiled when their eyes met and walked up behind Lexa, wrapping her arms around her waist. Lexa smiled and leaned into her embrace. The dark haired girl looked Clarke up and down

"Well, aren't you lucky."

"Hm, I know right?"

The girl rolled her eyes and walked away. Lexa laughed softly.

"You're so bad." She whispered at Clarke.

"You could have said yes ya know. If you wanted to?"

"Why would I want to?"

"Did you see her? She's gorgeous."

Lexa turned in Clarke's arms so she was facing her.

"You're gorgeous. Besides, I prefer blondes, remember?"

"Right. I'm just saying...I don't want you to feel like I...that we...If you wanted to go out with someone else..."

"I don't. Not even a little bit."

Clarke searched Lexa's green eyes for some sort of sign that she wasn't telling the truth, but she couldn't one. Lexa slowly smiled at her as she realized what Clarke was doing.

"Is it so hard for you to believe that I like you?"

"A little bit, yea. Most people don't get much past the rumors and reputation. I'm just...waiting for the other shoe to fall I guess?"

Lexa shook her head slowly and placed a quick kiss on Clarke's cheek before pulling away.

"Come on. Show me the rest of this amazingness and then feed me ice cream."

"Sounds like a plan."

They walked around the second floor of the hotel, going in a few shops but mostly just walking and keeping up an easy stream of random chatter about whatever crossed their minds. More than a few people would check Lexa out as they walked, which irritated Clarke even though she tried not to think about it. Lexa noticed and moved closer to Clarke, she wrapped her arm around Clarke's waist and hooked her finger through her belt loop as they walked.

"Better? Let them look. I'm here with you."

"You really shouldn't indulge my jealous side."

"Maybe not, but I kinda like it."

"You do?"

"Mhmm, it's cute."

Clarke laughed but couldn't deny the fact that she liked having Lexa so close. They finished their walk around the second floor and headed back downstairs for gelato.

"I can't pick. They all look good. And don't you dare tell me to get one of each." Lexa said as they stood in line to order. Clarke smirked.

"My favorites are pistachio and blackberry, but honestly everything is good."

"Get one of each then and we'll share."

Clarke ordered and they found a table. The only open one was half table half booth and people had taken all of the chairs so they both sat on the same side of the booth.

"Oh my god this is so good." Lexa exclaimed as she tried a bite of the blackberry.

"Right? It's perfect."

"Mhmm, let me try that one too." She reached for the pistachio with her spoon and Clarke slid the bowl away.

"Hey! We were supposed to share."

"I know, but I like this one a lot."

"That's not fair!" Lexa whined as she scooted closer to Clarke, still reaching for the pistachio. Clarke laughed as Lexa continued to move closer until she was pressed against Clarke's side. Clarke grinned as she wrapped her arm around Lexa's waist and let her have the ice cream.

"Ha!...wait...did you just do that to get me closer?"

"Maybe."

"All you have to do is ask Clarke." She said softly as she turned and kissed Clarke's neck before turning her attention back to the ice cream.

Her lips had been cold, and Clarke shivered, goosebumps covered her arms. Lexa pressed closer into her side and smiled.

They finished their ice cream and Lexa shifted so she could put her arm around Clarke's waist. She leaned into Clarke's shoulder and sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"I just don't want to go back. I hate being around Ontari and Nia."

"Come stay with me. My room has two beds, and a living room area."

"I can't...they expect me back and I'll pay for it if I'm not there."

"They treat you like shit."

"I know..."

"You need to-"

"Clarke? Can we please not talk about it. I just want to forget all of it when I'm with you, ok?"

"Of course."

Clarke ran her hand up and down Lexa's arm before letting it rest on her side, just above her hip.

Lexa smiled; she knew she was falling for Clarke way too fast but she didn't care. Being with Clarke made her forget about everything else in her world for a while, and the way Clarke looked at her sometimes gave her the chills, in a good way.

"Any requests for our date tomorrow? Something you want to see?" Clarke asked quietly.

"No. I'm sure whatever you plan will be fine. Just...please nothing super expensive or extravagant. You don't need to do anything to impress me; you already impress me."

"So the private helicopter tour of the city is out then?"

"Clarke! Don't you dare!" Lexa sat up looked at Clarke to find her blue eyes dancing with laughter.

"I wasn't, I just wanted to mess with you."

Lexa stuck her bottom lip out and pouted and all Clarke wanted to do was kiss her.

"Oh, put your lip back. It's not my fault you're an easy target."

Lexa raised one eyebrow and leaned forward, her mouth inches from Clarke's ear.

"I'm not the only one who is an easy target, Clarke."

She whispered before kissing Clarke's neck; her tongue barely swirling across Clarke's skin as she left a trail of kisses down the side of her neck.

Clarke's breath caught in her throat for a second before coming out as a low moan.

"Fuck Lexa..."

Lexa smiled into Clarke's neck before kissing her way back up and flicking her tongue along the skin by her earlobe before pulling away.

"Who's the easy target now?"

"Oh, I will so get you back for that."

The look in Clarke's eyes sent a shiver down Lexa's back.

"Is that a promise or a threat?"

"Both."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"Oh, I'll keep it. Don't worry about that."

"Hm, I'm looking forward to it."

Clarke smiled and pulled Lexa back against her side because if she didn't she was going to wrap her hands in her hair and kiss her until she couldn't breathe.

"We should probably head back to the hotel. The horses need to work tomorrow and that always means an early morning."

"Ugh; I know. Nia likes them fed a few hours before they work so I have to be down at the barn at dawn."

"I'll bring you coffee."

"Clarke...you don't need to do that."

"I know, maybe I want to."

Lexa shifted against her side and fidgeted with her hands.

"What's the matter? It's just coffee Lexa."

"I just...Nia and Ontari don't like you."

"Believe me, I know."

"I know they'd be pissed if you were at their barn. I don't want her saying anything to you or-"

"It's nothing new. Besides, you said you feed hours before they work. Neither of them will be there anyhow."

"No, but people talk."

"Let them."

"Clarke...I just..."

"Okay. If it makes you that uncomfortable I won't."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry that they are assholes. I'm just glad it doesn't run in the family."

"I can stop by your barn in the morning before I feed."

"You don't have to. The point was for me to bring you coffee, not make your morning longer by coming to my barn first."

"I know..."

"Don't worry about it, I'm not upset.

"Okay."

"Besides, I'll have you all to myself tomorrow night."

"Yes, you will."

"As much as I don't want to, let's get headed back to our hotel."

Lexa nodded and they got up and walked out to the front of the Venetian to get a cab.

Lexa kept her arm around Clarke's waist as they walked and sat curled against her side on the cab ride back to their hotel.

When they got out of the cab Clarke was surprised to see tears welling in Lexa's eyes.

"Hey...whats wrong?"

"Nothing...I'm fine...sorry." Lexa shook her head to clear her tears.

"You're not fine...where is this coming from?"

Lexa sighed. She couldn't find the words to explain to Clarke how hard it was to leave her and go back to her real life where she was treated like she was less than human. At least not without sounding overly clingy or needy. She barely knew Clarke, but it didn't feel that way and she didn't want to mess things up.

"I'm okay Clarke."

Clarke cocked her head at Lexa, her blue eyes clouded with concern and another emotion Lexa couldn't quite place.

"You're not, but if you're not ready to tell me why, that's okay. I can wait."

Lexa bit her lip as a new wave of tears threatened to come spilling out.

"Shit, don't cry. That wasn't supposed to make you cry."

Lexa laughed and wiped the tears out of her eyes.

"It's ok, those weren't bad tears."

She stepped closer to Clarke and reached for her waist but Clarke stepped back.

"Everyone from the show stays here. If you don't want people seeing us..."

"We aren't at the barn, it's late, and fuck it."

Lexa grabbed Clarke's hips and pulled her into a hug. Clarke laughed and wrapped her arms around Lexa's shoulders.

"Good night Lexa."

"Good night Clarke. Thank you...for everything."

"I'll text you tomorrow and we can figure out what time you'll be done for the night."

Lexa nodded and sighed as she pulled away from Clarke's embrace and headed into the hotel. She didn't look back, because she knew if she did she would just run back into Clarke's arms.

Clarke watched her go and shook her head softly; she wasn't sure what was going on with Lexa. What she did know was that she was totally falling for the other girl; way to hard and way to fast but for the first time in her life she didn't care.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next morning Clarke had just finished feeding her horses and was standing in her tack room getting ready to clean bridles when arms wrapped around her waist from behind and a newly familiar weight settled against her back.

"Good Morning."

Lexa's voice was husky in her ear and Clarke smiled brightly as she leaned into her embrace and Lexa rested her chin on her shoulder.

"Good morning yourself. What brings you here?"

Lexa let go of Clarke's waist and Clarke turned around to find Lexa smiling at her shyly. Clarke put her hands on Lexa's hips and pulled her closer. She kissed her forehead briefly before pulling her back into a hug.

"I just wanted to be here for a minute before I started my day."

"Here as in my barn?"

"No. Here as in right here." Lexa emphasized her point by pressing herself closer to Clarke and snuggling her face into her neck. "I like it here."

Clarke sighed; the girl was going to melt her heart and she didn't even care anymore.

"Yea...I like you here too."

"You do?"

"Of course I do."

"Good."

"You should go feed though, I don't want you getting in trouble because of me."

Lexa whined in protest when Clarke tried to let go of her.

"Lexa..."

"I know, I know. I brought you coffee, and one for Raven too. I'll see you later."

She stepped back and kissed Clarke's cheek softly before turning to walk out of the tack room. Raven came walking in as Lexa was walking out.

"Hey Lexa. What brings you here before dawn?"

"Good Morning. Just dropping off coffee. I'll see you guys later."

Raven watched her walk out then turned to Clarke and smiled.

"Well? How screwed are you?"

"I'm beyond screwed Rae, I'm totally fucked. She brought you coffee too."

"Really? Sucking up to the best friend already? Impressive."

"Nah, she's just like that."

"Did she really come just to bring coffee?"

"Yes and no. I offered to bring her coffee this morning but she doesn't want to piss off Nia and Ontari by having me at their barn."

"So she brought you coffee instead."

"Yea..."

"I feel like there is an and in there."

"She just wanted to see me."

"She said that?"

"Not exactly..."

"Clarke. Spit it out."

"I asked her why she came and she said she just wanted to be here. I asked if here meant my barn, but she didn't. She meant in my arms."

"I'm sorry what?"

"We were hugging at the time. She said he liked being here, and pressed even closer."

"What did you say?"

"That I liked her there too..."

"Damn Clarke..."

"I know Raven."

"Have you kissed her yet?"

"No, but she kissed my neck last night and I swear to god I wanted her so bad..."

"What are you waiting for?"

"The right moment."

"The right moment? Clarke Griffin have you gone hopeless romantic on me?"

"No...I mean maybe a little...she's just so different. I don't want to screw this one up."

"We'll you're doing something right if she's already saying she just wants to be in your arms."

"She's so miserable with Ontari and Nia...I wish she'd get away from them."

"You can't control that. She'll have to want to leave."

"She says she can't, but she doesn't want to talk about it so I don't push it. I just hate how much it upsets her."

"Are you guys going out tonight?"

"Yes."

"Good. You deserve to be happy with someone Clarke. So far it seems like she makes you happy."

"She does, and I feel so ridiculous for liking her so much but I do."

"Then just let it happen. Come on, let's get the horses worked before the arenas get crazy."

Clarke nodded and they headed off to get the horses tacked up

Authors Note: Reviews = love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Instagram @more.than.just.surviving


	4. Chapter 4

Later that evening Clarke was sitting on the bed in her hotel room reading when her phone buzzed on the nightstand.

Lexa: Finally done, please come save me

Clarke: You ready?

Lexa: that depends, what should I wear.

Clarke: whatever you want. Doesn’t need to be fancy

Lexa: Okay. Meet you in the lobby in 15 

Clarke: bring a jacket 

Fifteen minutes later Clarke walked down to the lobby. Lexa saw her and walked towards her smiling brightly. 

She had on dark jeans and a white tank top. Her hair was mostly down, part of it was pulled back from her face in a loose ponytail. She had put on a little bit of makeup, mostly a smoky look around her eyes which make them look even greener than normal. 

Lexa stopped in front of Clarke, saying back because the lobby was full of people from the barns. 

“God you’re gorgeous.” Clarke whispered as Lexa stopped in front of her. 

“Dammit Clarke.” Lexa huffed as she closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around Clarke’s waist. 

“Lexa...there are people from the barn here...”

“Let them look. Like I was going to stay away from you after that?” 

“It’s just the truth.”

“Well you aren’t exactly hard to look at either.”

Lexa whispered as she pulled away and let her gaze wander slowly down Clarke’s body. 

She had on black jeans, a skin-tight sky blue shirt and a black leather jacket. Both the jeans and the shirt showed off her curves and Lexa smiled in approval. 

“Shall we?” Clarke gestured towards the front doors. 

The got a cab and as soon as they were in the back Lexa wrapped herself around Clarke, burying her face in Clarke’s neck.

“Today was shit. I missed you.” She murmured against Clarke’s skin. 

“Why was it shit?”

“Ontari’s mare is off and somehow it’s my fault. It’s all I heard about all day.”

“Well, it’s not your fault.”

“Everything is my fault in their world.”

“That’s just not right.”

“I know. But one rule tonight, we don’t talk about them. I just want to forget it for a while.”

“I think I can handle that rule.”

“Hmm, good.” 

Lexa draped her arm across Clarke’s stomach and lightly traced patterns with her fingers.

“We’re going to dinner at the Monte Carlo first.” 

“Sounds good.”

Clarke ran her fingers through Lexa’s hair and over her shoulder because it seemed like she didn’t want to talk much; she just wanted to be comforted. 

Lexa sighed as she felt the stress of the day start to finally disappear. Part of her felt ridiculous being so clingy with Clarke, but the blonde didn’t seem to mind. 

They pulled up at the Monte Carlo and Lexa huffed at the fact that she had to let go of Clarke to get out of the cab. Clarke laughed when Lexa immediately wrapped her arm around Clarke’s waist once she was out of the car. Lexa tensed, then pulled away. 

“Sorry...I’m being super clingy, it’s probably too much...”

“Get your ass over here.” Clarke laughed as she hooked a finger through Lexa’s belt loop and pulled her close. “It’s not too much.”

“Are you sure?”

“Are you kidding me? I can’t stand it when anyone else even looks at you. So I’m quite happy with you wrapped around me if that’s what you need.”

“You get jealous when people look at me?”

“You know I do, you saw me at the Venetian.”

“I know, it’s just nice to hear.”

“Hmm, well, yes. I hate it when other people look at you.”

“Why?” Lexa smiled coyly as she wrapped her arm back around Clarke’s waist as they walked through the hotel floor towards the restaurant. 

“Because I don’t want to share.”

“Share? So, am I yours now?”

Clarke turned abruptly down a small hallway and suddenly Lexa’s back was against a wall and Clarke was leaning against it with one hand on either side of Lexa. She was a few inches from Lexa’s face and her blue eyes were dark.

“You could be, if that’s what you want.”

She leaned forward and kissed Lexa’s neck; starting near her collar bone she gently raked her teeth along her skin as she went, then swirled her tongue across the same places. The difference in sensations drove Lexa crazy. 

“Oh my god...Clarke....”

She moved to wrap her arms around Clarke but Clarke had other ideas. She grabbed Lexa’s wrists and pinned them to the wall. 

“Hmm?” She hummed against Lexa’s skin as she moved from her neck to her shoulder, sucking lightly on the skin there before moving to the other side of her neck, where she bit down gently on the pulse point. 

“Fuck...that feels so good...” Lexa whined and arched her body towards Clarke. Clarke laughed softly and let go of Lexa’s wrists. She moved her hands to Lexa’s hips and then ran her hands up her sides under her shirt. 

Lexa wrapped her hands around Clarke’s shoulders and grabbed her shirt in her fists as Clarke moved up the side of her neck in soft, slow kisses. Lexa felt like her entire body was on fire. 

“Clarke...please...”

“Please what Lexa?” Clarke murmured. 

“I can’t...think...function.... when you’re doing that.”

“Do you want me to stop? 

“Yes....I mean god no....but yes.”

Clarke stopped and pulled away. She rested her forehead against Lexa’s. The girls green eyes were dark, her pupils wide and her breathing ragged. 

“That is what I want to do when anyone stares at you.”

“Because you don’t want to share.”

“Yes.”

“Well, you don’t have to worry about it. I’m definitely yours.”

Clarke’s eyes widened and she stepped back from Lexa a little bit.

“Really?”

“Really. There’s no one else I’m even remotely interested in.”

Clarke smiled slowly and Lexa blushed and tried to look down at her feet but Clarke put her finger under her chin and stopped her. 

“Thank you.”

“Clarke...don’t thank m-“

“Shhh. Just...thank you.” 

Lexa nodded and Clarke took her hand. 

“Ready for dinner?”

“Yea...”

Lexa’s heart was still racing and she could still feel everywhere that Clarke had kissed. She took a deep breath to steady herself then followed Clarke as she tugged on her hand. 

“By the way, consider us even.” Clarke smirked over her shoulder and Lexa’s mouth fell open. 

“You...”

“I keep my promises.”

“Yes, you certainly do.”

Clarke squeezed her hand as they walked up to the host desk at the restaurant. 

“Clarke Griffin, reservations for two.”

“Yes, Miss Griffin, right this way.”

They were seated at a table in the back corner, away from the crowded part of the restaurant.

“So... how did you pull this off?” Lexa asked with a smile as she sat down across the table from Clarke. 

“No idea what you’re talking about.”

“Clarke...the restaurant is crowded and we are at a table alone.”

“Yes, we are.”

“I said nothing expensive or extravagant...”

“And this is neither. It’s not an over expensive restaurant. I just...paid for three tables.”

“Clarke!”

“Lexa...I wanted to spend time with you. Not you and half the restaurant.”

“I just...I don’t want you spending this much money on me...I don’t expect that.”

Clarke smiled and reached across the table to squeeze Lexa’s hand.

“If I thought you expected it, I’d never do it. Please just enjoy the night. Don’t worry about what things cost, ok? It’s my one rule. You got to make one, so should I.”

“Okay...fine.”

“Don’t be mad about it.”

“I’m not...I’m sorry...this is just...being treated like this is new for me. I have a hard time with it.”

“Well, get used to it.”

Lexa rolled her eyes but smiled anyways. Clarke let go of her hand as the waiter walked up to the table. 

“Are you ladies ready to order?”

“I am, but she might need some more time.”

“No, it’s okay, I’ll just have whatever she’s having.”

“Alright then, two pork chops please.”

“Any wine or anything to drink?”

Clarke looked to Lexa, who shook her head. 

“Water is fine, thank you.”

The waiter left and Lexa looked around the restaurant, actually paying attention for the first time. 

“I feel under dressed.”

“You have on more clothes than I’d like.”

Lexa’s mouth fell open as she brought her eyes back to Clarke, expecting to see her laughing or trying to hold back a smile. Instead her blue eyes were dark and intense; Lexa felt her stare on every inch of her skin. 

“Clarke Griffin you are going to be the death of me.” 

The look in Clarke’s eyes softened and she smiled. 

“Sorry, I’ll stop. Too much?”

“Oh, I didn’t say I didn’t like it...just that you’re going to be the death of me.”

“Yea well, you might be the death of me too.”

“So, you said dinner at the Monte Carlo was first. What’s next?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Ugh, I hate surprises.”

“You’ll learn to love them.”

“Apparently you’re going to teach me a lot of new things.”

“You’re leaving that wide open for so many things.”

“Maybe I meant to...”

Lexa arched one eyebrow and bit the corner of her bottom lip as she smirked at Clarke. It took all of Clarke’s self-control not to pull Lexa across the table by her shirt and kiss her; it was going to be a long night.

_____________________________________________________________________

After dinner Clarke and Lexa were walking through the Monte Carlo to the tram that connected the hotel to the Aria and the Bellagio. They were holding hands and Lexa would occasionally lean in to Clarke’s side, like she couldn’t get close enough. 

“Dinner was amazing, everything was so good. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I go eat there every time I come to Vegas. Those pork chops are some of my favorite things ever.”

“So where are we headed now?”

“The Bellagio.”

“Is that the one with the fountains?”

“Yes. They are my favorite part of Vegas.”

“They look awesome on TV.”

“It does them no justice.”

“I’m excited.”

“Good, I’m glad. Our first date was...unexpected. I wanted tonight to be more special.”

Lexa just smiled as they stepped into the tram and found a seat. She wanted to lean against Clarke but was worried she was being too clingy, despite Clarke’s reassurances that she wasn’t. 

They sat down and Clarke glanced sideways at Lexa when she didn’t lean against her like normal. Clarke scooted closer and leaned against Lexa’s side. Lexa giggled and wrapped her arm around the blonde’s waist. Clarke kissed her neck softly before resting her head on Lexa’s shoulder. 

“You were too far away.” She muttered. 

“I’m trying not to be super clingy, besides, this is a nice change.” She ran her thumb over the skin on Clarke’s side. 

“Hmm, I suppose.”

“I can move...”

“Don’t even think about it.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Lexa laughed and ran her fingers through Clarke’s hair. Clarke made a noise that sounded like a hum in the back of her throat. 

“You like it when people play with your hair?” 

“Mhmm.”

“Good to know.”

Clarke shifted closer to Lexa and closed her eyes; it was the most content and relaxed she had felt in a long time. It wasn’t long before the tram pulled up to the Bellagio and Clarke grumbled in protest.

“Come on, let’s go.” Lexa whined as she pushed Clarke with her shoulder. 

“But you’re comfy.”

“I’ll be comfy later too. Let’s go see the fountains.”

“The tram only goes back and forth, we can ride it again and get off next time.”

“Claaarke....”

“Okay, Okay.” 

Clarke laughed as Lexa grabbed her hand and practically drug her off the tram. As soon as they were inside the Bellagio Lexa moved close to Clarke’s side and wrapped her arm around her waist. 

“Trying not be clingy, huh?”

“Eh, fuck it. I’m a clingy person.”

“It’s one of my favorite things about you.”

“Really?”

“Yep. So many people are afraid to be affectionate or show how they feel. It’s nice to be with someone who isn’t.”

With someone. The words gave Lexa butterflies in her stomach. Is that what they were now? She had told Clarke she was hers, and she meant it. Lexa had never felt a connection to anyone the way she did with Clarke. It was intense, and easy at the same time; equal parts exhilarating and terrifying. She also realized she may very well be over thinking everything and Clarke just meant literally being with someone, in the physical sense. 

“Hey, what are you thinking about? You’re doing that thing where you aren’t really here anymore.”

“Nothing. I’m sorry.”

“That was so not a nothing look.”

“You’re too observant.”

“I know.”

“When you said it’s nice to be with someone who isn’t afraid to be affectionate...it just made me smile to think of us as being together but I don’t even know if that’s what you meant and it’s kinds stu-“

“That’s exactly what I meant Lexa.”

“So... I’m dating Clarke Griffin. There’s something I never thought I’d say...”

“If you want to be, yes, you are.”

“Why wouldn’t I want to?” Lexa felt Clarke shrug as they walked.

“People will talk. They’ll say nasty shit about you. They’ll say nasty shit to you about me to try to cause trouble. You know how the drama is in the show world. I’m always a part of it, true or not, and I’d understand if you didn’t want any of that.”

Lexa was quiet for a while as they walked through the hotel. She hadn’t let go of Clarke but she hadn’t said anything either and Clarke’s mind and heart were racing. What if what she’d been trying to say finally sank in and Lexa realized she was done? 

Lexa could feel Clarke get tenser as they walked. She sighed; it wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have as they walked through a crowded hotel. 

“We’re fine Clarke. I just...don’t want to have this conversation here. But please just relax. I’m not going anywhere.”

Clarke smiled as they turned the corner into the lobby. She stopped walking and Lexa pulled away from her, confused. 

“Look up.” Clarke said with a smile. 

Lexa looked up and gasped. The ceiling of the lobby was covered in blown glass flowers in all different sizes, shapes and colors. 

“Oh wow...”

“It’s pretty impressive.”

“It’s gorgeous. Take a picture with me.”

“Ugh, fine.”

Clarke draped her arm around Lexa’s shoulders as Lexa pulled her phone out to take the picture. As she swiped to unlock the screen, Clarke saw that her lock screen was the selfie they’d taken on the swings at the park where Lexa was kissing Clarke’s cheek. 

“Nice lock screen.” Clarke teased. 

“It’s a good picture. Now smile.”

Lexa held out her phone and tilted it so the flowers on the ceiling showed up in the picture. Clarke stuck her tongue out as she snapped the picture. 

“Clarke! Come on.”

“Okay, go.”

Clarke smiled, but then kissed Lexa on the cheek as she took the picture. 

“Send me that one.”

“Only if you take a normal one.”

“Fine. Go.”

They both smiled and Lexa took the picture and sent Clarke the one she asked for. Clarke smirked as she set it as her lock screen. 

“Now we match.” 

“Oh god, we’re already that couple?”

“Yea...I guess we are. Come on, let’s go see the fountains.”

They walked out to the front of the hotel and found a place to lean against the railing surrounding the lake the fountains were in. It didn’t take long before the music started to play and the fountains started to dance. Clarke watched Lexa more than the watched the fountains and smiled as her eyes grew wide. After a few seconds she turned to Clarke with a huge smile on her face. 

“They’re awesome.”

“Keep watching, it gets better.”

Lexa turned her attention back to the fountains and Clarke moved behind her, wrapping her arms around her waist and pulling her close. Lexa leaned into her embrace and rested her hands on top of Clarke’s on her stomach. 

They stood and watched until the end of the song, when the finale was the biggest fountain shooting up taller than the hotel itself. 

When it was over Lexa turned in Clarke’s arms to face her; her greens eyes bright. 

“That was amazing. Thank you. Can we stay and watch them again?”

“We can come back. But we have somewhere else we have to be?”

“There’s more?”

“Of course there’s more.”

“Clarke...”

“One rule Lexa.”

“No...I was just going to say thank you. Tonight has been incredible. You are incredible.” 

Clarke blushed and looked down at her feet. 

“I just...wanted to make sure you had fun. I know that.... your day to day stuff doesn’t make you happy. So, I just wanted to do something that did.”

“Thank you.” Lexa whispered, her voice cracking on tears she was barely holding back. A part of her was terrified that Clarke would hate her eventually once she found out about her past; Nia and Ontari took every opportunity to remind her that no one else would ever hire her if she left Azgeda if they knew everything about her. Ontari constantly told her it was why she would never have any friends or a relationship. Clarke was everything they both said she’d never have, and it constantly felt too good to be true. 

Clarke reached out and tucked a piece of hair behind Lexa’s ear, gently touching her cheek as she did. 

“You’re doing it again. That thing you do where you’re not really here anymore.” Clarke said quietly, her blue eyes clouded with concern. 

Lexa stepped closer, wrapped her arms around Clarke’s waist and tucked her head against Clarke’s neck under her chin. 

“I’m sorry. I’m here. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

“Good. Let’s get going then.”

They walked hand in hand down the strip to the Paris hotel. Lexa looked around open mouthed at all the architecture. They walked inside and Clarke headed straight to the Eiffel Tower line. 

“What are we doing?” Lexa asked as she followed along. 

“Going to the top of the tower. The view is amazing.”

“Oh how cool!”

Clarke smiled as she checked in. 

“Ah, Miss Griffin. Everything is ready for you.”

“Perfect, thank you very much.”

Clarke took their tickets and headed towards the elevator. 

“What is ready?” Lexa asked, poking Clarke in the side.

“You’ll just have to wait and see.”

They got in the elevator and Lexa impatiently squeezed Clarke’s hand. Clarke laughed at her anxiousness. 

The elevator opened and Lexa’s mouth dropped open as she slowly walked to the edge of the viewing platform. 

“Just push the call button when you’re done Miss Griffin.” The elevator operator said with a smile. 

“Thank you.” 

Clarke walked over to where Lexa was standing and staring out over the Vegas skyline. 

“Pretty cool huh?” Clarke said softly. 

“Yes! It’s stunning.”

They slowly walked around the whole platform, looking at the view from all sides of the platform. Lexa smiled the whole time and Clarke pointed out certain landmarks and hotels. They had made it back around to where they started when Lexa looked around, then at Clarke. 

“Why isn’t anyone else up here? This should be packed.... we’re the only ones up here.”

“Yes, we are.”

“How did you manage that?”

“I may or may not have bought all of the tickets for this time slot.”

Lexa pressed her lips together in a tight line and slowly shook her head. She was about to say something when she heard music coming up from the strip and Clarke grabbed her hand and pulled her to the fence. 

“Come on, this is why we had to come up here.”

Lexa looks down and gasped. The fountains at the Bellagio were dancing and she could see the whole thing from the top. Clarke smiled and wrapped her arm around Lexa’s waist as they stood and watched the fountains dance again. The song came to an end and Lexa turned to face Clarke, her back against the fencing that ran around the viewing area. She pulled Clarke by her belt loops until they were inches apart. 

“Clarke...I can’t...I’ll never be able to do anything like this for you.”

“I don’t care Lexa. That’s not what tonight was about.”

“How can I even start to thank you...or explain how much this means to me?” 

“I can think of one way.” 

Clarke’s voice was low, and when Lexa’s eyes met hers the intensity in the took her breath away. 

“W-what?” She stammered, her heart racing. 

“You have no idea how bad I want to kiss you right now.”

A slow smile spread across Lexa’s face as she slid her hand behind Clarke’s neck and pulled her closer. 

“I think I can handle that.” 

She whispered just before their lips met. Lexa’s kiss was soft and tentative, as if she were unsure that it was what Clarke really wanted. 

Clarke’s hands went to Lexa’s hips and gently pulled her closer as she kissed her back. She could feel Lexa trembling so she let her set the pace, even though she had to hold herself back from kissing the girl so hard she couldn’t breathe. Clarke pulled back so she could look at Lexa, but Lexa wrapped her fist in the front of Clarke’s shirt and pressed her forehead into Clarke’s. 

“Don’t you dare fucking stop.” She whispered.

It was all the encouragement Clarke needed and she groaned as she kissed Lexa again, this time without holding back. 

Lexa whimpered as Clarke pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, then moaned as their tongues met for the first time. Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke’s shoulders, her fingers digging into her back. 

Clarke only pulled back when the ache in her lungs reminder her that she needed air, and even then she didn’t want to. She leaned down and kissed Lexa’s neck, gently biting and sucking her way down to her collar bone. 

“Clarke...fuck...”

Lexa moaned and Clarke decided that Lexa moaning her name was probably one of her favorite sounds ever. Lexa wrapped her hands in Clarke’s hair, pulled her face away from her neck and kissed her again. It was soft and slow but at the same time possessive and needy. Lexa slowly untangled her fingers from Clarke’s hair and ran her hands down her arms and let them come to a stop on Clarke’s hips. 

Clarke let herself get lost in Lexa, only pulling back when Lexa did. Lexa rested her forehead against Clarke’s and smiled shyly.

“Wow...” she whispered.

“Yea...wow about covers it. You ok? You’re still shaking.”

“Yea, I’m fine. You’re just.... overwhelming. In the best way possible.... but damn.”

“I’ve been called a lot of things, but never overwhelming.” 

Lexa grinned and kissed Clarke briefly. 

“It’s a compliment. “She whispered as she pulled away. 

“I know. Are you going to shake like that every time I kiss you?”

“That depends, are they all going to be like that?”

“They don’t have to be.” 

She leaned forward and kissed Lexa again, their lips barely touching before she pulled back. Lexa moved with her, bringing her hand up to cup Clarke’s face. The kiss was slow, lazy, and comfortable; liked they’d been together for years. Lexa ran her tongue across Clarke’s bottom lip before pulling away. 

Clarke whined in protest and Lexa smiled as she pressed a soft kiss into the skin just below her earlobe then worked her way slowly down the side of her neck. Her pace was agonizingly slow and Clarke let out a breathy moan as she dug her fingers into Lexa’s shoulders. 

“Shhhh.” 

Lexa shushed into her skin as she continued moving slowly along her neck. Her hands moved under Clarke’s shirt and slowly up her sides, her thumbs tracing gently just under her bra line. 

“God Lexa....” 

Clarke moaned and put her hands on Lexa’s shoulders, trying to pull her closer. Lexa smiled and put her hands on Clarke’s wrists, pulling them off her shoulders and pinning them to Clarke’s sides. 

“Always so much control Clarke.” She whispered, her lips barely leaving Clarke’s neck. 

“Lexa...please....”

“Please what?”

“I don’t...know...god I can’t.... closer...”

Lexa smirked at how needy Clarke sounded. 

“Closer?”

“Yes...you...closer...”

Clarke couldn’t form coherent thoughts with what Lexa’s tongue was doing on her skin. Lexa moved so she was behind Clarke and wrapped her arms around her waist, still pinning her hands to her sides. Clarke leaned back against her and sighed. 

“Better?” Lexa asked quietly as she started kissing her neck again. 

“Yes...but god damn...”

“Relax Clarke.” 

“Relax...with you doing that?”

“Mhmm.” Lexa’s mouth never really left Clarke’s neck to answer; there was always something there. Tongue, lips, or teeth and all of them were almost agonizingly soft touches. Clarke wanted more. 

“I can’t.”

“You can. Let go, just let me.”

Clarke thought about it and Lexa was right; she always took control during anything physical with anyone. She took a deep breath and let herself relax into Lexa’s arms. 

Lexa smiled when she felt Clarke relax. She wasn’t sure that she’d be able to. She heard the music for the fountains start again but paid no attention to them. 

Clarke was surprised at how differently her body reacted to Lexa once she relaxed. Instead of craving more, everything felt warm and heavy. She stared out at the fountains, watching them but much more in tune to what Lexa was doing. She’d let go of Clarke’s waist and her hands over her stomach, her fingers gently splayed out across her ribs. Clarke’s hands were free, but she made no move to touch Lexa, she simply leaned her head back against the other girl and sighed. 

“That feels...amazing.” 

“Good.” Lexa murmured as she placed one last kiss on Clarke’s neck. “You’ve made me feel amazing all night.” 

The fountains had stopped, but neither of them moved. Clarke covered Lexa’s hand with her own and rubbed the back of it with her thumb. 

“Thank you.” 

“You’re thanking me?” Lexa laughed and Clarke turned to face her; her blue eyes serious. 

“Yes, I am. You’re incredible.”

“Says the girl who paid for the entire top of the Eiffel Tower for me?”

“It has nothing to do with money Lexa.”

“I know that Clarke...tonight has been unreal though.”

“It has. We should probably head down though. I don’t get this place to myself all night.”

“I still can’t believe you did all of this for me.” 

“Well, get used to it.” 

Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke and buried her face against her neck. She didn’t mind taking control sometimes, but nothing compared to what it felt like when Clarke held her. 

Clarke kissed her forehead softly before pulling away and heading towards the elevator. The ride downstairs was quiet, with Lexa comfortably leaning on Clarke’s side. 

“Where to now?” She asked as they stepped off the elevator. 

“Wherever you want. That’s all I have planned.”

“Can we go watch the fountains again?” 

“Of course. They’re my favorite too.”

Lexa smiled and took Clarke’s hand as they made their way out on to the strip and back to the front of the Bellagio. They found a seat on one of the benches and sat and waited for the next song to start. 

Lexa tucked her feet up next to her and curled against Clarke’s side. 

“Who are you riding in the Grand Prix this weekend?” Lexa asked as Clarke wrapped one arm around her. 

“Helios and Journey. The only other horse here is Arizona and she’s not ready yet. I’ll be riding her in some lower classes.”

“You and Helios better kick Ontari’s ass again.”

“Isn’t her mare off?”

“Yes but she has Reaper too.”

“He’s such a cool horse. He looks like a fun ride.”

“He is. He’d go better for you than he does for Ontari.”

“He probably goes really well for you too.” Clarke nudged Lexa with her elbow. 

“He’s a good horse.”

Clarke was about to comment on Lexa’s riding ability when the song for the fountains started. Lexa stood up and grabbed Clarke’s hand, pulling her to the railing to watch them from as close as possible. Clarke smiled and wrapped her arms around Lexa from behind, pulling her back against her chest as they watched the fountains dance to the music. The song was a slower, classical piece and Clarke found herself relaxing along with the music. As it ended, she leaned down and kissed Lexa’s neck softly. 

Lexa smiled and turned in Clarke’s arm so she could kiss her. 

“I could do this all night.” She whispered as she pulled back from their kiss. 

“Watch the fountains? Me too. I never get tired of them.”

“I was referring to kissing you, but the fountains are a pretty close second.”

Clarke blushed and looked down at the ground but couldn’t keep the smile off her face. 

“You’re cute when you’re shy.” Lexa teased.

“Do you want to watch them again, or should we get going?”

“I want to watch them again, but we really should get going. It’s getting late and it’s always an early morning at the barn.”

“True, and we still have to get back to the hotel. Do you want to leave from here? Or go back to the monte carlo? They have a pretty good cupcake place and a cool candy store.”

“Well who am I to say no to cupcakes and candy?”

Clarke laughed and took her hand as they walked back into the Bellagio. They stopped and looked at the chocolate fountain before getting back on the tram to the Monte Carlo. Clarke curled up against Lexa’s side on the tram again and sighed as Lexa ran her fingers through her hair. 

“You know what’s going to suck?” Lexa asked quietly.

“Hm?”

“When we aren’t at shows and can’t see each other this often.”

“Yea…I thought about that too. We’ll figure something out. Ontari and I show at a lot of the same shows.”

“I know…. but this has been so perfect.”

“It has.”

“Do you think…we’re moving too fast?”

Clarke sat up and turned to face Lexa, her blue eyes questioning.

“Do you? I’m sorry if I-“

“No. It has nothing to do with you. It’s just…I don’t know. We don’t really know each other…”

“Lexa…if this is too much for you, please let me know now…”

“It’s not that. It’s…the way I feel about you…I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. We don’t really know each other, but that’s not how it feels. Everything just feels so…”

“Right? Easy? Comfortable? Scary as fuck? Too intense?”

Lexa’s mouth fell open as she stared at Clarke and nodded slowly.

“Yea…all of that.”

“Yes, it feels all of that, and it feels like it’s all happening too fast, but at the same time, it feels like the easiest think I’ve ever done. If it’s too much for you though, I understand. But just…please tell me now...if you want out, just say so.”

“No. I don’t. I just wasn’t sure…or wanted to make sure you felt the same way.”

“I do, and it’s scary. But is anything really worth it if it doesn’t scare the shit out of you sometimes?”

“I guess not. So…”

“We just see where it goes. Try not to question it too much.”

“I just feel like it’s too good to be true, ya know?”

“I do.”

Lexa sighed as the tram came to a stop at the Monte Carlo. Her real fear was that Clarke was too good for her and would realize that eventually, but she couldn’t say that part out loud.

“Hey.” Clarke whispered, taking her hand. “If you don’t want to do this…it’s okay.”

Lexa shook her head and pulled Clarke towards her, kissing her briefly before pulling back. 

“I do. I just needed to know I wasn’t the only one who felt those things I guess.”

“You’re not, but I’m in it if you are.”

Lexa nodded and smiled slowly, pulling the corner of her bottom lip between her teeth as she did.

“Yea, I am.” 

“Good, because you freaked me out for a second there. Let’s go get cupcakes.”

Clark took Lexa’s hand and they walked off the tram and through the hotel to the cupcake place. They shared a red velvet cupcake before heading to the candy store where they bought a ridiculous amount of candy just because they wanted to fill up plastic guitars. 

Lexa curled against Clarke’s side in the back of the cab on the way to their hotel.

“I’m sorry for the freak out moment I had in the tram. Tonight was just…so perfect-“

“Lexa, you have nothing to be sorry for.”

Lexa nodded against Clarke’s shoulder and decided to just let it go. All too soon they were being dropped off in the front of their hotel. They got out of the cab and Clarke moved away from Lexa. 

“Tonight was amazing…I know I’ve said it a few times, but thank you.”

“I’m glad you had a good time. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yea, I’ll text you.” 

Clarke nodded and turned to leave when Lexa caught her wrist.

“You’re not going to kiss me goodnight?” She whispered when Clarke turned to look at her. 

“People from the barn are here…I thought you didn’t want this getting back to Nia or Ontari.”

“I don’t care anymore.”

“Well in that case, hell yes I’m going to kiss you goodnight.” 

Lexa smiled as Clarke pulled her close and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around Clarke’s waist and pulled herself even closer, not wanting to let go. Clarke laughed into the kiss as she pulled back.

“Good Night Lexa…”

Lexa leaned forward and placed a chaste peck on Clarke’s lips before letting her go.

“Good Night Clarke...”

Clarke turned and walked into the hotel, not bothering to keep the smile off of her face. As she got in the elevator her phone buzzed on her hip. 

Raven: How’s it going?

Clarke: Perfect. Just got back to the hotel.

Raven: You know I’m going to want details. Did you finally kiss the girl?

Clarke: You can have details tomorrow. Yes, I kissed her. At the top of the tower at Paris.

Raven: Good lord Clarke, did you plan that?”

Clarke: Of course I did. I mean, I planned the tower and was hoping for the kiss.

Raven: And?

Clarke: I wasn’t disappointed

Raven: All bullshit aside, I’m happy for you Clarke

Clarke: Thanks Rae. I’ll tell you everything tomorrow. Have fun with Luna

Raven: How did you know…nevermind. You always fucking know

Clarke laughed and tossed her phone on the nightstand as she walked in her room. She changed into pajamas and flopped into her bed. She picked up her phone to set her alarm and there was a text.

Lexa: Coffee in the morning?

Clarke: You can just come to say hi, you don’t have to bring me coffee

Lexa: You’re saying no to coffee?

Clarke: I’m saying I want to see you, regardless of coffee

Lexa: see you in the morning :)

Clarke shook her head; it was ridiculous how much she liked the girl already. At least she knew Lexa felt the same way and they could be ridiculous together.

________________________________________________________________

Lexa smiled and put her phone back in her pocket as she got off the elevator and headed towards her room. She felt ridiculous for wanting to see Clarke again already but at the same time she didn’t care. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been so happy. Clarke made her feel differently than anyone she’d ever been around.

She opened and closed the hotel room door quietly as she slipped inside. She leaned back against the door and closed her eyes for a moment, smiling to herself and hanging on to the memories of the night before heading into the room.

“Where have you been?”

Nia’s cold voice came from the couch across the room.

“Out with a friend.” 

“You don’t have friends, and you never go out. Ontari said you were out last night also. Who have you been out with?”

“A friend.”

“I know when you’re lying Lexa. I know exactly who you’ve been out with. You’ve been going out with Clarke Griffin and it hasn’t been as just friends.”

Nia stood up and walked across the room so she was standing in front of Lexa.

“I will not have that trashy slut’s name associated with Azgeda. You are not to see her again.”

“Why does it matter who I see?”

“Because you are my niece. You work for me. You are associated with Azgeda, no matter how unfortunate that is. Anyone you are with will be as well and I will not have it be that whore.”

“You can’t tell me who I can and can’t see Nia. I’m not a child.”

“I can, and I will. If you continue to see her, I will no longer allow you to work for me. I will also make sure everyone else in the circuit knows who you really are, and no one else would be willing to hire you either and you know it.”

Lexa cringed and fought hard to keep her tears in check as Nia continued.

“You are to text her and tell her that you’ve changed your mind. That you’ve realized who she really is and you don’t want to have anything to do with her.”

“I’ll stop seeing her, but why do I have to say any of that.”

“Because I said so. You’ll do it now and show me the text before you send it.”

“Nia…please. I’ll stop seeing her. But there isn’t a reason to make me say those things to her.”

“Because she has caused enough trouble for this family over the years. I can’t believe you would ever go out with her in the first place. But your loyalties have never been to me or this family, even when they should be. Go on, text her.”

Lexa’s hands shook as she pulled out her phone.

Clarke, I’ve been thinking about everything and I’m afraid I can’t see you anymore. More of your reputation keeps coming to light and you aren’t the kind of person I want to associate myself with.

She turned her phone screen so Nia could see it. 

“Good, send it.”

“Nia….please….”

“Send it Lexa. You’ll get over her.”

Lexa hit send and started at Nia, her eyes cold.

“Good. If I see you with her again, you’re done. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes.”

“Go to bed. It will be an early morning tomorrow.”

Lexa kept her tears in check until she was in her bed, then she started sobbing so hard she thought she was going to throw up. She wanted to text Clarke and explain everything but she knew Nia would check her phone for quite some time.

She also knew it was no use fighting against her aunt. She could completely destroy her life if she wanted to. She had no choice but it didn’t mean that she didn’t feel like her heart was being ripped out of her chest; she had just totally destroyed the best thing she’d ever known.

She should have known better. She should have just stayed away from Clarke, and then none of this would be happening. She wouldn’t have hurt the one person who had treated her like an actual person. Her sobbing eventually slowed, then stop and she felt herself go numb. Her mind just shut down and she finally drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me too much? 
> 
> Reviews = love
> 
> Come say hi on Instagram, @more.than.just.surviving


	5. Chapter 5

Clarke woke up and stretched, reaching for her phone and randomly hitting it until the alarm shut off. She smiled when she saw she already had a text from Lexa.

 

**Lexa** : Clarke, I’ve been thinking about everything and I’m afraid I can’t see you anymore. More of your reputation keeps coming to light and you aren’t the kind of person I want to associate myself with.

 

Her heart felt like it stopped and she immediately felt like she was going to throw up. She checked the time stamp and saw it was not too long after the last text Lexa had sent her about coming in the morning. Her mind was reeling and she couldn’t figure out what had gone wrong.

 

**Clarke** : Lexa…if this is some kind of joke it isn’t funny at all. Wtf?

 

She hit send and started pacing the room, telling herself not to cry, that there was something that she had over looked or there was some sort of mistake.

 

Ten minutes when by and Lexa hadn’t replied.

 

**Clarke** : Lexa…please…what the hell happened?

 

Clarke sat on the edge of her bed with her head in her hands and waited another twenty minutes then called Raven.

 

“Clarke? What’s wrong? You never call.”

 

“Rae…I can’t….she…please come here.”

 

“I’m at the door.”

 

Clarke stumbled to the door of her room and opened it. Raven wrapped her arms around Clarke before even stepping inside the room and Clarke finally let herself fall apart. She sobbed into Raven’s shoulder so hard she couldn’t breathe.

 

“Hey..shhhh…what the hell happened Clarke? Everything was good last night.”

 

Clarke just shoved her phone at Raven and started pacing the floor again in an effort to stop crying.

 

“This bitch. I’ll kill her. I thought last night went well?”

“I thought so too. But she won’t respond to me, which is unlike her.”

 

“Tell me about last night.”

 

“No…I can’t…not now. It was so perfect, or at least I thought it was….”

 

“Clarke…there has to be a reason.”

 

“She made it pretty clear what her reason is. I just thought she was different.”

 

Raven could hear the cold edge in Clarke’s voice and knew she was shutting down.

 

“Clarke...don’t do this. Maybe you should go talk to her.”

 

“And say what? Sorry I’m such a whore and you can’t stand me? No. She clearly doesn’t want to talk to me.”

 

“Clarke…you know that’s not true. Don’t say shit like that about yourself.”

 

“Why not? Everyone else does. Maybe I should just start living up to the rumors. It would be easier than this shit always happening.”

 

“You’re upset, and rightfully so, but…there has to be an explanation. Don’t do this.”

 

“I’m going to go ride. I’ll see you at the barn.”

 

Raven sighed. She knew once Clarke shut down there was no getting to her until she spiraled out of control and finally fell apart. She just hoped her friend didn’t destroy herself too much in the process.

 

______________________________________________________________

 

It was the first day of the show and Clarke hadn’t heard from or seen Lexa in the days since she’d text that she didn’t want to see her anymore. She had tried texting her a few times but got no reply and she hadn’t seen her at the barn at all.

 

Clarke was in the warm up arena on her bay and white warmblood mare Arizona when she finally saw Lexa in another arena on Ontari’s horse, Reaper.

 

“Griffin, focus!” Raven called when she noticed Clarke watching Lexa.

 

Clarke shook her head to clear her thoughts and pointed the mare at one of the warm up fences.

 

Her mind was not where it was supposed to be an Arizona hesitated, backing off before the jump. Clarke over corrected and the mare launched forward, pitching Clarke up onto her neck on the landing.

 

“Fuck, I’m sorry girl.” Clarke muttered as she pet the mare’s neck. She circled back and jumped the fence again, this time flawlessly. She rode over to the side of the arena where Raven was.

 

“Get your head in the game Clarke.”

 

“She hasn’t even come over to say anything…”

 

“I know, but you have a horse to ride. Don’t think about her right now. You’re up next and Arizona needs you to be focused. You look like shit, and I know you haven’t been sleeping or eating much, but I also know you can pull it together and ride. I’ve seen you do it in worse shape than you are now.”

 

“This fucking hurts Rae…”

 

“I know, but you can’t right now, okay?”

 

Clarke nodded and collected her reins as her number was called. She rode into the arena at the trot and noticed Lexa standing at the rail as she rode in. A flash of anger tore through her and she wondered what made her think it was okay show up now. Lexa looked up and their eyes met for a second and the only thing that registered to Clarke was that Lexa looked so broken.

 

Lexa’s heart broke when her eyes met Clarke’s; her blue eyes were normally so bright and full of emotion, but they were cold and expressionless. She looked like she hadn’t been sleeping at all. Lexa could understand, she hadn’t been sleeping either. She longed to say something to Clarke, to explain that it wasn’t her. That she’d never in a million years think that way about Clarke; but she was being watched and she couldn’t, so she just stood quietly watching.

 

Raven walked up to the rail and stood next to Lexa.

 

“Why don’t you fucking leave?” She said her voice low.

 

“I don’t want to be here anymore than you want me here. It’s where I’ve been told to be.”

 

Lexa’s voice was cold but there were tears in her eyes. Nia had told her to stand by the arena for Clarke’s ride. She had done everything she could to get out of it, but Nia was watching her like a hawk.

She could tell Clarke wasn’t herself. Her riding was stiff and jerky; not how she normally rode where she looked like she was an extension of the horse itself.

 

The bell rang and Clarke pointed Arizona at the first fence. She tried to push Lexa out of her head but all she could see where those dull green eyes.

 

Arizona cleared the first fence and Clarke briefly forgot where she was supposed to be going. She jerked the right rein just in time and they cleared the second fence but now Arizona was fighting with her. The mare preferred a really smooth ride and Clarke was not giving it to her. She fought to hold the mare back and their ride through the triple combination was rough.

 

“God dammit Clarke.” Raven muttered

 

Lexa cringed as Clarke over corrected the mare for something and made her throw her head in the air and come to a screeching halt in front of the fence.

 

Clarke sighed and pet the mares neck. She put her hand on the brim of her helmet and nodded her head, indicating to the judge that she was dropping out of the class. It was something she hadn’t done in years but she was in no condition to ride.

 

“This is your fucking fault.” Raven muttered as Clarke walked out of the arena.

 

Lexa swallowed hard but didn’t say anything as Raven walked away. There was nothing to say that would fix anything. Nia walked up beside her looking smug.

 

“Looks like you might be useful for once. If you keep affecting her like that, there is no way in hell she will win the Grand Prix.”

 

Lexa ground her teeth together to keep herself from saying anything and headed back to her barn.

 

Clarke dismounted as soon as Raven took Arizona’s reins. She patted the mare on the shoulder.

 

“I’m sorry girl, that was all me. I’m in no condition to ride.”

 

“Clarke….I’m sorry.”

 

“I’m going to go talk to her. I can’t do this.”

 

“Do you really think that is a good idea?”

“No, but I’m doing it anyhow.”

 

Raven sighed as Clarke stormed off towards Azgeda’s barn.

 

Clarke walked up to the Azgeda tack room to find Lexa sitting on a bale of hay outside.

 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” She demanded as she walked up.

 

Lexa looked up in shock as Clarke stormed up to her; her blue eyes cold and full of anger. Lexa felt something inside her break and all she wanted was to wrap herself in Clarke’s arms; a feeling she knew she’d never feel again.

 

“Clarke…you need to leave. I don’t want to be seen with you.”

 

Her voice was cold and spoke nothing of the war waging in her mind, or how much she wanted to just collapse into Clarke’s arms and tell her everything.

 

Her words hit Clarke like a physical blow to the stomach and she stopped short.

 

“Fuck you Lexa. I thought you were different. I should have known better I guess.”

 

She turned on her heel and walked away without looking back. Had she looked back she would have seen Lexa collapse onto the hay bale with tears rolling down her face.

 

* * *

 

 

Later that evening Lexa was finishing up cleaning stalls and feeding horses; she was coming out of the tack room to lock up when all of a sudden something connected with the left side of her face and knocked her to her knees. She clutched the side of her face and looked up to see Raven standing in front of her.

 

“You’re lucky I don’t kick you while you’re down there you fucking bitch.”

 

She practically spit the words at Lexa.

 

“Go ahead.” Lexa muttered, not bothering to get up.

 

“What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you have any idea how much you’ve hurt her? And then to come watch her ride. Why? Just to fuck with her head?”

 

“Raven…I’m sorry…”

 

“You’re sorry? No. You don’t get to be sorry. Sorry doesn’t fix this. Nothing fixes this. What kind of sick joy do you get from this?”

 

“I…just go…”

 

“Stay away from the ring while she rides, understand? If I see you near one again, you’ll have more than a bruised face to deal with.”

 

Raven turned and stormed off. Lexa sat on the ground for a second before getting up and brushing herself off. She mindlessly locked the tack room before heading back to the hotel room.

 

She didn’t bother looking in the mirror or changing before collapsing in the bed. She curled into the fetal position and finally let the tears come. The sobs shook her whole body and it wasn’t long before she ran to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet until there was nothing left and she just stood there dry heaving. She slid down the wall and just sat on the floor near the toilet.

 

She couldn’t get Clarke’s eyes out of her mind and how cold and distant they’d looked. She’d never seen them that way and it was killing her to know that she was the reason.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke lay in her bed staring at the ceiling when Raven walked in.

 

“Luna and I are going out. You should come. Get your mind off of things.”

 

“Thanks Rae, but no.”

 

Raven sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed.

 

“Clarke…don’t let her do this to you…please.”

 

“I’m fine Raven, I just don’t want to go anywhere okay? Go, have fun.”

 

Clarke turned to face the wall and heard Raven sigh, then felt her get up and leave. It wasn’t until she was sure she was alone that she let the tears fall. They rolled silently down her face as she ran every single moment with Lexa over in her mind trying to figure out what she’d done wrong. She did it over and over again until exhaustion set in and she drifted off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Lexa was still sitting on the bathroom floor when Ontari got back to the hotel room.

 

“My god you are pathetic. You really think Clarke Griffin was going to stay with you anyhow? My mom did you a favor. This was bound to happen eventually. And with the way things are going now, Reaper and I are pretty much set to win the Grand Prix so maybe you’ll finally be useful.”

 

Lexa didn’t say a word to Ontari, just stood up and walked back to her bed. She looked at her phone to see what time it was and was shocked to see it was after midnight. She had no idea how long she’d been on the bathroom floor.

 

She cringed at the picture of her and Clarke that was still her lock screen; she couldn’t bring herself to change it. They both looked so happy. They had both been so happy. Lexa had never been as happy as she’d been when she was with Clarke.

 

Ontari walked out of the bathroom and laughed again at Lexa.

 

“Ontari, can’t you just shut up.” Lexa huffed, exhausted.

 

“I enjoy your misery though Lexa, you know that.” There was a teasing tone in her voice, but Lexa knew it was the truth and something inside her snapped. She was done.

 

She stood up and headed for the door.

 

“Where do you think you’re going?”

 

“To do what I should have done a long time ago.”

 

“If you’re going to see Clarke it’s a mistake. It will cost you your job.”

 

“Some things are worth more than this stupid fucking job.”

 

* * *

 

 

After some convincing at the front desk, Lexa had gotten Clarke’s hotel room number from the front desk clerk by pretending to be her girlfriend there with a surprise for their anniversary.

 

She stood outside the room for at least five minutes before gathering the courage to knock. She knocked several times and was about to give up when the door slowly opened.

 

Clarke looked like shit; her hair was a mess and her eyes were bloodshot and swollen from crying.

 

“What the fuck do you want? Someone might see you with me ya know.”

 

“I…I know I don’t deserve for you to listen to me but Clarke…please…”

 

“What makes you think I’m interested in what you have to say?”

 

“You probably aren’t….but I had to try. This is killing me Clarke…please…just give me five minutes.”

 

“It’s killing you? So what, you want time to talk to me to make yourself feel better?”

 

“No…I deserve all of this but you don’t…you didn’t deserve any of it and…the look in your eyes is killing me. Clarke….please….”

 

Clarke stared at her for a minute before turning away from the door and walking inside the room. Lexa followed and shut the door behind her.

 

“Start talking.”

 

“Nia was waiting up for me when I got home from our date that night. She knew I had been with you and she was pissed. She said she didn’t want Azgeda’s name associated with you and your reputation.

 

She told me I wasn’t allowed to see you anymore or she would fire me and make sure I wouldn’t be allowed to work anywhere else either. Then she made me send that text….”

 

“How does someone make you send a text?”

 

“She told me what to say and stood there until I sent it. And I know that shouldn’t matter, I should have said no or at least found a time to explain this to you before, but I was so scared of her. I’ve always been scared of her and what she’s going to tell everyone about me some day when I piss her off enough.”

 

“So what’s different now?”

 

“You. I can’t let my fear of her do this to you. I…care too much. I don’t think any of those things about you Clarke…I think you’re amazing and I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I’m not even asking for it. I just…I needed to tell you the truth.”

 

“And why do you think I’m going to believe you now?”

 

“I knew you’d say that, and I don’t know if this is going to be good enough, but it’s the only thing I can do.”

Lexa pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialed Nia’s number and put the phone on speaker. She picked up on the second ring and Clarke knew without a doubt that the voice on the other end was Nia’s.

 

“Where the hell are you Lexa? And who the fuck do you think you are?”

 

“I came to tell Clarke the truth Nia. About the fact that you made me send her that text.”

 

“Do you think this is a game little girl? I told you I don’t want you around that slut dragging my barn’s name down with you. Do you think I won’t fire you? Because I will.”

 

“I don’t care Nia, I quit. Some things are worth more than a job.”

 

Lexa pushed the end button before Nia had a chance to reply and Clarke’s mouth dropped open.

 

“What are you going to do?”

 

“I don’t know. I don’t care. Nothing is worth what I did to you. And for what it’s worth…I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to stand up to her before I fucked everything up by sending that text. I’m just…sorry.”

 

“You didn’t mean what you said in that text?” Clarke’s voice was barely above a whisper.

 

“No…god no. Not at all…it killed me to send it. It still kills me to think about it and the fact that I was so fucking weak that I couldn’t stand up to her. I’ll never forgive myself for sending that to you Clarke…”

 

“Even if I do?”

 

Lexa had been staring everywhere but at Clarke as she spoke but now her eyes sought out Clarke’s and found them sincere and brimming with tears.

 

“What?”

 

“Can you forgive yourself for sending it if I forgive you?”

 

“I…don’t know.”

 

“Well, maybe you can try…because it’s a lot to carry shit like that around.”

 

Lexa nodded and stood up to leave when she felt Clarke’s hand around her wrist. She turned around to find the blonde standing a few inches away.

 

“Don’t go.” Clarke whispered and pulled Lexa into her arms.

 

Lexa crashed into Clarke, shaking as sobs ripped through her body.

 

“I’m sorry….I’m so sorry…”

 

She muttered into Clarke’s neck as she pressed herself as close as possible. Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa, her nails digging into the back of her shoulders.

 

“God I fucking missed you…you were killing me…”

 

“I know…I was killing me too…I can’t…god I thought I’d never feel this again. I’m so stupid…so fucking stupid.”

 

“Yea you are.”

 

“I’m sorry…”

 

“I know you are.”

 

“Thank you…for listening.”

 

“Thank you for coming…I know how controlling Nia and Ontari are over you. I had no idea it was to this extent though…I know how hard it was for you to come.”

 

“Once I pulled my head out of my ass it was the easiest choice I’ve ever made. I couldn’t do this to you.”

 

Clarke loosened her hold on Lexa to step back, but Lexa clung to her tighter.

 

“Please don’t…”

 

“Lexa…look at me…”

 

Lexa let go enough to lean back and look at Clarke.

 

“Oh my god, what happened to your eye? Was that Ontari? I’ll kill her…”

 

Clarke gently ran her fingers over Lexa’s left cheek; her eye was swollen, black and blue. She’d been so mad when Lexa came in that she hadn’t even noticed.

 

“No…not Ontari…it was Raven. And she had every right to do it.”

 

“Raven…hit you?”

 

“Yea, she did. I’m lucky it’s all she did. I deserved a hell of a lot more.”

 

“I can’t believe…actually yes I can. Let me get ice for you.”

 

Lexa wrapped her fist in Clarke’s shirt.

 

“Lexa, you have to let go of me at some point.”

 

“I…never thought I’d be here again...”

 

“I’m just getting ice, I’ll be right back.”

 

Clarke peeled herself out of Lexa’s arms and headed down the hall to the ice machine. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and text Raven.

 

**Clarke** : You hit her?

 

**Raven** : Fuck yes I hit her. She’s lucky I didn’t kill her. No one treats my best friend like that and gets away with it. If she ends up at the arena when you ride again I will hunt her down….wait…how do you know I hit her?

 

**Clarke** : I love you Raven. I don’t think I tell you that enough. And she came to my room and explained everything. I’m getting ice for her face. You hit her pretty hard.

 

**Raven** : Do I need to come do it again?

 

**Clarke** : No. It wasn’t even her. It was all Nia. I’ll explain it later. Thank you

 

**Raven** : For hitting her?

 

**Clarke** : lol yes, but not literally. For caring enough about me to hit her.

 

**Raven** : Any time

 

Clarke slipped her phone back in her pocket as she filled the ice bucket with ice and headed back to the room. Lexa was sitting on her bed when she walked back in and she looked so broken. The tears had started again and her whole body shook with the sobs. Clarke sighed; the past few days had been some of the hardest she’d been through recently. Thinking that Lexa hadn’t meant any of the things she’d said on their dates and had ended up hating her had about broke her. Knowing it wasn’t true felt like and enormous weight had been lift off of her chest, and knowing that she meant enough to Lexa for Lexa to walk away from Ontari and Nia meant everything.

 

“Hey…where is this coming from?” She whispered as she sat down next to Lexa and wrapped her arms around her.

 

“I’m so fucking stupid…I’m sorry…”

 

“Lexa…please stop.”

 

“Why are you comforting me? I fucked everything up…I don’t deserve this…”

 

Lexa tried to pull away from Clarke but Clarke wouldn’t let her go.

 

“Yes, you fucked up. But everyone fucks up. You know what else you did? You made it right. I know how scary it was for you to leave Azgeda. You haven’t told me what the deal is between you, Nia and Ontari, but what little I do know, I know they have some sort of control over you. I know you’re terrified of them and what they can do to you…and you chose me over all of that.”

 

“I had to…I couldn’t…you looked so broken and it was because of me and I couldn’t live with myself.”

 

“You didn’t have to. You could have walked away. You said it the other night; we don’t know each other that well. This has all been really intense…you could have just left. But you didn’t. You chose me. I can’t even explain to you how much that means to me…”

 

Clarke’s voice cracked as she started crying. Lexa reached up and wiped the tears off her face.

 

“Please don’t cry.”

 

“I think we’ve both done enough crying over the past few days to last quite a while.”

 

“I agree.”

 

Clarke let go of Lexa and got a towel from the bathroom. She wrapped some ice in it and handed it to Lexa.

 

“Hold that on your face. I’d say I’m sorry that Raven hit you…but I don’t know that I am.”

 

Lexa laughed for the first time in days.

 

“I’m not even sorry she hit me. I deserved it. So…where do we go from here?”

 

“We’ll figure it out tomorrow. I don’t know about you, I’m exhausted.”

 

“Me too…I’ll leave so you can sleep.”

 

“Leave? Where are you going? I don’t think Nia is going to let you back in their room.”

 

“I…hadn’t thought about it. I’ll figure something out.”

 

“Just…stay here.”

 

“Clarke…you don’t need to do that.”

 

“I know, but there are two beds and its 2am and it’s stupid for you to figure something out. The hotel is pretty booked; you’d probably have to stay somewhere else. Just stay. We’ll figure things out tomorrow.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Clarke nodded and walked into the bathroom. She splashed water on her face and looked in the mirror for the first time in days as she dried her face off. She cringed at her reflection; she looked horrible.

 

When she went back into the room Lexa was already laying down; she was curled in a ball on her side facing the wall and Clarke could tell by the way her body was shaking that she was crying again. She sighed and started to get in her bed, too tired to deal with anything else but the strangled noises coming from Lexa tore at her heart; and if she were being honest she didn’t want to be alone.

 

She crawled in to bed behind Lexa and pressed herself against the other girls back, wrapping her arm around Lexa’s waist and pulling her close.

 

“Is this okay?” She whispered, leaning her head against the back of Lexa’s shoulder.

 

“Y-yes.”

 

“Good, now go to sleep.”

 

She pressed a kiss on Lexa’s shoulder, and one on her neck, then whispered in her ear.

 

“I’m right here, you’re okay, just go to sleep.”

 

Lexa turned over so she was facing Clarke and buried her face in Clarke’s neck, pressing herself as close as possible. Clarke shifted and wrapped her arms around Lexa’s shoulders.

 

“Better?”

 

She felt Lexa nod against her chest. She ran her hand gently up and down Lexa’s back until she felt the other girls breathing level out as she drifted off to sleep. Once she was sure she was asleep Clarke let the tears come. She cried quietly so she didn’t wake Lexa up. She was tired of crying, but at least these tears were tears of relief, not anguish. She had an idea of how they could work everything out, she just wasn’t sure Lexa would go for it. No matter what happened, the fact that Lexa had chosen her kept replaying in her mind and she knew they would figure something out.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke’s eyes fluttered open slowly, squinting at the stream of sunlight hitting her face; she glared angrily at the two inch gap between the curtains where the light was coming in and shifted so it wasn’t hitting her in the face anymore. 

 

Lexa’s arm tightened around her waist as she snuggled closer to Clarke in her sleep. Clarke smiled; Lexa hadn’t let go of her all night and she didn’t mind at all. She turned in her arms so she was facing Lexa and ran her thumb lightly over the bruise on her face; Raven must have been really mad to hit her that hard. 

 

Lexa mumbled something and draped her leg over Clarke’s.

 

“Hey, time to get up. It’s almost noon.”

 

Clarke whispered as she ran her fingers through Lexa’s hair. 

 

“Mhmm, don’t wanna.” Lexa mumbled. 

 

“So...we’re just going to stay in bed all day?”

 

“Okay.” Lexa scooted impossibly closer and pressed her face into Clarke’s neck. 

She sighed and her breath on Clarke’s skin gave her goosebumps. 

 

“I was being sarcastic Lexa.”

 

“Ugh. I wasn’t.”

 

“You’re also half asleep.”

 

“Maybe.”

 

Lexa smiled and finally opened her eyes. She scooted back so she could look at Clarke. 

 

“You’re still here.”

 

“Of course I am, where else would I go?”

 

“Away from me?”

 

“Lexa...if I wanted away from you would I have asked you to stay? And then ended up in the same bed with you clinging to me like a spider money all night?”

 

“A spider monkey? Did you just call me a spider monkey?”

 

“Well...” Clarke glanced down at the lack of space between them and the fact that Lexa was draped halfway across her body.

 

“If you’re going to compare me to a clingy animal, I’d prefer to be called a koala.”

 

“I could have called you a leech. Or a vampire bat. Or-“

 

“All of a sudden I’m okay with spider monkey. Though I’m still mildly offended. And no longer want to cling.”

 

She rolled onto her back and was shocked when Clarke moved with her, moving over her body so she was straddling her hips and looking down at her. 

 

“That’s such a lie. And besides, you’re my spider monkey.”

 

Clarke leaned down and her lips met Lexa’s in a long, slow kiss. Lexa sighed and wrapped her arms around Clarke, pulling her closer. Clarke pulled back from the kiss and went to move off of Lexa. 

 

“No, don’t.”

 

“Lexa...I’m not laying on you.”

 

Lexa pokes her lower lip out in a pout and tugged on the front of Clarke’s shirt. Clarke huffed and shifted her position so her legs were both on one side of Lexa and laid her upper body on Lexa’s, her head resting on Lexa’s chest. 

 

Lexa smiled and ran the fingers of one hand through Clarke’s hair, her other arm draped across her lower back. Clarke closed her eyes and sighed; content for the first time in days. 

 

“Maybe this isn’t so bad.”

 

She felt Lexa’s laugh in her chest and then felt herself start to drift off to sleep as Lexa played with her hair. 

 

* * *

 

 

A few hours later Lexa gently shook Clarke to wake her up. 

 

“Clarke...Raven has text you like eight times and I’m pretty sure if you don’t reply she’s going to show up at the door.”

 

“Tell her to fuck off.” Clarke mumbled, half asleep as she softly kissed Lexa’s neck. 

 

“I’m probably not the right person to tell Raven to fuck off. Our last encounter didn’t end well for my face. I also don’t have her number. Your phone kept vibrating and I looked at the screen to make sure it wasn’t a call or something.”

 

“It’s fine. Hand me my phone?”

 

Lexa handed Clarke her phone and Clarke held it out and took a picture of herself draped across Lexa. 

 

“Oh god, don’t send that to her!” Lexa whined. Clarke read Raven’s messages.

 

**Raven** : I’ll feed, you sleep. God knows you need it. 

 

**Raven** : Horses are fed. I’ll work Helios and Journey. Assuming you’re still asleep. 

 

**Raven** : you could at least say thank you

 

**Raven** : Griffin you’re an asshole

 

**Raven** : thank god you aren’t showing today, clearly you would have missed classes 

 

**Raven** : the makeup sex must be amazing, or it better be since you’re ignoring me

 

**Raven** : Clarke seriously. Have you died? Do I need to come hit Lexa again?

 

**Raven** : text me back you bitch 

 

Clarke laughed and typed a text and attached the picture 

 

**Clarke** : I’m comfy, go away 

 

**Raven** : YOU’RE ALIVE and wearing too much clothing for make up sex. You ok?

 

**Clarke** : yes. Thank you for taking care of the horses. I’ll get nighttime feedings. 

 

**Raven** : are you and Lexa ok?

 

**Clarke** : we will be. I’m going to offer her a job. I need someone since you’re leaving and she quit with Azgeda

 

**Raven** : oh shit. Did she stay with you last night 

 

**Clarke** : yes 

 

**Raven** : Damn Clarke, you really care for her. 

 

**Clarke** : I do. And it’s moving crazy fast but...I don’t care. I’m not pushing this one away. 

 

**Raven** : Good. Aside from her little issue recently, I think she’s good for you. 

 

**Clarke** : that wasn’t her. I’ll tell you in person, but she’s completely beating herself up for it. 

 

**Raven** : well, hopefully she takes your offer. I’ll check in with you later 

 

**Clarke** : thanks Rae

 

Clarke tossed her phone back on the nightstand and raised herself up on one elbow to look at Lexa. 

 

“Sorry I fell asleep on you.”

 

“It’s okay, I kinda like you there.”

 

“Only kinda?”

 

“Maybe more than kinda...”

 

“Maybe? Well fine then.”

 

Clarke teased as she moved away from Lexa and rolled onto her back on the other side of the bed. 

 

“You know it’s more than kinda, you asshole.” 

 

Lexa laughed as she moved with Clarke, pressing into her side. 

 

“Prove it.”

 

Lexa raised one eyebrow and ran her hand up the middle of Clarke’s stomach, her nails raking gently across the skin under her shirt. She leaned forward and ran her tongue along the side of Clarke’s neck, biting softly a few times. Clarke’s whole body shuddered when Lexa’s lips finally met hers. 

 

“Damn...” she moaned when Lexa pulled back from the kiss. Lexa blushed and tucked her face into Clarke’s neck. 

 

“If you don’t know how much I like you, I’m doing something wrong.” She whispered. 

 

“No...you’re definitely doing things right.”

 

“Except when I totally fuck things up.” 

 

Lexa pulled away from Clarke, fighting hard to keep her tears in check. How could she have let herself forgotten even for a second how much she had screwed up in the last few days? How much she’d hurt Clarke? She didn’t deserve to be so happy with Clarke; she didn’t deserve Clarke at all. 

 

“Hey...where the hell did that come from Lexa?” 

 

Clarke reached for her but Lexa pushed her hand away and turned to face the wall. 

 

“I’m sorry...I don’t know how I let myself forget how bad I messed things up.”

 

“No. You don’t get to do this Lexa. I’m not Nia, I’m not Ontari. You don’t get to just endlessly blame yourself for things. So you have two choices: you sit up and we talk about this or you get the fuck out of my hotel room because I am not going to let you destroy yourself in front of me.”

 

Lexa was shocked at the harsh tone in Clarke’s voice. She’d never heard it before. Part of her wanted to just leave, she knew Clarke would be better off without her. The other part of her never wanted to leave. 

 

She turned over to find Clarke sitting up leaning against the headboard; her blue eyes were dark and angry. 

 

“You’re mad.” Lexa said softly as she moved to sit next to her. 

 

“Yes, I am...but not at you.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Can you promise to really listen to what I’m going to say to you? And not shut down and go to that place you go to where you’re not really here?”

 

“I promise I’ll try.”

 

“When you sent that text it was horrible. I won’t lie. Nothing has hurt like that in a long time. I felt physically sick when I read it.”

 

“Clarke...I...”

 

“Shhh. Just listen.”

 

Lexa nodded, tears rolling down her face. 

 

“You were the first person in a long time that had bothered to get to know me as a person. You weren’t just interested in me because you’d heard I was easy to get in bed. So when you sent that text and I thought I was wrong, again, it killed me. 

 

And then at the barn when you said you didn’t want to be seen with me...that was almost worse because it was in person. 

 

And then you showed up at my hotel room, completely devastated about what you’d done when it wasn’t even really you that had done it. You sent the text, but you didn’t mean it. It wasn’t you that said it. You let someone who has controlled you for a long time continue to control you...until you didn’t. You chose me over someone you’ve been terrified of.

 

You haven’t told me the whole story of what went on between you, Nia, and Ontari, but you were so terrified the morning we left for Vegas....you chose me over that level of fear. 

 

So...when I look at you...I don’t see the girl who sent that text. I see the girl who chose me. Who chose me over someone who has been controlling her for a long time. Who chose to uproot her entire life for me without even knowing what my response would be. I see the girl who always wants to be as close to me as possible. Who looks at me sometimes like I’ve hung the stars in the sky. Who tells me I’m amazing. I see one of the few people who wants to know me for me. 

 

So if all you can see when you look at yourself is the girl who was forced to send that text....then this will never work, because I see so much more than that....and I can’t let you see anything less.”

 

Clarke had purposely been not looking at Lexa as she spoke because she knew the other girl would be crying and she wouldn’t have been able to finish her train of thought. 

 

Lexa stared at Clarke with her mouth open, and tears running down her face. She couldn’t think of a single thing to say. 

 

“Did I break you?” Clarke whispered as she reached for Lexa’s hand. 

 

“Maybe...” Lexa managed to choke out through her tears. “Clarke...I don’t even know what to say.” 

 

“Say you’ll forgive yourself.”

 

“I don’t know....if I know how....”

 

“Then say you’ll try. Because I won’t let you constantly beat yourself up over it. I can’t.”

 

“Clarke....”

 

“No Lexa. Whatever line of shit they’ve been feeding you about what a horrible person you are is shit. I won’t let you keep doing that to yourself.”

 

Clarke clenched her hands into fists at her side. She knew she couldn’t change Lexa’s opinion of herself overnight, but she also knew she couldn’t handle the girl constantly tearing herself apart over one mistake. 

 

“Clarke...please don’t be mad at me...”

 

“I’m not mad at you Lexa. I just...want you to stop beating yourself up. Or at least try. I can’t...watch you do this to yourself over something you did to me that wasn’t even you. I know it wasn’t you.”

 

Lexa pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She’d been told for so long that she was so worthless that she was having a hard time hearing what Clarke was saying to her. She didn’t understand why Clarke cared so much. 

 

Clarke ached to reach out and hold Lexa and make her stop crying. She knew she could do it. But she also knew Lexa had to make a choice for herself. 

 

“I’ll try...” Lexa whispered. 

 

“Thank you.” 

 

Clarke reached for her and Lexa collapsed into her arms sobbing. Clarke just held her, running her fingers through her hair and over her arms until her crying finally slowed to a stop. 

 

“Better?” Clarke whispered into Lexa’s hair. 

 

“Yes. Thank you.”

 

“Thank you...for choosing yourself...and us...over all that shit in your head.”

 

“You’re the only thing that has made any sense in so long...maybe you’re right about me.”  

 

Clarke smiled and kissed the top of Lexa’s head. She wanted to have the conversation about what Lexa was going to do for a job and offer her Raven’s position, but she also wanted just a few minutes of peace between the two of them before they had what she was sure was going to be another emotional conversation.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning:
> 
> IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE ANYTHING HEAVY/UGLY/VIOLENT/DEPRESSING/ ANY OTHER BAD ADJECTIVE/ STOP READING NOW.
> 
> Lexa’s baskstory isn’t pretty. The whole story will not be like this but it is important to who she is and how she develops. Consider yourself warned and it is your choice to continue reading.
> 
> I won't say what, because to me that is the same thing as a spoiler but there are things in this chapter that could potentially be triggering.
> 
> And one more thing, some of the comments on the last chapter weren't necessary. If you don't like where I'm going with the story, how I'm handling the characters, or the events, etc - please feel free to stop reading. I enjoy comments if they are supportive. If you don't like the story, that's fine, just go. 
> 
> This is fanfic, that I write in my free time as a hobby for my enjoyment. I do enjoy sharing it, but I'm not looking for critique or to hear what you don't like. This isn't a book that you've paid to read; you are welcome to leave at any point in time.

 

* * *

 

“So...we need to figure out what you’re going to do now that you don’t work for Azgeda anymore.”

 

Clarke said softly, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between them.

 

“Ugh. I know...which is terrifying.”

 

“Maybe it doesn’t have to be.”

 

“No...Nia is going to make it impossible for me to find a job on the circuit. She’ll make sure no one hires me.”

 

“She doesn’t have that kind of control over everyone.”

 

“Maybe not everyone, but damn close.”

 

“Well...she doesn’t have that kind of control over me...”

 

“I’m not letting you find me a job.”

 

“I don’t want to find you a job. I want to hire you.”

 

Lexa pulled back from Clarke’s embrace to stare at her. 

 

“No, Clarke. You don’t need to do that.”

 

“I do actually. This is Raven’s last show with me. I need someone to take her place. You’re a kick ass rider, and we get along pretty well...”

 

Clarke bumped Lexa’s shoulder with hers and winked.

 

“And you need a job. I’ll pay you whatever Nia was paying you, if not more. All your travel and hotel expenses would be paid at shows. I can coach you with your riding if you want, if not that’s fine too.”

 

“Clarke...I can’t...”

 

“You can Lexa. I would want to hire you even if I didn’t like you so much personally.  That has nothing to do with it...okay maybe the thought of you being with me all the time is fairly appealing...there’s no reason for you to say no.”

 

“There are things about me that you don’t know that might change your mind...”

 

“Try me.”

 

Lexa tightened her grip on Clarke’s waist; Clarke could feel her shaking. 

 

“Lexa...Jesus...babe, calm down.”

 

Lexa froze for a second. 

 

“Did you just call me babe?” 

 

“Yea...it just came out...sorry...I just...”

 

“No, don’t be sorry. I like it...”

 

“Trust me enough to talk to me...please.”

 

“I’ve never told anyone before...”

 

“Try?”

 

Lexa took a deep, shaky breath and swallowed hard; she had to tell Clarke. If it changed everything then so be it but she couldn’t keep hiding things. 

 

“I was fourteen when my parents died. We were in the car on the way home from a concert. I had gone with friends but they had snuck alcohol in and were drunk. The girl who was supposed to drive us home was my friend’s older sister and she was more drunk than anyone else. 

 

I called my mom and both her and my dad came to pick me up. I had been sitting outside the venue crying for an hour when they got there. My friends had left me and I was so scared my parents were going to be mad. All they did was tell me how proud they were that I had called. 

 

I fell asleep on the way home and woke up three days later in the hospital. A semi-truck driver had fallen asleep at the wheel and crossed into our lane. He hit us head on. My parents were killed instantly. My head hit the back of the front seat as well as the side window and I was out for a few days. 

 

Nia was there when I woke up and she was so angry at me. She’s my mom’s older sister and they were super close when they were younger. She was completely distraught over my mom’s death and blamed me.”

 

Lexa’s voice cracked and she had to stop talking for a minute. Clarke tightened her arms around Lexa and tried to hold back her own tears. 

 

“I blamed myself too. Had I not gone to that stupid concert they would still be alive. 

 

Nia took me in, but she couldn’t stand to have me around so she sent me to boarding school. I spent summers at her house and they were the worst. All I wanted was for her and Ontari to like me and they just wouldn’t. 

 

I tried to be as perfect as possible, but it was just never enough. I got good grades, I never got in trouble, I never went out with friends or did anything that could possibly end up with me being in any kind of trouble at all. It was exhausting, but they were all I had. 

 

The pressure from Nia to do well in school was overwhelming. I was in honors everything, my GPA was usually close to 5.0, I was close to being valedictorian. All she ever did was talk about how much money my education was costing her. I promised to pay her back someday. 

 

The summer between my junior and senior year things were different when I got home. Ontari was talking to me, inviting me to hang out with her friends, spending time with me at home just hanging out and watching movies. We would go ride together. Looking back, I should have known it was all a lie. 

 

We started going to parties and she would always get drunk. She finally convinced me to drink with her. I never got as drunk as she did, but I drank. I just wanted her to keep liking me. 

 

She started telling me about one of her best guy friends having a crush on me. I let her talk to me about him constantly for a week before telling her I didn’t like guys. She insisted that this guy was perfect for me, asked me how I knew if I’d never been with a guy. Talked about how I just hadn’t found the right one. 

 

I tried ignoring her, we kept going to parties and hanging out and she kept mentioning him in passing. 

 

One weekend Nia was out of town and Ontari had her boyfriend over and we were all pretty drunk. Ontari started talking about how she’d always wondered if she would ever be interested in girls sexually. She wondered what it would feel like to kiss one; said she’d always wanted to try but was afraid and wanted it to be someone she trusted. She asked me to kiss her, so I did.”

 

Lexa felt Clarke tense around her. She looked up expecting a look of disgust but was surprised to find Clarke crying. She reached up and wiped a tear away with her thumb. 

 

“Clarke?”

 

“I can’t...just keep going...”

 

Lexa furrowed her eyebrows and worried about what Clarke was thinking, but she knew if she stopped she would never finish. 

 

“I know it was wrong. I knew it was wrong then; she’s my cousin, but she was so...convincing and she said she trusted me. That was all I’d ever wanted was to be close to her. 

 

I didn’t know her boyfriend recorded the whole thing until the next morning. Ontari showed me the video and said I owed her one for not showing everyone that I was so desperate for someone to want me that I’d make out with my own cousin. 

 

She said she wanted me to give her friend a chance, that maybe I didn’t know I liked guys too, that one night wouldn’t kill me.”

 

“Lexa...please don’t tell me...”

 

“There was a party that night at Nia’s. I told Ontari I would give the guy a chance. He was a complete dick from the second he walked in the door. He was all over me constantly. I figured if I got drunk I wouldn’t mind as much. So, I did. Someone brought weed, so I smoked that too; anything to numb how wrong everything felt. 

 

A few hours into the party I was pretty drunk. I remember making out with him on the couch for a while. His hands were everywhere; up my shirt, down my pants. He finally suggested that we take things upstairs. I told him I wanted a few more shots so he got them for me. 

 

We made out some more and then I followed him to the bedroom upstairs.”

 

Lexa’s voice stuck in her throat and Clarke could feel her shaking again. She wrapped her arms tighter around her. 

 

“Lexa....you don’t have to do this.... I’m sorry....when I asked I had no idea....I would never....”

 

“It’s okay Clarke...you need to know...”

 

“No, I don’t. I didn’t mean to push you...”

 

“I want you to know.”

 

Clarke nodded and pulled Lexa over until she was sitting between Clarke’s legs, her back pressed against Clarke’s chest. Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa and rested her chin on Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa sighed and leaned in to Clarke’s embrace before continuing. 

 

“We ended up on the bed making out and the next thing I know the only clothes I have on are my underwear. His mouth is everywhere and it was so overwhelming and he...his hand was...there and it felt so wrong. I just wanted him to stop. I told him that and I pushed him away and he...said to give it a chance. That I didn’t know what I was missing. Reminded me that I also didn’t need everyone knowing that I made out with my cousin. 

 

So I just shut down and... he....when he was done he called me a whore...told me it was about time I learned to give men what they wanted. 

 

I turned on my side and just passed out. I was so drunk and high and I’m pretty sure he put something in one of the last shots he gave me because when I woke up some other guy was...on top of me and... he was.... I freaked out and pushed him off of me and started screaming. Ontari came in the room laughing. Told me to shut up, that I hadn’t cared about the others...I don’t even remember.... I’d didn’t...

 

I got up and pulled clothes on and ran out of the house. I could barely tell where I was going. I stumbled a lot. I fell down the stairs. Ontari kept following me telling me not to be a killjoy, that it wasn’t that big of a deal, it was just sex...”

 

“Lexa...they raped you. It wasn’t sex....”

 

“I....led him on. I just let him...”

 

“No. No no no. You told him to stop. Anything after that was non-consensual, which is rape.”

 

“I just let him though, I didn’t do anything to stop him. I didn’t fight, I didn’t scream...”

 

“You told him to stop. And the others you don’t even remember...that’s rape Lexa. God...I’m so sorry....”

 

Lexa’s whole body was shaking and she found it hard to catch her breath. Clarke was the first person to acknowledge what had happened for what it was. Ontari and Nia had just told Lexa she had been asking for it and that she should just get over it; that it was just stupid, drunk teenagers having sex. 

 

“Shhh...babe, breathe...I’m right here, you’re fine.”

 

Lexa heard the tears in Clarke’s voice and turned her head to look at her. 

 

“D-don’t cry...”

 

“Don’t worry about me. You’re shaking so hard...”

 

“I’m okay...don’t cry.... I don’t like it when you cry...”

 

“Well I don’t like it when you cry either, or when your whole body is shaking...so I guess we’re even...”

 

Clarke pulled Lexa closer and tucked her face into the side of her neck. She pressed a soft kiss onto the skin of Lexa’s jawline and felt the girl relax against her; the shaking subsiding some. 

 

“I got downstairs and everyone started cheering and whistling. Ontari has told them I was pretty much running a whorehouse upstairs or something. I was horrified and I just wanted out. Everyone was calling me a whore and a freak and people were yelling about me kissing my cousin and I finally stumbled outside and towards one of the cars. Ontari followed me outside laughing. 

 

I remember asking her why and she just shrugged. I told her I’d trusted her, thought she was my friend. She laughed and said no one would ever want to be friends with me. 

 

I got in the car and just left. I had no idea where I was going, I just wanted away. I shouldn’t have driven, I was so fucked up, but I wasn’t thinking of that I just wanted away. 

 

I blacked out at the wheel for a second and when I came to I was headed straight at another car. I jerked the wheel hard and lost control. I rolled my car four times. I don’t remember anything until I woke up in the hospital. 

 

I tested positive for drugs and alcohol, of course. Ontari told Nia I had been spiraling out of control all summer and she had been trying to stop me. They took my license and sent me to a rehab facility. It started for the drugs and drinking but I ended up being there for six months because I was suicidal...”

 

“My god Lexa...”

 

“I just...I was so done. All I’d wanted since my parents died was someone to care about me. I thought Ontari was starting to but really, she was just using me in some sick game. That was the last straw, I just wanted to die.

 

Once I got out I went back to school, but I wasn’t in to it like I had been. My grades were half assed. I wasn’t valedictorian. Nia insisted I got to college so I did for two years but I was barely passing and just didn’t care. She finally pulled me out and just had me work at the house. She said it was to pay her back for my education. 

 

So I worked at the house doing whatever. She had me start riding the horses sometimes and when she realized I was a decent rider that became my most important job. 

 

It was just recently that she made me start coming to shows to help Ontari because no one else would stay and I couldn’t leave...”

 

“Except you did.” 

 

“Yea....I guess I did, didn’t I?”

 

Clarke smiled at the tone in Lexa’s voice as she realized what she’d walked away from. 

 

“Yes, you did. And I’m so...in awe of you.”

 

Lexa swallowed hard and turned to look at Clarke. 

 

“In awe?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Why....”

 

“Lexa....everything you’ve been through....it would have broken a lot of people.... but you’re still this amazing, caring, sweet person...and brave enough to walk away-“

 

Lexa cut her off by pressing a searing kiss to her lips. She turned so she was straddling Clarke’s lap and wrapped her hands in Clarke’s hair as she kissed her; it was all tongue and scraping teeth as Clarke’s hands moved to Lexa’s hips, pulling her closer, her nails digging into her skin. Clarke moaned as Lexa took her bottom lip between her teeth and pulled as she pulled back from the kiss, breathless. 

 

“Holy shit...” Clarke whispered as Lexa rested their foreheads together. 

 

“Sorry, I got carried away I guess...”

 

“Please, get carried away whenever you want.”

 

Lexa chuckled and sat back, her butt resting on Clarke’s thighs. 

 

“So...you still want to hire me?”

 

“Of course I do. Why on earth wouldn’t I?”

 

“Because....I was such a mess...”

 

“Lexa...I won’t say it wasn’t your fault because some of it was your choices.... but at the core of it you just wanted someone to love you. And you trusted someone you thought did.”

 

“Nia just always said if anyone found out about the drinking, drugs, sex and rehab that they’d never want to hire me with that kind of reputation...”

 

“The drinking, drugs, rape, and rehab you mean? None of that changes my mind Lexa. I do want to kill Ontari and Nia more than I did before...but you? If anything, I’m more amazed by you. So....are you going to take me up on my offer?”

 

Lexa chewed on her bottom lip; she couldn’t believe that a week ago she had been completely miserable just going through the motions of life and now she was sitting on Clarke Griffin’s lap being offered an opportunity that could change her life completely. 

 

“Yes, I would be incredibly stupid not to.”

 

“I want you to want to take the job, not be doing it because it’s stupid not to.”

 

“Of course I want to...I wanted to the second you offered...Clarke...I’ve never wanted to say yes to anything more in my life...I just...you had to know first. I didn’t want you finding any of that out from anyone other than me and regretting hiring me. So...yes. I want to work for you.”

 

“Thank you...for sharing all of that with me...I can’t even imagine how hard that was...”

 

“It was terrifying. Nia and Ontari had me so convinced that no one would ever want anything to do with me if they knew...so thank you, for proving them wrong.”

 

Clarke wrapped her hand in the front of Lexa’s shirt and pulled her forward. Lexa went willingly into her arms and sighed as Clarke rested her chin on top of her head. 

 

“You just kind of fit there, don’t you?” 

 

Clarke smiled as Lexa pressed her face into her neck the way she always did if she was close enough. 

 

“Mhmm.” Lexa made the sound in the back of her throat and gently kissed Clarke’s neck. 

 

“Will you come to the hotel with me to get my stuff from Nia’s room? I...I’m kinda scared to go alone.”

 

“You’d have to chain me to the bed to stop me. If you think I’m letting you anywhere near them alone you’ve lost your mind.”

 

Lexa smiled at the protective tone in Clarke’s voice and the fact that she subconsciously held her tighter as she spoke. 

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Of course. And...just so you know...this, us, won’t affect your job. If things go wrong between us, you’re not going to lose your job. If you want to stay you can and if you don’t I will help you find somewhere else to go. I swear I won’t just kick you out. If you want it in a contact I can put it in writing and-“

 

“I trust you, Clarke.” 

 

Lexa felt Clarke nod and things drifted into a comfortable silence. Clarke idly ran her hand up and down Lexa’s back, lost in thought about how much her life had changed since Lexa walked in to it. 

 

“We should head to Nia’s room so we can get to the barn and feed.” 

 

Lexa said quietly, not wanting to interrupt the moment but knowing they had to get going. Clarke groaned moved her hands to Lexa’s hips. 

 

“Can’t we just stay here?”

 

“I mean we could, but...reality will still be there.”

 

“I know. Might as well get shit with Nia over with anyhow, then you don’t have to deal with her anymore.” 

 

Lexa sat up and placed a quick peck on Clarke’s lips before moving off of her lap and standing up. She checked her phone and cringed at all of the missed calls and texts from Nia; she was not looking forward to getting her things from the hotel room. 

 

“Has she been calling you?”

 

“Oh yes, this is going to be ugly.”

 

“I’ll kill her if she so much as looks at you wrong...”

 

“She’s not worth it Clarke.”

 

“Oh, it would be worth it for me.” Clarke said through gritted teeth as she stood up. 

 

“You’re sweet when you’re protective...a little terrifying, but sweet.” 

 

“Let’s get showered and get this over with so we can come back to the room, order room service and cuddle while watching Netflix.”

 

“Clarke Griffin is a cuddler?” Lexa teased. 

 

“Only with you spider monkey.”

 

Lexa blushed and headed to the bathroom to shower. 

 

_________________________________________________________________

 

They stood outside of Nia’s hotel room and Lexa had a death grip on Clarke’s hand. 

 

“I can’t.”

 

“You can. We’re going in, getting your stuff, and leaving. You don’t owe her an explanation. She doesn’t get to control you anymore. I’ll be right there.”

 

Lexa nodded and swiped the key in the door. She was partially surprised at the fact that it still opened; she figured Nia would have her taken off of the room and get the keys changed. 

 

She swung the door opened and breathed a sigh of relief when she was met by silence. 

 

“They aren’t here.”

 

“Good, go get your stuff and let’s go.”

 

Clarke walked with Lexa as she moved into the bedroom and started shoving a few things into her suitcase. It didn’t take her long to get everything and they were headed back out when they heard the click of the door unlocking. 

 

“Fuck.” Lexa muttered. 

 

“You’re fine.” 

 

Nia walked into the room, her blue grey eyes hard and cold as she saw Lexa and then Clarke. She crossed the room in a few steps and had Lexa’s wrist in her hand before Lexa even realized what was happening. 

 

“You ungrateful little slut!” Her voice was low and full of hate as she raised her hand. Lexa flinched and braced herself, then all of a sudden Clarke was in front of her, wedged between her and Nia. 

 

“Don’t you dare fucking touch her.” Clarke practically growled and stepped forward into Nia’s space. Nia slowly let go of Lexa’s wrist and glared at Clarke.

 

“We’re here to get her things and leave. You’ll never have to deal with us again outside of the show ring.”

 

“Well isn’t that sweet, the whores are protecting each other. Tell me something, who pays who for the sex? Do you alternate? Or how does it work?”

 

“None of that bothers me Nia and you know it.” Clarke smirked.

 

“You think she’s special Clarke? How long do you think she’s going to stay with you?”

 

“I don’t think she’s special, I know she is. And she’ll stay with me as long as she wants. If it’s just one day and it gets her away from you, it’s worth it.”

 

“You’re making a mistake Clarke. I will make sure everyone knows exactly who she is and your reputation will become even worse. She’s not worth it.”

 

“I’ll be the judge of who is worth it, and the only reputation I care about is the one in the show ring, and you can’t touch that one. We’re leaving Nia, and you’re going to let us. Any issues you have with me, bring them to the show ring and may the best rider win.”

 

Nia held Clarke’s stare for a while before stepping out of her way. Clarke reached back for Lexa’s hand and they left the room without a backwards glance. Lexa waited until they were in the elevator before wrapping herself around Clarke. 

 

“Thank you.” 

 

She whispered against Clarke’s neck before realizing that Clarke was shaking. 

 

“Hey...what’s wrong...”

 

“She was going to hit you...”

 

“But she didn’t, you stopped her.”

 

“But she was going to hit you, like she has the right to even touch you with everything they’ve done to you. Who the fuck does she think sh-“

 

Lexa silenced her by pushing her back against the elevator wall and kissing her. Clarke moaned into the kiss as Lexa tongue slipped into her mouth. 

 

“You’re really hot when you’re protective.” Lexa groaned as she moved from kissing Clarke’s lips to kissing her neck.

 

“Oh I am huh?” 

 

“Mhmm.” 

 

Clarke slid her hands down Lexa’s back and over her ass, grabbing the back of her thighs and picking her up. Lexa squeaked in surprise and wrapped her legs around Clarke’s waist as Clarke turned them around so Lexa’s back was against the elevator wall. 

 

“Well you’re just hot.” She smirked and kissed Lexa’s neck, biting on her pulse point and then sucking on the skin hard enough to make it burn. 

 

“Oh my god Clarke put me down before the doors open...and that’s going to leave a mark...”

 

“Hm, don’t care, about either.” 

 

Clarke mumbled as she kissed Lexa. Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke’s neck and kissed her back until she felt the elevator slowing to a stop and the ding sounded that meant they were stopping at a floor. 

 

“Clarke...”

 

“Hmm?” Clarke hummed into the skin by her earlobe.

 

“Put me down, people are going to be getting in and this is...”

 

“Really hot?”

 

“Yes, god yes, but also inappropriate.”

 

“Hmm, you have to relax the death grip you’ve got going on with your thighs for me to put you down Lexa.”

 

Lexa blushed and relaxed her hold on Clarke’s waist as Clarke let her go. Clarke kissed her forehead softly as the elevator doors slid open. Lexa giggled and took Clarke’s hand as they stepped off the elevator. 

 

“What’s so funny?” Clarke asked with a smirk. 

 

“You. You can be so soft and sweet, but then you also pin me to the elevator wall and take my damn breath away.”

 

“What can I say, I’m full of surprises.”

 

“I’ve noticed.”

 

“Too much in the elevator?”

 

“No....that was....fine. Definitely fine.” Lexa blushed.

 

“Good. I’ll have to pin you to the wall more often then.” Clarke winked and Lexa playfully slapped her arm. 

 

They dropped Lexa’s stuff off in Clarke’s hotel room and headed down to the barn. To their surprise, Raven was still there. She hugged Clarke in greeting then walked up to Lexa. 

 

“We need to talk.” 

 

“Okay.”

 

Raven tilted her head towards the tack room and Lexa apprehensively followed her inside. 

 

“So, are you my new replacement?”

 

“No one can replace you Raven, but I took the job offer, yes.”

 

“Is that all it is to you? A job offer?”

 

“No. Clarke has...completely changed my life.”

 

“You’ve known her a little longer than a week, and already managed to hurt her.”

 

“I know. And I’ll probably never really be able to forgive myself for that...but she has. And she’s asked me to try, so I will.”

 

“Should I?”

 

“I don’t feel like I have the right to ask for anyone’s forgiveness, so that is up to you.”

 

“Clarke said it wasn’t you.... that the text didn’t really come from you.”

 

“It didn’t. I never thought that way about Clarke.”

 

“Enlighten me then. Why should I believe you that you aren’t going to hurt her like that again? Clarke said she would tell me what happened, but I want to hear it from you.”

 

Lexa nodded and summarized the whole story of what had happened with Nia, her apology to Clarke and her quitting Azgeda. When she finished Raven was quiet for a while before looking at her and slowly smiling. 

 

“That took guts, quitting like that. You had no idea if Clarke would forgive you.”

 

“I didn’t care. I didn’t expect her to. I just had to make it right and that was the only way I knew how to try to prove that I was telling the truth.”

 

“I’m sorry about your face.” 

 

“Don’t be. You had every right to hit me. I deserved it.” 

 

“Take care of her when I’m gone?” Raven’s voice cracked a little. Lexa nodded. 

 

“I’m going to miss shows. I’ll miss being around her all the time. Don’t let her be too hard on herself. She is if she has a bad ride. And make sure she eats, and drinks. She doesn’t always if it’s super busy. She forgets or loses her gloves a lot. Carry an extra pair in your pocket. Try not to let her get stuck in her own head too often.... good lord I sound like I’m dying.” 

 

“You’re a good friend Raven. I’ll try to live up to your expectations.” 

 

“You make her happy Lexa.”

 

“She makes me happy too.”

 

Raven nodded, then met Lexa’s eyes and smiled before pulling her into a hug. Lexa was surprised but hugged her back. Clarke walked in the room as they let go of each other and smiled. 

 

“You guys good?”

 

“Yep. I mean, she’ll never be me, but I suppose she’ll do. At least she’s easy to look at...I mean...aside from her eye.”

 

Lexa laughed. She was relieved that Raven wasn’t upset with her anymore. 

 

“I fed while you guys were...talking. So we’re done here for the night. Let’s go over the day tomorrow and we can be done.”

 

They all sat down on tack trunks and talked about the work and show schedule for the following day. 

 

“I’ll ride Arizona, since I’m showing her first. Lexa you can work Helios since he’s not showing tomorrow; it will be a good day for you to get to know him. Raven can ride Journey. He goes later in the day, after Arizona. And then after everyone is done we have an appointment with Monty at GreenBriar to look at that black mare. We can start early and get everyone done. Lexa, Raven and I can coach you on Helios while we ride. I doubt you’ll need much coaching but he can be a special snowflake sometimes.” 

 

Lexa just stared with her mouth open. 

 

“You okay?” Clarke asked when she noticed. 

 

“Yea...I....you’re going to let me ride Helios?”

 

“Yes. You’ll ride all of my horses at some point. Is that okay?”

 

“Of course...I just...wasn’t expecting it.”

 

“My barn is a team. None of my horses are too good for you. You’ll be part of most decisions that are made. You’re my assistant now. Groom. Whatever you want to call it. You’re part of this whole process.” 

 

“Well that’s not what I’m used to at all.”

 

“Get used to it.” Clarke winked. 

 

“Oh, I’m looking forward to it.”

 

“Alright, that’s it then. Everyone is good for the night. Early start tomorrow, let’s be here at four so everyone can work and rest before showing.”

 

“Alright; I’m out. I’m meeting Luna for dinner. See you guys in the morning.”

 

Raven hugged them both goodbye and Clarke noticed the tears in Lexa’s eyes as she left. 

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“It’s just...nice to be treated like I belong.”

 

“Even after Raven interrogated you earlier?”

 

“Especially after that. She had a right to though, I didn’t mind.”

 

“She can be over protective at times.”

 

“No, I hadn’t noticed” Lexa rolled her eyes and then laughed at the confused look on Clarke’s face. 

 

“My face Clarke. She hit me in the face.”

 

“Right. I’d forgotten about that. It’s been a long day.”

 

“Well at least I know you don’t just like me for my looks, because it’s a pretty impressive bruise to forget about.”

 

“Come on you smart ass, let’s go back to the room. Unless you want to go somewhere else?” 

 

“No, that whole Netflix and cuddling thing sounds perfect actually.”

 

They locked up the tack room, checked on the horses one last time and headed back to the room. They ordered room service and ate dinner before crawling into bed. Lexa was surprised when Clarke curled into her side, rested her head on her shoulder, draped her arm across her waist and her knee across Lexa’s thigh. It was usually the other way around, but the fact that Clarke wanted to be so close made Lexa’s heart skip a beat. 

 

“What do you want to watch?” Lexa asked as she flipped through selections on Netflix. 

 

“Hm, don’t care. You pick.” 

 

“What are you in the mood for?” 

 

“This.” Clarke kissed her neck and snuggled closer into her side. “You.” 

 

“That was super cheesy Clarke.”

 

“Maybe, but it’s the truth.”

 

Lexa sighed; dammit if the girl didn’t know how to melt her heart. Lexa shifted so she could wrap one arm around Clarke and run her fingers through her hair as she flipped through Netflix with the other hand. Within a few minutes she felt Clarke drift off to sleep. 

 

She gave up on finding something on Netflix that she knew she wouldn’t watch anyways. She flipped the tv to the weather channel just for background noise and light and was asleep within a few minutes, her fingers loosely tangled in Clarke’s hair. 

 

______________________________________________________________

 

The alarm blared at three fifteen and Clarke groaned as she reached for her phone and smacked at the screen until it turned off. She rolled over and blindly reached for Lexa but her side of the bed was empty. 

 

She sat up against the headboard and looked around the room. 

 

“Lexa?” 

 

There was no response and Clarke started to panic when she heard the click of the door opening. Lexa came walking in with coffee and donuts. She sat them on the table in the middle of the room and smiled as she walked over to the bed and leaned down to kiss Clarke. 

 

“Morning.” 

 

“Good Morning.”

 

“What’s the matter, you look upset...”

 

“Nothing...I just...you were gone and I...”

 

“I text you and told you I went to get donuts. I woke up early and was craving them for some reason. I have no idea what you and Raven like so I just got a dozen.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Clarke...hey...what’s going on?”

 

Clarke shook her head. Lexa cocked her head and put one knee on the bed and swung her other leg over Clarke and settled herself on Clarke’s lap facing her. 

 

“Talk to me.”

 

“It’s stupid.”

 

“Try me.”

 

“When I woke up and you were gone I thought you’d left...”

 

“I did...oh...like left for good?”

 

“Yea...”

 

Clarke’s answer was barely audible and she looked away from Lexa as she answered. 

 

“Where would I go?” Lexa teased but immediately regretted it when she saw the hurt in Clarke’s eyes when she looked at her. 

 

“Away. From me.”

 

“Clarke...no. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it would upset you or I never would have left. I text you but I won’t do it again.” 

 

“It’s not your fault...I just freaked out when you were gone...I don’t know why...I mean I know why but...it’s stupid. I’m sorry.”

 

“We’re just a mess aren’t we?” Lexa whispered as she tucked a piece of Clarke’s hair behind her ear. Clarke laughed quietly and Lexa smiled. 

 

“There’s your smile, much better. Next time I’ll wake you up. I really am sorry.”

 

“I know you are, it’s fine. I’ll try not to be so crazy.”

 

She pulled gently on the front of Lexa’s shirt and Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke’s neck as they kissed. It was lazy and slow and Clarke smiled as she pulled back. 

 

“You taste like donuts.” 

 

“Mhmm, I ate a few donut holes on the way back here.” 

 

Clarke kissed her again. 

 

“I like it.” 

 

“You could eat a donut like a normal person.”

 

“This is more fun though.”

 

Clarke put her hand behind Lexa’s neck and kissed her again but Lexa couldn’t stop laughing. 

 

“Clarke...oh my god just eat a damn donut you weirdo.”

 

“But then I’d have to get up.”

 

“I’ll get you one.”

 

“But then you’d have to get up.”

 

“Yes. But we both have to get up and get to the barn anyhow. And you should eat something. And no, kissing me does not count because I taste like donut.”

 

“Well you’re no fun.” Clarke pouted. 

 

Lexa leaned forward and kissed Clarke briefly on the lips before moving on to her neck while sliding her hands under her shirt and running her nails lightly up her sides. Clark groaned as her body arched closer to Lexa. 

 

“I can be fun, but I have to work. I’ve heard my new boss is a real control freak.” Lexa whispered as she kissed up Clarke’s neck to her ear. 

 

“Hmm...she sounds like a real bitch.” Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa’s waist and pulled her closer. 

 

“I like her anyhow.” 

 

Lexa smiled and leaned in to Clarke’s embrace. Clarke lazily kissed the side of her neck. 

 

“Alright, I guess I’ll get up and eat an actual donut. I still think my way is more fun.”

 

“I never disagreed with you. But we need to get going. And you need to eat.”

 

“You’re the one still sitting on my lap.”

 

Lexa blushed and stood up off of the bed. Clarke grabbed a donut out of the box and started eating it as she walked into the bathroom to change. 

 

Lexa sat down on the couch and popped a few more donut holes in her mouth before looking at her phone to check the time. She sighed when she saw more texts from Ontari; she’d been texting her almost nonstop throughout the night. 

 

 **Ontari** : I know you’re not going to answer me, but I also know you read this. I don’t know why you think Clarke Griffin is going to keep you around. She’ll get you in bed and then move on to the next person the way she always does. You’re not special Lexa. Why would anyone ever want you? Especially someone like Clarke. She’s fucked Bellamy Blake for God’s sakes, why would she want you; the pathetic loser who makes out with her cousin. Do you kiss her like you kissed me? 

 

Lexa squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath, trying to fight back all of the negative emotions that were threatening to overwhelm her. 

 

“Hey, what’s the matter?”

 

Clarke asked softly. Lexa opened her eyes and Clarke was standing on the other side of the table that was in front of the couch looking concerned. 

 

“Nothing. I mean...nothing important anyhow. Ontari’s been texting me.”

 

“Saying what?”

 

Lexa sighed and just handed Clarke her phone and watched as her expression changed from annoyed to outraged as she read all of the texts. Lexa’s phone dinged as she was reading. 

 

“This bitch. She sent a picture of you and her kissing.”

 

“Clarke...please don’t...”

 

“Jesus Christ Lexa, she’s all over you.”

 

The picture showed Lexa sitting on a couch with Ontari straddling her lap. Ontari had one hand up Lexa’s shirt, cupping her breast and the other just starting to slip into the waist band of her shorts. 

 

“Yea...”

 

Lexa put her elbows on her knees rested her head on her hands as she stared at the floor. 

 

“Her hand is practically in your pants...did she...”

 

“No. She tried to take things farther than kissing but I... couldn’t. I didn’t want to. The sick part is, part of me almost let her...god what is wrong with me.” 

 

Clarke moved around the couch and got on her knees in front of Lexa. 

 

“No. Don’t you dare. This is what she wants. Nothing is wrong with you. You were manipulated by someone who should have loved and supported you. Don’t let her do this to you.”

 

Lexa looked at Clarke as a few tears rolled down her face. Clarke reached out and brushed them off her cheek. 

 

“We’ll go get your number changed after the show today, Okay?”

 

The corners of Lexa’s mouth turned up slightly as she nodded in agreement. 

 

“And you can come walk Journey and I out of the ring after I kick her ass in our class today.” 

 

“It’s Raven’s last show...”

 

“She won’t mind at all. She’ll probably enjoy the look on Ontari’s face almost as much as I will.” 

 

Lexa smiled and leaned forward to kiss Clarke. 

 

“Thank you.” 

 

“You’re welcome, let’s get going, we’ve got horses to ride.”

 

Lexa reached out and ran her finger over the collar of the purple polo shirt Clarke was wearing. 

 

“I’ve always loved your barn colors.”

 

Arkadia’s colors were dark purple, sky blue and silver. Their logo was an infinity sign inside of a broken tribal looking circle design. Clarke’s polo was dark purple, the logo was embroidered on the back in sky blue, and just the infinity sign was on the front left in silver with her name beneath it. 

 

“Thanks. Most barns are only two colors but I couldn’t pick only two.  You ready?”

 

Clarke stood up and held out her hand. Lexa smiled as she took it and nodded. They walked towards the elevator hand in hand. 

 


	7. Chapter 7

Mild Violence Trigger Warning: I feel like I'm over doing it with these but so many people are so easily offended, so here you are. This chapter is mostly fluffy but it has a moment. 

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke waved at the security guards as they pulled into the barn area at the show. They got out of the car and headed towards the barn. Clarke reached for Lexa’s hand when they walked and looked up in confusion when Lexa moved away. 

 

“Are you sure you want people to see? Ontari is going to start talking shit and I’m sure that video of her and I kissing will somehow end up all over social media and if you don’t w-“

 

Clarke silenced her by grabbing her wrist, pulling her close and kissing her.

 

“Clarke...people are going to think you hired me just because we a-“

 

Clarke silenced her with another kiss. 

 

“Clarke....”

 

Clarke raised one eyebrow at her and Lexa laughed. 

 

“Are you done?” She asked playfully.

 

“I have a feeling even if I wasn’t you’d kiss me to shut me up until I was.”

 

“That’s the idea, yes.”

 

“I just...don’t want people talking shit about you because of me.”

 

“Lexa, people talk about me all the time. It doesn’t bother me. If you don’t care if people know about us, then I sure as hell don’t.”

 

“I don’t care, let them talk.”

 

“Good, because I’m pretty sure anyone who sees that hickey on your neck is going to talk anyhow.” 

 

Clarke grinned as she softly kissed the mark on Lexa’s neck. Lexa blushed light pink as the ran her fingers over the spot. 

 

“You could have covered it with makeup you know. I have some in my tack trunk but I’m not sure it will match your skin tone.”

 

“Maybe I don’t want to cover it up.”

 

Lexa smiled as she took Clarke’s hand and tugged her towards Arkadia’s barn section. 

 

“Good Morning you two.” 

 

Raven called as they walked up to the tack room. She raised an eyebrow at the fact they were holding hands and then saw the mark on Lexa’s neck. 

 

“Damn Clarke, were you trying to draw blood? Must have been a good night last night.”

 

“Oh, that was in the elevator.” Lexa quipped as she walked into the tack room to set down the box of donuts. 

 

“Raven, shut up about it.” Clarke grumbled. 

 

“Hey, you’re the one who left a damn brand on the side of her neck.”

 

“I don’t mind.” Lexa replied coyly as she walked up behind Clarke and wrapped her arms around her neck. Raven rolled her eyes. 

 

“Maybe I’m glad I’m leaving; you guys are gross. Let’s get to work if you two can let go of each other long enough to ride.”

 

“I think we can manage. Lexa come here though.”

 

Lexa followed Clarke in to the tack room and waited while she got something out of her tack trunk. 

 

“I’m glad you like the barn colors.” She said with a smile as she handed Lexa a purple polo shirt identical to the ones her and Raven were already wearing. 

 

Lexa unfolded it and was shocked that her name was embroidered on the front. She ran her fingers over it as tears welled up in her eyes. Raven smiled as she grabbed a grooming box and went to go get Journey out of his stall. 

 

“Clarke...I don’t even know what to say.”

 

“Thank you would work just fine.”

 

“Thank you doesn’t quite express how I’m feeling right now...”

 

“It’s just a shirt Lexa.”

 

“No, it’s not.”

 

Lexa stepped closer and kissed Clarke, one hand coming up and weaving into the hair at the base of her neck, the other resting on her hip, squeezing lightly. Lexa poured everything she was feeling into the kiss and hoped Clarke could feel what she couldn’t find the words to say. 

 

Clarke moaned softly and her hands found their way to Lexa’s waist. She pulled her closer for a second, then gently pushed her back. 

 

“We have to get to work.” Clarke whispered. 

 

“I know. Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome. I’ll close the door so you can change.”

 

Lexa smirked and slowly pulled her shirt off over her head revealing a black sports bra and nicely toned abs. Clarke bit her bottom lip to keep her mouth from falling open. 

 

“God damn you’re gorgeous.” 

 

Clarke mumbled as she stared at Lexa. Lexa smiled shyly and pulled the polo shirt on over her head. 

 

“Not going to lie, I like my barn shirt on you.”

 

“Yea, me too. Thank you, Clarke. For everything.”

 

Clarke showed her where Helios’s tack was and went to go tack up Arizona, leaving Lexa to get Helios ready. 

 

She hummed softly to the big bay as she brushed him and tacked him up. She couldn’t believe she was actually going to ride one of the top US riders’ top horses. She was well aware of the fact that Clarke was headed towards being on the next Olympic team and she couldn’t believe she was being allowed to ride one of the horses that would probably take her there. She scratched his neck after she tightened the throat latch on his bridle. 

 

“Alright big guy, here goes nothing. I’ll try to ride you the way you deserve to be ridden, but I’m not Clarke so go easy on me?” Helios huffed and nudged at her with his nose, tired of standing around. 

 

Lexa took his reins and walked him out of his stall. Clarke and Raven were already mounted on Arizona and Journey. 

 

“Wait....you got his bridle on?” Raven called, sounding dumbfounded.

 

“Yes? Is it the wrong one or something?”

 

“I told you he’d like her.” Clarke laughed

 

“Helios you are an asshole!” 

 

Lexa looked at the big gelding in confusion. He’d been well behaved the whole time she’d been with him.

 

“Helios can be an asshole to bridle. He tends to test people. It took Raven thirty minutes and a step stool the first time.”

 

“Oh....he was a perfect gentleman for me.”

 

“Of course he was. Mount up, let’s see how he goes for you.” Raven teased. 

 

Lexa piled her hair on top of her head and put her helmet on before leading Helios to the mounting block and swinging herself into the saddle. She settled gently onto his back and then adjusted the lengths of her irons before picking up the reins. 

 

She smiled as her, Clarke and Raven walked out to the warmup arenas. Helios’s walk was smooth and had a lot of swing. Lexa stretched her heels down and rolled her shoulders to relax some of her muscles. 

 

“He warms up at the walk for ten minutes each direction. Depending on his mood after that, you can canter or trot five and five. If he’s full of himself, just let him canter, if he’s listening and content to trot, let him trot. He tests people, so he might be a jerk and try to drag the reins through your hands. Don’t let him. It’s okay to be firm, just don’t yank. He’s picky about his rider’s hands.” 

 

Lexa nodded as Clarke gave her instructions. 

 

“He doesn’t spook at much usually. He doesn’t buck often, but when he does it’s like a bronc buck with little or no warning. If you’re not jumping, he prefers something closer to a dressage seat rather than jumper, so stay back off his shoulders. You shouldn’t have any trouble with him; your equitation is stunning.”

 

“Thanks.” Lexa practically beamed at the praise.

 

“That’s about it. Raven and I will call out to you if we need to but let’s get warmed up and then we can jump around some.”

 

Lexa nodded and rode along the rail at the walk to start her warmup. She either hummed softly or would quietly talk to Helios as he walked. His ears flicked back occasionally to listen to her and it made her smile. 

 

After she was done with his walk warm up she shortened her reins and asked for the trot. Helios swirled his head as he stepped into a jerky, animated trot. Lexa laughed as he shifted his hind end around so he was skittering sideways. 

 

“Hey now, settle down.”

 

Lexa chided and used her inside leg and outside rein to straighten him out. He listened, but she could feel that he wanted to explode. She shortened her reins and asked for the canter, which he exploded in to. 

 

“None of that, easy.” 

 

She sat deeper in the saddle, slowing him down and asking for trot. He flicked his ears back towards her as he trotted. She made sure he was round and under control before asking for canter again. This time the transition was smooth and he stepped into the next gait rather than exploded. She ran her hand down his neck. 

 

“Much better, good boy.”

 

“Beautiful correction!” Clarke called as she rode by the opposite way on Arizona. Lexa smiled at the praise. She wasn’t used to it and it was a nice feeling. 

 

“Show off.” Raven muttered with a smile as she rode past her on Journey. Lexa laughed but it also brought tears to her eyes. She felt like she belonged more at Clarke’s barn in a matter of a few hours than she had in all the years she’d lived with Nia and Ontari. 

 

Helios settled into a rhythmic canter and Lexa relaxed slightly; his gait was smooth and easy to ride and five minutes seemed more like five seconds. She looked up to make sure no one was in her way and pointed him across the diagonal in the middle of the area to switch directions. Around the half way mark she asked for a flying lead change, which he gave her without breaking stride. She pet his neck again and smiled. 

 

She completed his five minute warm up the other way then rode to the middle of the arena where Clarke and Raven already were waiting. She lengthened her reins and let Helios stretch his neck. 

 

“Good boy.” She cooed as she scratched his withers. She looked up to see Clarke smiling at her. 

 

“You look amazing on him.”

 

“Thank you, he’s so much fun to ride. His canter is amazing.”

 

“He is a very comfortable ride. I’m going to have to jump that little vertical in the middle a few times just to get the feel of jumping him, then we’ll move you to the bigger fences. He can be a handful when you point him at a fence, so be prepared to hang on to him. He likes contact until the last second then you need to let him do his thing. He also prefers you to stay back, so sometimes you’ll have to catch up in the air. You ready?”

 

“Yea, I think so.”

 

“You’ll do fine. Don’t worry about distance, he’ll find it, just get the feel of him.”

 

Lexa nodded and circled Helios towards the jump and asked for the canter. 

 

“I’m going to try to not look stupid in front of your mom, if you could help that would be great.”

 

She spoke to him softly as she shortened her reins and turned him towards the fence. His ears pricked forward and she felt a surge of speed. She pulled straight back on one rein briefly to slow him down. He listened, but tossed his head.

 

She wasn’t prepared for how big his jump was and had to grab his mane to keep from hitting him in the mouth on the landing. She lost her balance a little and he kicked out when she came down on his back too hard. 

 

“Shit, sorry boy.” 

 

“Not bad! Again.” Clarke called from the middle of the arena. 

 

Lexa circled back towards the jump and was better prepared this time. She kept her reins shorter and held on to him more before the fence then let him have his head as they jumped. 

 

“Beautiful! That was perfect Lexa! One more time, and take the oxer to the right after the vertical.” 

 

She circled around and jumped the vertical, looking right in the air to the next fence. She took back a little on her right rein and was surprised at how tightly Helios turned. He flipped his nose forward and pulled the reins through her fingers some. 

 

“Knock it off.”

 

She gritted her teeth as she shortened her reins again but it was only a few strides until the fence and he was going too fast. Lexa checked him hard with one rein and kept herself back in the saddle, still urging him forward. He slowed, then launched himself in the air. She rose up off his back and slid her hands forward to give him room to do his thing. She smiled and patted his shoulder when he landed without a fuss. 

 

“Nice correction! Again, and take the triple after the oxer.” 

 

Lexa turned back towards the first fence. They jumped the vertical and the oxer easily and she looked left towards the triple combination and her heart skipped a beat; they were Grand Prix height. 

 

“Don’t over think it, just ride!” Clarke encouraged when she saw Lexa face as she turned Helios towards the bigger fences. 

 

“Think she’ll be okay?” Raven asked. 

 

“She should, she’s talented enough to ride it but she might get in her own way.”

 

“You would start her over a triple.”

 

“Less time to think.”

 

Lexa took a deep breath and focused on Helios and the fences in front of her. She was so used to hearing Ontari’s voice in her head telling her everything she was doing wrong that it was hard to tune it out, but Clarke was right, she needed to just ride. 

 

She was ready for the surge of power and speed when he got closer to the fence and she held him back, waiting the last second when she felt him rock back on his haunches to get herself out of the saddle, her hands sliding forward near his neck. She kept her eyes forward, knowing there wasn’t much room for corrections in the few strides between fences. 

 

Helios tried to pull the reins through her hands as he landed but she was ready for it and held on, correcting him softly and urging him forward. He realized she meant business and completely focused on the jumps in front of him. Lexa felt something click between them and all of a sudden it was effortless and they cleared the other two jumps flawlessly. 

 

“Good boy!” She called to him a few strides after the last fence and patted his neck heavily. 

 

“Ride in!” Clarke yelled and Lexa slowed Helios to a walk and met with Raven and Clarke in the middle of the arena; she was all smiles. 

 

“Well, what do you think?” 

 

“Clarke he’s amazing. Thank you for letting me ride him.” 

 

“You rode him beautifully.”

 

Lexa blushed at the praise. 

 

“Thank you.”

 

“That’s enough for today. He has the Grand Prix tomorrow and I want him sharp for that. You can cool him out and take him home. I’ll be not too far behind you. I want to work Arizona over some fences and Raven is just going to hack around on Journey.”

 

“Alright, I’ll come back out here if you’re not back by the time I’m done.” 

 

Lexa walked out of the arena on Helios and they walked around the show grounds for about a half an hour before heading back to their barn. 

 

Lexa untacked Helios in his stall and carried his tack back to the tack room where she wiped it off with a towel before putting it away. She couldn’t stop smiling and for the first time in a long time she found herself looking forward to the future rather than just existing day to day. 

 

She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she didn’t see Ontari until the girl had her hands on her shoulders and was pinning her to the tack room door. 

 

“Who the hell do you think you are?”

 

Her face was inches from Lexa’s, her brown eyes furious. Lexa tried to push her away but Ontari shoved her back against the door so hard the back of her head slammed into it as well.

 

“Ontari, just leave me alone.” Lexa’s voice shook and Ontari grinned. 

 

“What’s the matter, do I scare you?”

 

“No. Get off me. Get out of here. What’s the point? You hate me so much and now I’m finally gone.”

 

“Do you have any idea how pissed off my mother is? She told me to fix this.”

 

“There’s nothing to fix, I’m done.”

 

“Oh, you’re not done. You really think that whore is going to keep you around? She’ll get rid of you as soon as she’s done fucking you. And then what? Where will you go? My mom will have to take care of you, just like she’s always done.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“Aww, is that the only comeback you’ve got? And what about your little slut of a girlfriend, does she know what you’ve done?” 

 

Ontari shifted her hold on Lexa so she was pinning her to the wall with one forearm across her chest. Her other hand trailed down Lexa’s stomach and slipped into the waistband of her breeches. Lexa froze. 

 

“Does she know that you’re so desperate for someone to like you, to want you, that you’ll let anyone do whatever they want to you? Hm? Does she know about that? Or maybe it turns her on? Since she’s such a slut too.”

 

Ontari’s voice was a low whisper and the fact that she kept bringing up Clarke made something inside Lexa snap. She brought her hand up and slapped Ontari across the face so hard her head snapped backwards and she stumbled back. Lexa put her hands on Ontari’s chest and shoved her hard, she stumbled and fell on the ground. 

 

“Stop. Talking. About. Clarke.” 

 

Lexa’s voice was low and cold, she said the words through gritted teeth as she moved to stand over Ontari. Ontari sneered and went to stand up but Lexa kicked her in the side, making her collapse back onto the ground. 

 

“You fucking bitch.” Ontari groaned as she stood up. As soon as she was on her feet Lexa had her pinned against the wall, one hand around her throat, the other arm across her chest. 

 

“Get away from me Ontari. Stay away. I don’t want anything to do with you or your mother anymore.”

 

Ontari pushed against Lexa but Lexa held her still, slowly squeezing her throat.

 

“Get off me you fucking slut!”

 

Lexa shoved her harder against the wall and smiled sadistically at the fear that flashed in Ontari’s eyes. 

 

“Scared?” 

 

“Of y-you? Why?”

 

Lexa was about to answer when she heard Clarke’s voice.

 

“Lexa? What’s going on?”

 

“She’s fucking crazy is what’s goi-“

 

Ontari started to answer but stopped short when Lexa let go of her throat and slapped her across the face.

 

“You don’t get to speak to her!” 

 

“Hey....Lexa...look at me.”

 

Lexa looked over and Clarke almost gasped at the dark hatred in her green eyes. 

 

“Let her go Lexa.”

 

“She came over here and kept talking about you and I can’t...she has no right...”

 

“Lexa. Let her go. I don’t care what she says about me. She’s not worth it.”

 

“I can’t.”

 

“You can. Come on, just let her go.”

 

Clarke moved closer to Lexa as she spoke until she was close enough to reach out and touch her. She put her hand on Lexa’s arm and squeezed. 

 

“Come on, let go.”

 

“I don’t need you to save me, you bitch.” Ontari practically spat the words at Clarke and Lexa growled and lunged for her throat with both hands and would have wrapped them around her neck had Clarke not stepped between them. She wrapped her arms around Lexa and pushed her back. 

 

“Don’t fucking talk to her!” Lexa screamed. 

 

“Hey, shhh. Lexa, stop. She’s not worth this. Go in the tack room. Please? For me?”

 

Lexa took a deep, shaky breath and nodded slightly as she returned to the tack room. 

 

Clarke spun around to face Ontari. 

 

“Get the hell away from my barn Ontari. Now.”

 

“You have no idea who she is. You’ll regret this.”

 

“I know who she is just fine. If she’s so horrible, why are you so hell bent on getting her back? Get out. Now. And don’t let me see you anywhere near her again.”

 

“You’ll regret this Griffin.”

 

“Get out.”

 

Ontari glared at her one last time before turning and storming down the barn aisle. She practically ran in to Raven and Journey as they came around the corner. 

 

“What the fuck is she doing here? She looks like someone beat the shit out of her. Is Lexa ok?”

 

“I don’t know. I rode around the corner and saw her getting up off the ground. By the time I got Arizona in her stall I came back out and Lexa had her pinned to the wall with one hand around her neck. I could barely get Lexa to let go. Can you take Arizona’s saddle off? Her bridle is off and she’s tied in her stall.”

 

“Yea, no problem. Go take care of Lexa.”

 

Clarke walked in the tack room and found Lexa sitting on one of the tack trunks with her knees pulled up to her chest. She had her arms wrapped around her knees and her forehead resting on top of them. 

 

“She’s gone.” Clarke said quietly. Lexa didn’t respond so Clarke sat down next to her and went to put her arm around her shoulders but Lexa flinched away from her.

 

“Lexa?” 

 

“I’m sorry.” She whispered and Clarke could tell she was crying.

 

“For what?”

 

“She came here because of me...”

 

“So? What happened Lexa. I’ve never seen you like that before.”

 

Lexa didn’t answer but Clarke could see her shaking. She reached for her again but Lexa pulled away. 

 

“Lexa...come here.” Clarke tugged on the side of her shirt “Please? I can’t stand seeing you so upset.”

 

Clarke scooted back on the tack trunk until her back was against the wall. She pulled on Lexa’s shirt again and the brunette finally uncurled herself and looked at Clarke, her green eyes dull. 

 

“Come here.” Clarke whispered. 

 

“I was stupid to think it would be so easy to leave. They’re never going to leave me alone.” 

 

“We’ll figure it out.”

 

“You don’t deserve any of this.”

 

“Neither do you.”

 

“They’re my family.”

 

“So? That doesn’t mean they get to get away with treating you the way they have. If anything, it makes it even worse.”

 

“If it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t have to deal with it...”

 

“I know what you’re doing, don’t even go there. This doesn’t change anything between us. It doesn’t make me want you around any less.” 

 

Lexa’s eyes flew up to meet Clarke’s and Clarke recognized the problem. 

 

“Is that what you were worried about? That I wouldn’t want you around because Ontari’s starting drama?”

 

Lexa nodded slowly. 

 

“Lexa.... no. Ontari has hated me for a long time. And even if she hadn’t, it wouldn’t matter. I’m a lot harder than that to get rid of.” 

 

Lexa tried to hold back a sob as she practically flung herself into Clarke’s arms. She wrapped her arms around Clarke’s waist and buried her face in her neck. Clarke sighed as she wrapped her arms around Lexa.

 

“She showed up when I was done taking care of Helios. I was walking out of the tack room and she pinned me to the wall.” 

 

Lexa hesitated, not really wanting to tell Clarke what had happened between her and Ontari. Clarke ran her hand up and down Lexa’s arm, patiently waiting.

 

“She asked me why thought you’d keep me around, that as soon as you were done with me I’d have nowhere else left to go and Nia would have to take care of me the way she always has. 

 

I told her to leave me alone and go away but she.... she slid one of her hands into my pants and asked if you knew who I was, what I had done. That I was so desperate for someone to want me that I’d let anyone do anything to me-“

 

“She put her hand in your pants?”

 

“Yes...not very far but I....I froze.”

 

“Not very far doesn’t matter Lexa....I’ll kill her.”

 

“I’m ok Clarke, she didn’t do anything.”

 

“You’re okay? That’s why you’re still trembling?”

 

“I just...I couldn’t move...until she called you a slut again and I just snapped. I slapped her across the face, pushed her to the ground and kicked her.”

 

“You did that because she was talking about me?”

 

“Yea...she can talk about me all she wants, but she has no right to say anything about you. I just...lost it. When you were asking me to let go, I honestly wanted to kill her....”

 

“If she touches you again I will kill her.”

 

Clarke tightened her arms possessively around Lexa. Lexa looked up at Clarke and the seriousness in her eyes surprised her. 

 

“I mean it. If anyone touches you and you don’t want them to, I’ll kill them...”

 

“Clarke...I’m okay.”

 

“She doesn’t get to...after everything she did to you? After everything that happened to you because of her...”

 

“Hey.”

 

Clarke looked down and Lexa smiled softly at her. She reached up and ran her thumb over her cheek before sliding her hand behind Clarke’s neck and pulling her down into a kiss. 

 

“I’m okay.” She whispered as she pulled back. 

 

“But you’re not, and I know that.”

 

“I will be, and being here, being with you, makes it so much easier.”

 

Lexa tucked her head back into Clarke’s neck and Clarke sighed as she rested her chin on top of Lexa’s head. 

 

“We’ll figure things out, she’s not going to keep bugging you. I’ll keep them away from you, I promise.”

 

Lexa smiled as Clarke tightened her arms around her. 

 

“Protective much?” 

 

“Yes.” The certainly in her answer made Lexa’s heart skip a beat “But I’m not the only one. Last I checked I wasn’t the one who slapped someone across the face, pushed them to the ground and kicked them for talking shit.” 

 

“She doesn’t get to drag you in to it, and she has no right to talk about you like that.”

 

“Everyone talks about me Lexa, I’m used to it. I don’t care what most people think of me. Only the important ones. I’m not going to lie, I’m proud of you for standing up to her though. And it might be kinda hot that you did it for me.” 

 

The last part of her answer was barely above a whisper and Lexa laughed. 

 

“I’ve never been that mad before. I wanted to hurt her Clarke...”

 

“I know, I could see it in your eyes. It’s understandable after everything she’s done to you Lexa.”

 

“I think I scared her.”

 

“Good.”

 

“What if she tells everyone.... everything.”

 

“I don’t think she will. It will just make her look bad.”

 

“How? I’m the one who...”

 

“Was taken advantage of and raped?” 

 

The harsh edge in Clarke’s voice made Lexa flinch and pull away from her. 

 

“Fuck, Lexa...I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it like that. It just makes me so mad...” 

 

Lexa had stood up off the tack trunk and was facing away from Clarke. 

 

“You’re the only person who has ever acknowledged what actually happened. Everyone at the party thought it was a joke. Ontari and Nia said I was over reacting...”

 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it so bluntly. I can’t even imagine how much it hurts to go through that.” 

 

Clarke reached for Lexa’s hand and pulled her backwards onto her lap. Lexa let her and leaned back against her as Clarke wrapped her arms around her waist. 

 

“I really am sorry. I just...the thought of what they did to you...”

 

“I know you are. It’s okay.”

 

“Ontari won’t share that video. She’s been using it to manipulate you but if the rest of the video is anything like that picture, she was all over you. She was making out with her cousin too ya know?”

 

“I... never thought of it like that.”

 

“I know.”

 

Lexa leaned her head back against Clarke’s shoulder then turned her head and kissed the side of her neck. 

 

“Thank you.”

 

“For what?”

 

“Just being you.”

 

“Hmm, I could say the same thing to you then. You rode Helios beautifully this morning ya know.”

 

Lexa turned sideways on Clarke’s lap so her legs were hanging over the side of the tack trunk.

 

“Thanks. He’s fun to ride. Do you want me to get up? I don’t need to sit on you.”

 

“No, not really.”

 

Lexa smiled and Clarke was glad to see that all of the anger and hurt was pretty much gone from her eyes. 

 

“There’s your smile, much better.” 

 

Lexa blushed and leaned her head against Clarke’s shoulder, her face buried in her neck. Clarke laughed and wrapped her arms around Lexa’s waist, linking her fingers together and letting them rest on her hip. She was about to say something when Raven walked in to the tack room. 

 

“God if you guys weren’t so damn cute you’d be gross.” 

 

Clarke laughed and Lexa started to get up but Clarke squeezed her waist and shook her head no. 

 

“I like you here.” She whispered. Lexa smiled and relaxed into Clarke’s embrace as Raven sat on the tack trunk across from them. 

 

“You okay Lexa? Because I’ll go find Ontari and hit her if I need to.”

 

“I’m okay now, thank you though.”

 

“What the hell happened anyhow?”

 

Lexa retold the story, leaving out the part about Ontari putting her hand in her pants; she wasn’t ready for anyone but Clarke to know about that.

 

“What a crazy bitch. I’m glad you hit her, and kicked her. She’s lucky Clarke showed up and not me. I would have joined you, not talked you out of it.”

 

“You know how I am Raven, we can settle it in the show ring.”

 

“You were just threatening to kill her if she touched me again.” Lexa smirked. 

 

“Details details. For the most part, I let them all talk their shit and have their drama; none of it matters when it comes down to showing.”

 

“Well you kick their asses showing anyhow.” Raven smiled. 

 

“Oh, I’m planning on wiping the floor with Ontari later.” 

 

“When you do, Lexa should be the one who walks you out of the ring. That will really piss her off.” 

 

Clarke squeeze Lexa’s waist.

 

“See? I told you she wouldn’t mind.”

 

“It’s your last show though?” Lexa questioned.

 

“Oh, I’ll get more joy out of the look on Ontari’s face than I would getting Clarke from the ring. She’s all yours now.” 

 

“I’m kind of worried about Nia being there.”

 

“Don’t be, I told you, this morning is the last time they’re going to bother you.”

 

“You’ll be on a horse.”

 

“But I won’t.” Raven grinned. “Let her try to bother you, she won’t know what hit her.”

 

“Thanks you guys.” 

 

“We have a few hours until Arizona goes, you want to go watch some of the other classes?” 

 

Lexa hesitated. What she really wanted to do was sit here with Clarke but she knew she couldn’t avoid the rest of the shows for forever, especially since she was going to be working with Clarke. She had to learn to deal with things. 

 

“Sure, let’s go.”

 

She smiled and stood up from Clarke’s lap. They locked the tack room and headed towards the show arenas. Raven and Clarke chatted about riders and new horses and who was in what class as they walked. Lexa walked on the other side of Clarke, their arms brushing against each other occasionally. When they were about half way to the arenas Clarke turned her hand and caught Lexa’s, lacing their fingers together and pulling her closer. 

 

“You ok?”

 

“Yea, I’m good. You sure about this?” She asked, gesturing to their joined hands.

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever been more sure. You?” 

 

“Same.” 

 

“Good.”

 

They found seats about half way up the bleachers and sat down to watch the show. Clarke scooted close to Lexa and leaned against her side, her head resting against her shoulder. Lexa smiled and put her arm around Clarke’s waist, hooking her thumb in a belt loop to keep it there. Raven rolled her eyes but smiled. 

 

“You guys are ridiculous.” She teased. 

 

“But cute.” Clarke laughed. “Besides, I like her. Leave me alone.”

 

“Pretty obvious that you like her Clarke.”

 

“Good, because she’s mine and I don’t share.”

 

“Oh my god stop it.” Lexa laughed. 

 

They turned their attention to the arena. The class was children’s pony jumpers and it was adorable. 

 

“Oh my god, I love this class. It’s so cute.” Lexa smiled as a little girl flew around the course on a palomino pony.

 

“I do not have fond memories of this class.” Clarke laughed, Raven joined her. 

 

“What happened?” Lexa asked. 

 

“My first pony could be an asshole. He was amazing when he was good and equally amazing when he was bad. My first time in this class and he was jumping beautifully. I wanted to take an inside turn to go faster than everyone else and he fought me so hard we ended up crashing into the standard, knocking over the entire jump, crashing sideways through the next one before he dumped me into the water at the water jump.”

 

“Oh my god wow.”

 

“I was so mad. I got back on him soaking wet and made him jump the rest of the course.”

 

“I can totally picture that.”

 

“It was great. This tiny blonde kid, dripping wet, stomping after her pony and finishing the course. You aren’t supposed to, but I think the judge was so impressed with her determination that she let her finish.” Raven laughed at the memory. 

 

“I think he got the point though because we won every class the rest of the weekend.” 

 

“What was your first show like Lexa?” Raven asked. Clarke glared sideways at her. 

 

“I... I’ve never shown before.”

 

“I’m sorry, you’re such a good rider I just assumed...”

 

“Thanks. And it’s okay.”

 

“Oh, this little girl has guts. I’ve watched her ride before.”

 

Clarke announced as a young girl rode in the ring on a dark grey pony. Her pony was a little ball of fire and he pranced around the arena at a barely controlled trot until the bell rang. The girl pointed him at the first fence and let him have a little rein and he blasted into the canter. Lexa gasped, but the girl seemed un-phased. Her eyes were on the fence as she collected the pony and held him back until it was time to jump. He cleared the fence with room to spare and they went tearing towards the next jump. They flew around the course and she had a clean round with the fastest time, putting her in first place. 

 

The three of them clapped and cheered for her and the girl looked up into the stands; her eyes went wide when she recognized Clarke and she waved wildly. Clarke laughed and waved back. 

 

“Awesome ride!” She yelled and the little girl blushed. Lexa smiled and leaned into Clarke. 

 

“You’re so cute with kids. That day you let that little girl ride Helios is one of the sweetest things I’ve ever seen.”

 

“So is that what won you over?”

 

“No, but it made me wonder who you really were, because what I was seeing was much different than what everyone said.” 

 

“So what was it that won you over then?” Raven asked. 

 

“She feeds me ice cream.” 

 

Clarke laughed and bumped her shoulder against Lexa’s. 

 

“That and she’s a really good kisser.” 

 

“Oh god I’m sorry I asked. Though I can’t argue with you.”

 

“Wait...were you two...”

 

“Raven Reyes I will murder you in your sleep.” Clarke growled through her laughter. 

 

“No, we were never together. But we made the mistake of playing truth or dare with a group of friends who swore we should be. They dared us to kiss so...”

 

“Neither one of us would back down and it got a little more intense than anyone expected from a truth or dare kiss.” Clarke finished the story, glancing over at Lexa to judge her reaction.

 

“That was your fault.” Raven quipped. 

 

“It was both of us, we’re both stubborn as hell and wouldn’t be the one to quit first.”

 

“True. But anyhow, nothing ever happened between us other than that kiss, but I’ll admit, your girl is pretty damn talented with that tongue.” 

 

“Yea I know.” Lexa replied without thinking then blushed and hid her face in Clarke’s shoulder. 

 

“You’re a better kisser than Raven.” Clarke whispered in her ear. 

 

“And you’re better than Ontari.” Lexa smirked.

 

“That was uncalled for. I’m hurt.” Clarke tried to look upset but could barely hold back her laughter.

 

“You are not, besides…I don’t really have many people to compare you to anyhow.”

 

“Please, you’re gorgeous and sweet, I’m sure you had girls throwing themselves at you at school.”

 

“I kept to myself at school a lot. I went on a few dates, but nothing serious. I’ve kissed a few girls, but no one that really meant anything…”

 

Clarke was about to respond when someone called her name from the bottom of the bleachers.

 

“Clarke! Clarke Griffin!”

 

It was the little girl from the pony jumpers class and she was running up the bleacher stairs. Clarke smiled and waved at her.

 

“Oh my god, it really is you!”

 

“Yes, it’s me. That was an awesome ride you had. Your pony isn’t easy, that took guts.”

 

“Thank you so much. I can’t believe you watched me ride. I’ve been to so many Grand Prix’s just to watch you ride. You’re my idol.”

 

“Thank you, sweetheart, but don’t idolize anyone. Just be the best rider you can be. That’s all you need to do.”

 

“I want to keep riding and try for the Olympics just like you.”

 

“I’m sure you’ll get there.”

 

“Can I take a selfie with you?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Lexa got up and stepped into the seats behind Clarke so the girl could take the picture. She smiled as Clarke wrapped her arm around the girls shoulder and leaned close to her for the picture. The girl took a few pictures and then hugged Clarke.

 

“Thank you, you’re amazing!”

 

“You’re welcome, you are too. Keep riding, you’ll do great.”

 

“Thank you! Sorry I made your girlfriend move seats.”

 

“Oh, I’m not her-“

 

“Its okay, she doesn’t mind.”

 

The girl smiled again and then waved as she turned to leave. Lexa stepped back down to her seat next to Clarke.

 

“Girlfriend huh?”

 

“What can I say, children speak the truth.”

 

“Oh my god, you guys haven’t made it official yet?” Raven asked loudly from the other side of Clarke. Lexa pressed her lips together and sat back down in her seat. Clarke glared at Raven.

 

“Do you ever shut up?”

 

“Sorry, no filter. You know this. Lexa…I didn’t mean anything.”  


“I know, its fine.”

 

“I’m going to go grab a soda, does anyone else want anything?”

 

“A water please?” Lexa asked.

 

“No, I’m good. Thanks.”

 

Raven nodded and headed towards the snack bar. Clarke bit her lower lip and looked sideways at Lexa.

 

“I’m not mad, Clarke.”

 

“Maybe not, but it bothered you, and I’m sorry.”

 

“I just…I don’t know where this is going.”

 

“Where ever it wants.”

 

“Clarke.”

 

“I’m serious Lexa, I don’t need labels. I don’t care about them. I’m…so happy when I’m with you. I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time. And lately it’s been a lot of drama, but we’ll figure that out. I don’t care what other people say or what they want to call us, but I don’t want it to upset you.”

 

“People are going to ask…you know they’re going to talk. They’ll talk to me when you’re not around and I don’t know what to say. Are we friends? Dating? Girlfriends? How do I answer that? I just…you’ve done so much for me, I don’t want to screw things up or add more drama to your life.”

 

“Say whatever you want to say, because no matter what you say, they’re going to say what they want. Give a different answer every time if you really want to screw with people’s heads.”

 

“I’m serious Clarke.”

 

“So am I. I don’t care. I’m so used to people talking shit it doesn’t bother me anymore. I’m not afraid of people knowing we’re…whatever we are, but I don’t feel the need to label it for them either.”

 

Lexa sighed and looked down at her hands in her lap.

 

“Can’t anything just be easy?”

 

“Yes. This.” Clarke leaned over and put her hand behind Lexa’s neck, pulling her into a kiss. “Is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”

 

“Yea… me too.”

 

“Good, then don’t let other people complicate it.”

 

Lexa nodded and leaned against Clarke’s side. Raven came back a few minutes later with drinks.

 

“Everything better in paradise?”

 

Lexa nodded against Clarke’s shoulder as she took her water bottle from Raven.

 

“Good, because we’re about to have company.”

 

“Dammit, why is he here?” Clarke huffed as she looked up to see Bellamy walking up the bleachers. Lexa pressed herself closer to Clarke and put her arm around her waist as Bellamy walked up. Clarke smiled.

 

“So, the rumors are true.” He sneered.

 

“Oh, I don’t know about that, which one are you talking about?”

 

“The one about you sleeping with Ontari’s groom. Although, since she’s wearing your barn colors I guess she’s yours now? Have to pay to keep them around, huh Griffin?”

 

Lexa tensed against Clarke’s side.

 

“Do you have a reason to be here Bellamy, or do you just like hearing yourself talk?”

 

“Oh, I just wanted to see for myself. You’ve lowered your standards Clarke. At least when you were sleeping with the top riders on the circuit you were getting somewhere. Now you’ve lowered yourself to sleeping with the hired help? Isn’t that the same thing as paying them for sex?”

 

“Why don’t you leave Blake?” Raven practically growled at him.

 

“Oh look, your other prostitute is defending you, how sweet. Did you get bored with her and decided you needed a new one?”

 

“You know what I think your problem is Bellamy?” Lexa asked, her voice cold.

 

“Oh, she speaks all of a sudden. Do tell, what do you think my problem is?”

 

“You’re jealous.”

 

“Jealous?”

 

“Yes. Because you tried to get me to be interested in you and I just wasn’t. You tried to get somewhere with Clarke but couldn’t, and I haven’t heard, but I have no doubt you probably tried and failed with Raven. So…Clarke has everything you want, and you couldn’t have it even if you did pay for it.”

 

Bellamy opened and closed his mouth a few times but said nothing. Lexa cocked her head and smiled.

 

“What’s the matter? Does the truth hurt? Come to think of it, you’re always alone when I see you. Why is that? Aren’t there any girls that are interested in you? Or is your reputation that bad? Which is funny, because you talk about Clarke but any time I’ve seen her she has people with her, yet you seem to be alone.”

 

“I…who the fuck do you think you are?”

 

“Oh, you already said who I am. Try to keep up, I know it’s hard. I’m Ontari’s groom who is now fucking Clarke because she’s bored with Raven, remember?”

 

Bellamy’s eyes narrowed as he glared and Lexa; she raised one eyebrow at him and waited for a minute before continuing.

 

“You know what else probably bothers you? Not only does Clarke have what you want, but so do I. Because Clarke wants nothing to do with you, me on the other hand?”

 

She leaned over and kissed Clarke, putting her hand behind her neck and pulling her close before tugging on her bottom lip as she pulled back from the kiss and smiled.

 

“She wants me. I can do that any time I want, and she’d never kiss you like that. So, I think you’re just jealous all the way around because no one in this equation wants anything to do with you. So why don’t you take a hint and just leave?”

 

“You’re a bitch, you know that?”

 

“Hm, a bitch who has what you’ve always wanted but could never get. I know what you tell everyone, but you and I also both know the truth. And it still bugs you, doesn’t it?”

 

“Fuck you. Clarke…you’ll regret this.”

 

Bellamy huffed and stormed back down the bleachers muttering to himself.

 

“Holy shit Lexa!” Raven said quietly.

 

“God, I can’t stand that asshole.”

 

“Obviously. That was amazing. No one ever talks to Bellamy like that.”

 

“Maybe more people should.”

 

Lexa smiled and looked at Clarke who was just staring at her.

 

“What? Did I do something wrong?”

 

“No…not at all. You…you’re perfect. Can we…come with me for a second?”

 

“I…sure…” Lexa looked over at Raven who shrugged her shoulders as Clarke tugged on Lexa’s hand as she got up.

 

Lexa followed Clarke out of the bleachers and past the snack bar to the other side of the building by an empty parking lot.

 

“Clarke…if I upset you I’m sorry. I just…can’t stand him talking about yo-“

 

She was cut off when Clarke turned towards her and pushed her up against the building as she kissed her.

 

It was a messy, deep kiss with all tongue and no pretense. Lexa moaned deep in her throat as Clarke’s hands ran up her sides under her shirt. She grabbed Clarke’s hips and pulled her closer and finally tangled her hands in Clarke’s hair and pulled her back when she needed air.

 

“Damn Clarke..”

 

She sighed as Clarke moved from her lips to her neck, softly kissing the mark she’d left the day before. After Lexa had taken a few breaths Clarke was kissing her again, softer this time but no less intense. She ran her hands up Lexa’s back to her shoulders and held her close. Lexa lost track of everything except Clarke. She shifted her hips and pressed even closer, losing track of where one of them stopped and the other started. Their kiss slowed, then Clarke pulled back and rested her head against Lexa’s shoulder to catch her breath.

Lexa idly ran her hand up and down the middle of Clarke’s back until the blonde caught her breath and stepped back a little ways.

 

“Thank you.” She said with a shy smile.

 

“Clarke…what are you talking about?”

 

“No one has ever defended me like that, especially not around Bellamy. Raven stands up for me, but it’s not the same. You…you’re perfect. Bellamy knows exactly how to get under my skin and no one has ever shut him down like that.”

 

“I can’t stand the way he talks to you.”

 

“I can tell.”

 

“Is that what that kiss was for?

 

“Yes, and I could barely wait until we got over here. I damn near kissed you like that in the bleachers.”

 

“You can kiss me like that whenever you want…jesus.”

 

“I might have gotten a little carried away.”

 

“I…it’s fine. No one has ever kissed me like that before.”

 

“No one?”

 

“No.”

 

“Lexa…can I ask you something? About that night at Nia’s…and that guy.”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Was that…had you ever…was that your first time?”

 

Lexa’s eyes filled with tears and she looked down at the ground. Clarke immediately wrapped her arms around her.

 

“Oh my god Babe, I’m so sorry…”

 

“I…there was one girl at school that I’d messed around with but we’d never…I’d never let it go all the way…”

 

“Lexa…god I wish I could take all of that away for you…I’m so sorry…promise me something?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Please tell me if I ever go too far…if you’re not comfortable. God, I feel like such an ass for the way I was in the elevator now.”

 

“Clarke no. I’ve never felt that way about you.”

 

“Promise you’ll tell me.”

 

“I promise. But please don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, you haven’t.”

 

“Okay…I just…I really like you. I don’t want to fuck this up.”

 

“I kinda like you too, and you’re not.”

 

“Kinda?”

 

“Well what do you expect, you call me a spider monkey.”

 

“You’re never going to let that go are you?”

 

“No, just like I’m never letting you go.”

 

“That was smooth, I’m not going to lie.”

 

“Well, I have to keep up with you don’t I?”

 

“Now that I’ve gotten my desire to pin you to the wall and kiss you out of my system, we should go back and get Raven so we can get the horses ready. We’ve got classes to win.”

 

“Alright, lets get going then. I can’t wait to see Ontari’s face when you beat her.”

 

Clarke pressed a quick kiss to Lexa’s lips and smiled.

 

“Me either, and it will be even better because you’ll be there with me.”

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is super long, but it was either that or super short

Lexa ran a brush through Arizona’s tail and tied it in a knot to keep it out of the shavings, then she ran a towel over her muzzle, slipped a halter over her bridle and clipped it to the cross ties that had been put up outside her stall. 

 

“Stay clean for two minutes while I go see what your mother is doing, ok?” Lexa patted the mare on her shoulder as she walked into the tack room to get Clarke. 

 

“Arizona is ready when you are.” 

 

Clarke looked up from where she was rummaging around in the tack trunk. 

 

“I can’t find my damn gloves.”

 

Lexa smiled and pulled them out of her pocket. 

 

“Raven told you, didn’t she?”

 

“Yep. Sit down, let me do your hair.”

 

“I can do it. I just lost track of time.”

 

“I know, sit.”

 

Clarke sat down on the tack trunk with her back to Lexa and sighed as Lexa ran her fingers through her hair. 

 

Lexa twisted Clarke’s hair at the base of her neck into a somewhat messy bun. 

 

“Do you wear a hair net or just pile it on top of your head?”

 

“I usually just shove it all in my helmet, but I also usually look like a hot mess, so if you can do better, go ahead.”

 

Lexa laughed and pulled a hair net out of her pocket. She wrapped a hair tie around Clarke’s hair to keep it in a low ponytail. She twisted the longer part around and pinned it before putting a hair net over the whole thing. Clarke put her helmet on and then Lexa took a long barrette and fasted it at the top of the bun. Clarke smiled. 

 

“Hey, it looks like one of those damn bun keeper things that never work on my hair because it’s so unruly. Thanks.”

 

“You’re welcome. Take your pajama pants off before you mount up.” 

 

“You say that like you know I’ve forgotten and almost shown in fuzzy PJs.”

 

“Hm, it wouldn’t surprise me.”

 

Clarke laughed as she stepped out of the pajama pants that were covering her white breeches and tall boots. She pulled on her jacket and looked around the tack room for her number, smiling when she saw Lexa holding it. 

 

Lexa reached around Clarke to put her number on her back and then threaded the yarn that held it through one of the button holes of her jacket before tying it around her. Her hands shook slightly as she did and Clarke noticed. 

 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” She put her hands over Lexa’s and held them. 

 

Lexa huffed and shook her head. 

 

“Nothing’s wrong.”

 

“Your hands are shaking.”

 

“I know. I’m okay.”

 

“Lexa...”

 

Lexa smiled, gently pulled her hands away from Clarke and finished buttoning her jacket. She fixed the collar and stepped back. 

 

“You look perfect. How the hell did I get so lucky?” 

 

“Is that what the shaky hands are about?”

 

“Yea...I guess I’m just kinda overwhelmed.”

 

“It’s been a lot of change, anyone would be.”

 

“I just keep waiting for reality to set in. I can’t possibly have gotten lucky enough to end up here...with you...there has to be a catch.”

 

“Oh there is, you have to put up with me.”

 

“I think I can manage that.”

 

Lexa reached out and hooked her finger in between the buttons on Clarke’s jacket and used it to pull her forward. Clarke’s hands automatically went to Lexa’s hips, which made her smile. 

 

“Yea, I think you manage me just fine.”

 

“Mhmm.”

 

“So are you going to give me a kiss for good luck or what?”

 

“Hm, I think only winners get kisses.” 

 

Lexa smirked as she stepped back from Clarke. 

 

“Oh I see how it is. You do realize if I win I’m going to kiss you in front of whoever the hell is watching, right?” 

 

“Maybe that’s part of my plan.” Lexa called over her shoulder as she walked out of the tack room to get Arizona. She walked the mare up to the mounting block and waited for Clarke. 

 

“You know, I have a hard time keeping my hands off you.” 

 

Clarke whispered in her ear as she wrapped one arm around her waist from behind and kissed her neck before letting go and stepping up on the mounting block. 

 

“Who says I want you to?” 

 

“You’re such a flirt sometimes.” Clarke laughed as she swung her leg over Arizona and settled into the saddle. Lexa blushed. 

 

“Only with you babe.” 

 

Clarke smiled down at her as she collected her reins and the open affection in her eyes made Lexa blush even more. 

 

“Where’s Raven?” Clarke asked 

 

“I told her she could meet us at the arena if she wanted, that I’d take care of Arizona...and you.” 

 

“I think she’s probably more worried about you taking care of me than the horses.”

 

“Yea, I think so too.”

 

“Well so far you’re doing just fine.” 

 

They walked out to the arenas and Lexa leaned against the railing of the warmup arena as Clarke rode. 

 

After a few minutes a couple of girls came and stood beside her.

 

“Which one is she?” One of them asked the other. 

 

“The one on the bay and white mare.” 

 

They waited until Clarke rode by on the rail to continue their conversation. 

 

“Damn, she is hot.”

 

“Told you. It’s hard to tell with her helmet and show gear on, but she’s gorgeous. I’ve heard she’s pretty easy too. You should totally go for it.”

 

“I’d fuck her.” 

 

They both laughed and Lexa clenched her fists at her sides. She wanted to say something but she knew Clarke would just tell her to let it go. She glanced around and saw Raven sitting on the first row of the bleachers not too far away and went to join her. 

 

“Hey, how’d it go?”

 

“Fine.”

 

“What’s wrong? You look like you want to murder someone.”

 

“Those girls...they’re talking about Clarke.”

 

“So?”

 

“About how...they’ve heard she’s easy and want to fuck her.”

 

“Jealous?”

 

“No. I mean....I don’t know. We haven’t...it’s not like she couldn’t see someone else if she wanted to...”

 

“Oh Lexa, no one else even exists to Clarke when you’re around. You have nothing to worry about. Seriously. I’ve never seen her look at anyone the way she looks at you.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes, really. I don’t know what it is about you, but she’s...she really likes you.”

 

“Thanks Raven.” 

 

“You’re welcome. Go get your girl, she’s coming out of the warmup and will want to tell you the course.”

 

“I don’t know the course.”

 

“She does. Just let her go over it with you. Next time learn it. Here, offer her Gatorade. She only likes red and blue and she won’t drink water while she’s riding.”

 

Lexa took the bottle of Gatorade and walked over to the arena and took ahold of Arizona’s rein as they walked out. 

 

“Thanks.” Clarke smiled as she kicked her feet out of the stirrups and stretched her legs. Lexa handed her the Gatorade which she took a few drinks of while staring out at the arena she was going to be riding in. 

 

“Clarke? Clarke Griffin?”

 

One of the girls that had been talking about her at the rail was walking towards Arizona. 

 

“Yes, I’m sorry, do I know you?”

 

“No, but I was hoping we could change that. My name is Tara, Tara Harding.”

 

“Nice to meet you Tara.”

 

“You too. You had a nice ride out there. Your mare is almost as pretty as her rider.” 

 

“Thanks. She’s coming along nicely.”

 

“I’m sure she is with you riding.” 

 

Lexa rolled her eyes; the girl was laying it on thick.

 

“She’s a good horse. Are you riding today?”

 

“Yes, but not against you thank god or I’d lose.” 

 

“Oh, I don’t always win.”

 

“More often than not. You’re amazing.”

 

“So, Tara, what made you decide to come talk to me?”

 

“Honestly? I’ve had a crush on you for a while and I guess I finally got brave enough to say something. Would you want to go out some time? Maybe get coffee or something?”

 

“I’m flattered, but I’m also taken. I’m sorry.” 

 

“Oh. I had no idea. I mean...they wouldn’t have to know.” 

 

Tara winked and put her hand on Clarke’s knee. 

 

“Sorry, but no thanks. I’m happy with who I’m with. She’s pretty amazing.”

 

“Well, if you ever want to just have some fun, no strings attached, I can give you my number.”

 

Lexa had been staying quiet holding on to Arizona’s reins but she couldn’t keep her mouth shut anymore. 

 

“Babe? You’re up in three. You want to go over the course?” 

 

Clarke smiled and winked at Lexa then turned back to Tara. 

 

“I have to go. Like I said, I’m flattered but taken. See you around.”

 

Tara’s mouth fell open and Lexa waved at her over her shoulder as they walked towards the ring. 

 

“You kept your mouth shut longer than I thought you would, I’m impressed.” Clarke tapped Lexa’s shoulder with the toe of her boot. 

 

“Her and her friend were checking you out as you rode and I didn’t say a word.”

 

“Wow.”

 

“It wasn’t easy. I want to shake the shit out of them and tell them that you’re mine.”

 

“I am, so don’t worry about it.”

 

“I’m not worried, I trust you Clarke. I just...Ugh.”

 

“Just remember, at the end of the day it’s me and you leaving together. Not them.”

 

“Can I just say how amazing Netflix and cuddling sounds right now?”

 

“We didn’t really get to the Netflix part last time.”

 

“I’d be fine with just cuddling.”

 

“Me too. I love showing but these past few weeks have been a lot. I’m ready for a break. We have a week between this show and the next one. Normally I’d just go to the next show grounds but I was thinking of going home. I’d like to just spend some time with you away from everything. Just us.”

 

“That sounds amazing but...I don’t really have a place to live when we aren’t showing so I should probably look for something.”

 

“You don’t have to look for anything, the job comes with living quarters at Arkadia during the off season. If you want them...it’s like your own apartment away from the main house. Unless you want to look for somewhere on your own...I totally understand...”

 

“Clarke...”

 

“It’s fine if you don’t want to. I didn’t mean you had to, I just wanted to offer...”

 

“Of course I want to. I just feel like you’re doing too much for me.”

 

“It’s part of the job, I’d do it for anyone I hired. Though...I wouldn’t be opposed to you staying in the main house with me...which I wouldn’t offer to anyone...”

 

Lexa bit her bottom lip and blushed. Clarke laughed and put her feet back in the irons as she collected Arizona’s reins. 

 

“Just something to think on. I know it’s a lot. I just...like having you around.” 

 

“I will. Are you up next?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“Tell me your course.”

 

Clarke smiled and recited the course to Lexa. She watched the rider ahead of her go as she did. 

 

“This is a fast course, I’m going to have to make a few ugly turns to win it.”

 

“You’ll kill it in there, you always do.” 

 

“Thanks. Walk to the gate with me?”

 

Lexa nodded and fell in to step next to Arizona’s shoulder. She walked all the way to the in gate and patted the mare on the shoulder. 

 

“Don’t suck.”

 

“Don’t suck?”

 

“Yep. It’s bad luck to say good luck and break a leg isn’t something I want to say to someone riding a horse. So...don’t suck.”

 

“I like it. And I’ll try.”

 

Clarke smiled at her and collected Arizona’s reins before heading in to the ring. Lexa moved over and found a spot on the rail. Raven slid in next to her. 

 

“You’re good for her. She smiles a lot with you. Her actual smile, not that fake shit she pulls for the media.”

 

“She’s better for me than I am for her.”

 

They both turned their attention to the ring as Clarke pointed Arizona at the first jump. Lexa could physically see the change in Clarke as she tuned out everything around her to focus on the horse and the jumps. 

 

After the third fence Clarke looked hard to the right and opened her right rein. Arizona landed and spun hard to the right, slipping a little. Clarke lost one of her stirrups but pointed Arizona at the jump anyways. The mare didn’t hesitate at all and they flew over the fence. 

 

“Jesus Christ Clarke.” Lexa muttered as Clarke headed towards the triple, not bothering to fix her stirrup. They cleared all three jumps and Clarke asked for another hard right, turning between two fences instead of going around. 

 

Arizona responded beautifully and Clarke had just gotten her foot back in the stirrup as she launched over the jump. Clarke glanced at the time and asked for more speed going to the last fence. They flew between the timers a full three seconds faster than the current leader.

 

“Yes!” Lexa yelled. 

 

“Still two more riders.” Raven reminded her.

 

“Yea but who is going to attempt those turns?”

 

Lexa smirked as she walked to the gate. 

 

“You’re amazing.” She called to Clarke as they walked out of the gate. She took Arizona’s rein and walked along side of them. 

 

“She’s amazing. Such a good girl after that slip. She hasn’t always been that confident.” Clarke was beaming as she patted Arizona’s neck. 

 

“Can you walk her so I can watch the last two riders?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Thanks babe. Here, use my helmet so you don’t have to hand walk her.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Lexa shoved the helmet on her head as Clarke dismounted. She gave her a leg up and then hurried to the rail. Lexa smiled as she turned Arizona towards the warmup arena. 

 

“Did Clarke Griffin just call you babe?”

 

A girl on a chestnut horse rode up next to her and asked. 

 

“Yea.”

 

“Well that’s interesting. Are you her new flavor of the week?”

 

“Something like that.”

 

“Doesn’t it bother you? Knowing she’ll get tired of you and move on?”

 

“I don’t really think of it like that.”

 

“Whatever works for you I guess. I wouldn’t want to be associated with her.”

 

Lexa shrugged and turned Arizona the opposite direction, mostly to get away from the other rider. She heard whispers and laughs as she rode past certain places on the rail and just rolled her eyes. 

 

“Lexa! We won, get over here!” Raven called from the warm up arena gate. 

 

Lexa rode over and jumped off Arizona as Clarke came jogging over. 

 

“Good girl!” She patted the mare and hugged her around the neck. 

 

“No victory lap, it’s a smaller class but I’m still so proud of her. The last time we were out it was pretty shitty.” 

 

Lexa bit her lip to stop the sudden flood of tears that threatened to escape her eyes. 

 

“Dammit...I’m sorry Lexa. I didn’t mean anything by it. I didn’t even think about you...just that we scratched because the ride was so bad.”

 

“Because of me.”

 

“Because of Nia. And it’s over now and look at how amazing we just did.”

 

Lexa looked down at the ground and Clarke stepped closer to her. She hooked one finger through her belt loop and tugged her close. 

 

“Don’t. You said you’d try. So don’t go there and start beating yourself up. Please.”

 

Lexa brought her eyes up to meet Clarke’s and was surprised at the sincerity in them. She was expecting to find a hint of anger or irritation regardless of what she was saying, but there wasn’t any. She slowly smiled. 

 

“You really forgive me, don’t you?” She whispered. 

 

“Yes, I do.”

 

“You’re...I’ve never met anyone like you.”

 

“Hm, better keep me around then.”

 

“Oh, you’re mine. I’m not letting you go anywhere as long as you want to keep me around.”

 

“Good. I believe you owe me a kiss since I won.”

 

“I do.”

 

“Pay up then.”

 

Lexa smiled, pulled Clarke forward by the collar of her jacket and kissed her. It was a long, slow kiss until Arizona reached over and nudged Clarke on the shoulder with her nose. 

 

“Even the horse thinks you guys are gross. Raven laughed from the other side of Arizona. Lexa laughed and hid her face in Clarke’s shoulder. Clarke wrapped her arm around her waist and held her closer. 

 

“You’re better incentive to win than the ribbons.” She whispered into her neck. 

 

“You’re so ridiculous sometimes.”

 

“Only about you.”

 

“Good.”

 

“Alright, break it up. Let’s get back to the barn, you can be all over each other later.” Raven called as she walked back towards the barn. Lexa laughed and pulled Arizona’s reins over her head and started walking back. Clarke came up beside her and took her other hand as they walked. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Lexa sat outside of Journey’s stall on a bale of shavings. Arizona had been put away and given carrots, Raven went off to find Luna and Clarke was in the tack room changing. 

 

Lexa pulled her phone out of her pocket and huffed. She had six missed calls from Nia and fifteen texts from Ontari. She was about to open the text messages when Clarke wrapped her arms around her neck from the side. 

 

“Babe...don’t.” She gently pushed the phone down so it was face down on Lexa’s lap. “You don’t need to hear anything they have to say. They don’t have any control over you anymore.”

 

Lexa smiled and put her phone back in her pocket as she slid over and made room next to her for Clarke to sit down. 

 

“You seem to have a thing for calling me babe lately.” 

 

She commented as Clarke sat down and leaned against her side. 

 

“It just comes out. I’ll try to stop if it bothers you?”

 

“No, it’s just new.”

 

“You’re just so damn cute I can’t help it.”

 

“Quit it.” Lexa laughed as she bumped Clarke with her shoulder. 

 

“It’s true. After Journey’s class there is a mare we’re going to go look at from the GreenBriar barn. I want you to ride her if you’re comfortable. She comes from amazing bloodlines and is super talented, but she has developed a bad habit of rearing and flipping herself over. If we could fix her though, she would kick ass.”

 

Lexa smiled at the fact that Clarke used the word we so nonchalantly. 

 

“You want me to ride her? Why?”

 

“A few reasons. I want your opinion, and you have a really soft touch with the horses. I have a feeling you’ll be good with her. And I like to watch horses being ridden by a competent rider that they aren’t used to. I’ll ride her first, but I always like to watch them go for someone else.”

 

“Wouldn’t Raven be better than me?”

 

“You’re a damn good rider Lexa. I know no one has told you that, but you are. And after this weekend Raven isn’t going to be around, it’s all you.”

 

“No pressure.”

 

“I’m not worried, not after your ride on Helios. We’ll be just fine together. So...will you ride her?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Thanks. After that we’re getting you a different phone number, and phone if we have to.”

 

“You don’t need to do that.”

 

“I know, but I want to. They aren’t going to keep tormenting you.”

 

“Someday I’ll be able to repay you somehow.”

 

“I’m not keeping tabs Lexa. It’s not about that.”

 

“Maybe someday I’ll get used to you.”

 

“Maybe someday you’ll realize you deserve to be treated better than the way you’ve been being treated.”

 

“Maybe someday...”

 

The conversation lapsed into comfortable silence. Clarke turned sideways and draped her legs across Lexa’s lap as she leaned on the stall wall so she could look at Lexa. Lexa let her hands rest on Clarke’s thighs. 

 

“Do you still get nervous before big classes?” Lexa asked. 

 

“Yes and No. I used to get scared nervous. I threw up a few times before really big Grand Prix’s. I was a mess. Now it’s more of an excited nervous. I love the thrill of the big fences and the rush of a jump off. It’s not about being scared to mess up anymore, it’s about the thrill of the ride itself. There’s nothing like it when it’s perfect and you feel like the horse is an extension of yourself. It’s almost like...they can read your mind. You don’t think about the little things like your position or how to make corrections you just ride. Everything else disappears and it’s just you and the horse and the fences and it’s like you’re flying...”

 

Clarke’s statement drifted off into silence for a minute and she looked over to find Lexa staring at her, smiling. 

 

“Stop it, I know I was rambling.”

 

“You’re gorgeous, you know that?” 

 

“Stop it.”

 

“No, seriously. I love watching people talk about something their totally passionate about. Their whole face changes. It’s amazing. You can tell you really love riding .”

 

“I am. I always have been. That feeling is what I chase. It’s more important than any ribbons. Those moments of pure, perfect connection. There’s nothing like it...stop staring at me like that.”

 

“Sorry. I just...I wish you could see what you look like when you talk about it that way. You look so happy.”

 

“Riding has always been my escape, my happy place.”

 

“It was mine too when my parents were alive, but after that at school it was just something to do that I was decent at. Everything felt so...colorless. I wasn’t really passionate about anything because I was trying so hard for Nia’s approval and getting nowhere.”

 

“That passion is still there. I can see it in the way you ride.”

 

“Yea, I guess.”

 

Clarke weaved her fingers between Lexa’s and squeezed her hand. 

 

“I still keep waiting for this to not be real. It’s almost like I’m afraid to let myself be happy.” Lexa said softly as she ran her thumb over the back of Clarke’s hand. 

 

“That’s understandable. You’ve been through a lot. For years. I think anyone would feel the same way. But I’m not going anywhere.” 

 

Lexa just nodded, not trusting herself to speak without getting overly emotional. 

 

“We have a little while before Journey’s class, do you want to go watch any of the other classes?”

 

“I’ll go if you want to, but I’m fine right here.”

 

“Me too, I just don’t want to be boring you.”

 

“No, I like spending time with you.”

 

Clarke smiled and kissed the back of Lexa’s hand. 

 

“You have no idea how happy it makes me when you say little stuff like that.”

 

“I mean it...I’m more comfortable with you than I’ve been with anyone in a long time. It’s just...easy.”

 

“I know you mean it, and I feel the same way about you.”

 

“I’ll probably never understand why, but I’m glad. Should we be doing something productive? I feel weird just sitting around at a horse show.”

 

“We could clean tack. That’s always an endless task. But I’m pretty comfy right here honestly.”

 

“Me too, though you could be closer.” 

 

“Closer?”

 

“Mhmm.”

 

“Closer how?”

 

Lexa smirked and pulled on Clarke’s hand until she scooted onto her lap. Clarke laughed as Lexa wrapped her arms around her waist. 

 

“This is a little ridiculous.” She muttered as she leaned against Lexa, her head resting under Lexa’s chin as Lexa so often did with her.

 

“Maybe, but you’re not moving.”

 

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it. I can see why this is your thing now.” Clarke turned her face and kissed Lexa’s neck. 

 

“It is, but this is fine too.”

 

“Good, because I like it here.”

 

“Even though it’s ridiculous?”

 

“Yep.”

 

Lexa laughed and leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes, just letting herself be happy for a few minutes. 

 

“What are you thinking about?” Clarke asked after she’d been quiet for a while. 

 

“Nothing for once. I’m just happy.”

 

“Me too.” 

 

“If we have time tonight, can we go watch the fountains again?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Unless you don’t want to, or if it’s late or you’re tired-“

 

“Shhh. It’s okay to ask for things. If I don’t want to, I’ll say no.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Clarke sat up and kissed Lexa briefly, running her thumb over her cheek as she did. 

 

“What was that for?”

 

“Because I like kissing you, and I can.”

 

“Yes you can, whenever you want.”

 

“Careful with that statement. You might regret it.”

 

“Nah.” Lexa leaned forward and kissed Clarke. “I’d never regret anything to do with you.” 

 

“You’re so damn smooth sometimes.”

 

“I guess you’re rubbing off on me.”

 

“Maybe. I think cleaning tack is probably a good idea because if I don’t get off of your lap, I’m going to end up just sitting here making out with you until neither one of us can breathe.”

 

Lexa blushed and pulled her lower lip between her teeth. Clarke groaned. 

 

“That look doesn’t help.”

 

“And this?”

 

Lexa kissed Clarke’s neck and flicked her tongue in the hollow space above her collar bone before softly kissing her pulse point. 

 

“I can feel your heartbeat.” She whispered as she smiled against Clarke’s skin. 

 

“Then you should be able to tell you’re driving me crazy.”

 

“Mhmm. I kinda like it.”

 

“Such a tease.”

 

“No, a tease doesn’t mean it.” 

 

She kissed Clarke’s neck again, slowly swirling her tongue along her skin because she knew it drove Clarke nuts. 

 

“Lexa...” her name came out of Clarke’s mouth as a low growl. 

 

“Hm?”

 

“If you don’t stop it...things are going to get inappropriate pretty quick.”

 

Lexa smiled and pulled Clarke’s bottom lip between her teeth before kissing her. Clarke moaned and wrapped her hand in Lexa’s hair, pulling her closer. 

 

Lexa let herself get lost in it for a minute before putting her hand on Clarke’s chest and gently pushing her back. 

 

“You drive me crazy...”

 

Clarke whispered. Lexa took Clarke’s hand and put it over her heart, which was racing. 

 

“The feeling is mutual babe.”

 

“So don’t stop?”

 

“Hm, we’re in the middle of the barn aisle at a show.” 

 

“I don’t care?”

 

“Yes you do. Come on, get up. Let’s clean tack.”

 

“You are way more appealing.”

 

“I’m flattered that you find me more attractive than your saddles. Really.”

 

Clarke laughed loudly and buried her face in Lexa’s neck. 

 

“You know what I meant.”

 

“Uh huh. I mean I guess I should be flattered, you have some really nice saddles.”

 

“Oh my god Lexa stop it.”

 

“No, it’s fine, I get it. I wonder how I’d rank against new tack though? New leather is so soft.”

 

“Expensive new saddles are super comfy too.”

 

“Get off me, go cuddle with your saddles.” Lexa laughed and pushed Clarke off her lap before standing up herself. She squealed in surprise when Clarke grabbed her waist and pulled her close. 

 

“You know I think you’re fucking stunning, right?” 

 

“Clarke...I was joking about the saddles.” Lexa blushed and looked at the ground but Clarke tilted her chin back up. 

 

“You’re gorgeous Lexa.”

 

“Clarke stop it.”

 

“No, I mean it.”

 

“I know you do...I can see that you do...but I don’t do compliments well.” 

 

“I guess I’ll have to do it more then.”

 

“Please don’t. I was kidding about the saddles I swear.”

 

Clarke smiled and tucked a piece of Lexa’s hair behind her ear, letting her hand linger on her cheek as she did. 

 

“I know you were. You really are beautiful though Lexa.”

 

“So are you.”

 

“Babe?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Just say thank you.”

 

Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke and pulled her into a hug, her head resting on the blonde’s shoulder. 

 

“Thank you.” She whispered. 

 

“See, that wasn’t so bad. Let’s clean tack.”

 

Lexa laughed as she let go of Clarke and headed into the tack room. Clarke shook her head as she watched her go. The more time she spent with Lexa, the stronger her feelings got for the other girl. She knew she was falling way to fast, but it was too easy and comfortable for her to even think about stopping. 

 

* * *

 

 

“Lexa. Stop looking around like you’re waiting to be abducted by an axe murderer.”

 

Raven scolded as she elbowed Lexa in the side. They were standing at the warm up ring watching Clarke ride and Lexa hadn’t stopped looking for Ontari since they’d walked out. 

 

“I’m sorry...I just...”

 

“She’s going to see you. You’re going to see her. This won’t be the last time. You’ll have to deal with her at shows. You’ll be fine. She can’t come over and make you go back.”

 

“I know, I know. I just...don’t want drama.”

 

“Don’t stress so much.”

 

Lexa was about to reply when Clarke rode up on Journey, stopping the big buckskin gelding a few feet from the rail. 

 

“Lexa can you please get up on him? I keep getting a killer cramp in my calf and I need to stretch it out but he needs to warm up.”

 

“Me? I can’t...can’t Raven...”

 

“Raven has jeans on, I’m not putting her in my saddle in jeans. Please?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Clarke dismounted and gave Lexa her helmet. Lexa mounted Journey and set off along the rail in a trot.

 

“You don’t have a cramp, do you?” Raven asked with a sly smile. 

 

“No, but she looked like she was ready to jump out of her own skin, so I gave her something to do.”

 

“She’s so scared of them.”

 

“I know. What they’ve done to her...I want to kill them.”

 

“You’re totally falling in love with her, you see that, right?”

 

“I don’t know that I’d say I’m in love with her yet, but it’s easily headed that way, yes.”

 

“Good, I’m happy for you Clarke. It’s about time you let someone in.”

 

“Maybe she’s been the first one worth letting.”

 

“Whatever it is, she makes you happy. So I’m glad.”

 

“Reverse and canter Lexa!” Clarke called across the arena as she saw Ontari walk in on her chestnut mare. 

 

“Fuck, here we go.”

 

“No, she’ll be fine.”

 

Lexa looked up and saw Ontari come into the ring on her mare and every muscle in her body tensed. Journey felt it and quickened his pace. 

 

“Slow him down”

 

She heard Clarke call to her as she went past her on the rail but she couldn’t make her body listen. 

 

“Dammit Lexa.” Clarke muttered as she walked into the warm up arena.

 

“Lexa ride in.”

 

Lexa looked up to see Clarke standing in a corner of the arena and headed that way. 

 

“Circle around me and focus on my voice, nothing else matters.”

 

Lexa nodded and made a wide circle around Clarke.

 

“Breathe. Just breathe. Open your shoulders. Good girl. Relax. Ride. Journey doesn’t care about anything but you. You do the same for him.” 

 

Lexa did as she was told and felt Journey immediately relax and drop his head. After a few circles he rounded into a nice, steady canter. Lexa scratched his shoulder with one hand. 

 

“Sorry buddy. I’m here now.”

 

“Beautiful. Reverse.” 

 

Lexa circled away from Clarke and reversed directions. 

 

“Good. Shorten your reins a little and drive him forward, he gets lazy. Use more seat than leg. Perfect. Go ahead out on the rail.”

 

Lexa took the rail and as she rounded the first corner she found herself riding straight at Ontari. Etiquette called for riders to pass left shoulder to left shoulder unless someone called otherwise ahead of time, so Lexa guided Journey to the inside track to pass. She looked up to see Ontari smirk and move her mare in the same direction.

 

“Inside!” Ontari yelled loudly even though she was way too close to safely call the pass. Lexa circled Journey hard, narrowly avoiding Ontari’s mare. Journey flipped his head and kicked out in protest of her heavy handed riding. 

 

“Sorry boy.”  She mumbled and patted his neck as she moved back out to the rail. 

 

“Griffin, maybe your new girl doesn’t belong out here with the big kids. She’s going to get someone killed.”

 

“Bullshit Ontari, everyone heard you call that pass late. You’re the one who is going to get someone killed. Do you want the inside or the rail? We’ll happily take the opposite since you want to make your own rules.”

 

“Inside.” Ontari answered curtly, glaring at Lexa as she circled Clarke.

 

“Great. And which fence, left or right, so we can stay out of your way.”

 

“Left.”

 

“Great, Lexa take the rail. Twice around then take the right fence.”

 

Lexa’s heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest at the thought of jumping in front of Ontari, but she didn’t want to question Clarke in front of her either so she just nodded. 

 

Clarke set the fence up about a foot shorter than they would be in the show ring. 

 

“Soft. Everything soft. He’s not like Helios, he will go for you.”

 

She called to Lexa as she approached the fence. Lexa nodded and softened her hold on the reins and took a deep breath to relax her seat. Journey’s ears pricked forward but his pace stayed steady and they flew over the jump. Lexa smiled and patted his neck on the landing. 

 

“Beautiful. Again.” Clarke called as she raised the fence. 

 

Lexa rode around the arena and turned Journey towards the fence again. Ontari saw her and pointed her mare towards the other fence at the same time so they were approaching together. 

 

“Don’t choke, slut.” Ontari growled. 

 

“Not a chance.”

 

Lexa pushed Journey forward with her seat and he lengthened his stride, leaving Ontari’s mare behind easily and soaring over the fence. 

 

“Perfect Lexa! Reverse and come from the other side, same jump.”

 

Lexa smiled at the praise and reversed Journey and jumped the fence again. 

 

“Good girl, ride in.” 

 

Lexa patted Journey vigorously on the neck as she walked over to Clarke who was near the arena gate. 

 

“Good boy! Thank you for putting up with me.”

 

“Lexa that was incredible.”

 

Lexa smiled widely as she dismounted. 

 

“Is your leg better? You didn’t really stretch.” 

 

“That’s because I didn’t have a cramp.”

 

“What? Then why...”

 

“Because you looked like you were going to crawl out of your own skin looking for Ontari. So, I gave you something to do.”

 

“Clarke...”

 

“Don’t get mad at me, it worked. You looked great out there and you were able to confront her without coming apart.”

 

“I’m not mad. I was going to say thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

“Clarke Griffin!” A loud voice called from outside the arenas  Clarke and Lexa looked and saw a tall man in riding clothes walking towards them. 

 

“I thought that was your buckskin out there. Who was riding him?”

 

“Oh hey Ed, I didn’t recognize you for a second. Lexa, my new assistant, was riding him.”

 

“New assistant? Did Raven finally come to her senses and leave you?” 

 

The mans tone was friendly and Clarke laughed as she hugged him when he reached her. 

 

“She’s going back to school. This is my new assistant, Lexa Woods. Lexa, this is Edward McAlester.”

 

Lexa had to concentrate hard to keep her mouth from falling open. Edward McAlester was one of the top riders in the world. He’d ridden on the Olympic team twice. 

 

“Nice to meet you Mr. McAlester.”

 

“The pleasure is mine, please call me Ed. That was some impressive riding out there young lady. Where did Clarke manage to find you?”

 

Lexa blushed at the complement. 

 

“I used to work for Azgeda.”

 

“Nice career move leaving. Nia has no desire to move any rider up other than her daughter, who is talented but lacks the feel that she needs to get her to the top. You on the other hand...where did you learn to ride?”

 

Clarke smiled at how much Lexa was blushing and how hard she was trying to stay cool enough to answer Ed’s questions. 

 

“Hey, I hate to leave but I want to pop Journey over a few fences myself before I ride, so if you’ll excuse me.”

 

“Of course, of course, maybe I can chat Lexa up enough to steal her from you.”

 

Clarke winked at Lexa as she took Journey’s reins and mounted up. 

 

“I learned to ride at a bunch of different places as a kid, and then kept at it during high school at the schools I went to.”

 

“Your equitation is impressive, and so is your feel. Journey requires a light hand that not a lot of riders have. You rode him very nicely.”

 

“Thank you, he was fun to ride.”

 

“Was that your first time riding him?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Even more impressive. Are you planning on showing?”

 

“No, just working for Clarke. She offered me the job and I couldn’t turn it down.”

 

“You’ll learn a lot from her. You should consider showing though, you’re talented. Would you be interested in catch riding for me if I need one at a show sometime? If it doesn’t interfere with your work for Clarke of course. I was kidding about stealing you from her.”

 

“I...umm...”

 

“You don’t have to answer now, I know it will depend on a lot of things, but do you mind if I look you up should the need occur?”

 

“No, not at all. Thank you.”

 

“Of course. It was nice meeting you. I’m sure I’ll see you around at shows. Hopefully eventually I’ll ride against you.”

 

“I don’t know about that, but thank you again. It was nice meeting you too.”

 

He shook her hand and walked back towards the barns. 

 

“Did Edward McAlester just offer for you to catch ride for him?” Raven asked as she came up to stand beside Lexa. 

 

“Yea...”

 

“Holy shit.”

 

“Yea...”

 

“You doing okay over there?”

 

“Yea. Just a little...shocked? Overwhelmed? Flabbergasted?”

 

“You would use the word flabbergasted. That’s awesome though Lexa. Go get your girl though, she’s done with her warm up.”

 

Lexa smiled at the fact that Raven called Clarke hers as she walked over to the gate. She took Journey’s reins and handed Clarke her Gatorade.

 

“How did the rest of the conversation with Ed go?”

 

“He asked if I would consider catch riding for him if he needs it at shows.”

 

“Please tell me you said yes?”

 

“I told him he could look me up and I would consider it.”

 

“Lexa...that’s awesome.”

 

Lexa looked up and saw that Clarke had tears in her eyes. 

 

“Hey, don’t cry.” Lexa said softly as she squeezed Clarke’s knee. 

 

“I’m just happy for you.”

 

“It’s because of you.”

 

“No, it’s not. It’s your talent he noticed, not mine.”

 

“I was on your horse, and you let me ride out there before a big class. Ontari always had me work the horses early or late, and usually in an arena off to the side.”

 

“Because she didn’t want anyone to see you ride. You’re so much better than her, and she knows it. Think about it Lexa, you jumped three fences on Journey and Ed came over to ask about you. How many times do you think he’s seen Ontari ride?”

 

“She...always said I was embarrassing...”

 

“You’re anything but embarrassing babe. You’re really fucking good is what you are. Let me tell you my course, I’m up soon.”

 

“Are you before or after Ontari?”

 

“After, right after.” Clarke grinned.

 

They walked closer to the arena and Clarke went over the course with Lexa. Raven stood off to the side smiling at how much of a team Clarke and Lexa had already become. She was most impressed by the change in Clarke and how much happier and more relaxed she seemed. She had been worried about leaving Clarke and had thought about putting off school for another semester to make sure she found the right person, but since Lexa had shown up she wasn’t worried anymore. 

 

“No one has gone clean yet. The turn to that fourth fence is killing everyone.” Clarke mumbled as watched another rider knock the top rail of the oxer. 

 

“Take it wide, then make up the time after the triple if you’re going to go over the time allowed.” Lexa suggested quietly. 

 

“Good plan.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes really, you dork. Don’t ever be afraid to make suggestions to me. I’ve been doing this for years, but that doesn’t mean that someone else won’t see it differently than me. I want your opinions Lexa.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Ontari’s up.”

 

“I’m surprised her mare is sound again. She must be trying her in this class and saving Reaper for tomorrow if she pulls up lame.”

 

“Probably.”

 

They both turned their attention to the ring as the bell signaling the start of Ontari’s ride went off. 

 

She was abnormally quiet as she rode and the mare easily cleared the first three fences. She turned to the forth and Ontari smacked her with the crop in the stride before the fence. The mare kicked out as she jumped and rubbed the top rail hard, but it stayed up. Lexa groaned. 

 

The rest of Ontari’s ride was fairly uneventful and she went clear within the time allowed. Lexa walked next to Clarke on the way to the in gate. 

 

“I’m not going for fancy, just clean. Let’s give her a jump off.” She smiled down at Lexa as Lexa patted Journey on the shoulder. 

 

“Sounds like a plan, don’t suck.”

 

Clarke laughed as she trotted into the arena. She nodded at Ontari as they passed. Ontari glared at Lexa as she rode out. 

 

“Nice ride.” Lexa said with a forced smile. A look of shock crossed Ontari’s face briefly before she turned her attention to her mother who was yelling. 

 

“Don’t you dare speak to that ungrateful trash!” 

 

Lexa flinched as a few people turned to stare at her. She slipped in to her place on the rail next to Raven as Clarke’s bell went off.

 

“God she’s crazy.” Raven muttered. 

 

“Whatever, I have better things to do.”

 

“Like watch your girl ride?” Raven bumped Lexa with her shoulder. 

 

“Damn right.”

 

They both turned their attention to the arena as Clarke approached the first jump, which the pair cleared easily.  Lexa held her breath as Clarke landed after the third jump and turned much wider than the other riders had to the forth. Her approach was much easier and Journey cleared the fence with room to spare.

 

“Shit, that might put her over time allowed.”

 

“No, she’ll make it up.”

 

Lexa smiled as the rest of Clarke’s ride went smoothly. She turned tight after the triple and crossed the timer a second faster than Ontari had. It didn’t matter because there would still be a jump off, but it made Lexa happy anyways.

 

She walked to the gate and met Clarke who was all smiles.

 

“That was awesome.”

 

“It was, your suggestion was brilliant.”  


“Hopefully no one else uses it to their advantage.”

 

“I’m not sure. That tight turn after the triple was pretty gutsy. We’ll see.”

 

“I knew you could do it though.”

 

“On Journey, yes. Helios might have fought me on that one. Journey is such a giver though.”

 

She patted the buckskin on the neck as she spoke and he reached out and nudged Lexa with his nose. She smiled and scratched his forehead.

 

“Do you want me to walk him so you can watch the last three rides?”

 

“No, since there is going to be at least me and Ontari in the jump off, I’ll just stay up.”

 

Lexa nodded and glanced over to the warmup arena where Ontari was taking her mare over a few fences. Clarke followed her gaze and shook her head.

 

“She’s going to tire her out.”

 

“She thinks it keeps her obedient. The mare is a handful and only tolerates Ontari’s rough riding when she’s tired. I used to ride her for an hour and a half some mornings.”

 

“No wonder she’s off, poor thing.”  


“She’s got a ton of speed if Ontari opens her up, but she can’t turn tight, not for Ontari anyhow. She fights her too much.”

 

“Giving insider knowledge to the competition?”

 

“Absolutely.”

 

“I like it.”

 

“I thought you might.”

 

“I’m going to go walk him around some, I’ll be back in a few. Are you going to watch the other rides?”

 

“Nah, I’ll just be nervous. Besides, the only rider I care to watch is right here.”

 

“There you go, being smooth again.”

 

Clarke shook her head as she headed into the warm up arena. Lexa walked over and leaned against the rail and watched Clarke ride, completely ignoring Ontari.

 

“Are you so afraid to be alone that you’re going to come watch her walk in circles?”

 

Lexa swallowed hard but kept her mouth shut and didn’t acknowledge Ontari’s presence or comment at all, which infuriated her.

 

“Oh, now you won’t even speak to me? You think because you have Clarke now that you’re better than me? I’ll tell everyone who you really are Lexa. How desperate you really are…willing to make out with your own cousin because no one else wants you.”

 

“Fuck you Ontari.” Lexa’s response was quiet, her voice low.

 

“Yea, I’m sure you would. God knows you tried.”

 

“No, you know what, no. That was you!” Lexa’s voice quickly rose to a yell. She hadn’t realized Raven had walked up beside her until she grabbed her wrist.

 

“Don’t Lexa.”

 

“No, she keeps talking about how desperate I was, but it was her! She’s the one who-“

 

“Shh, Lexa…don’t be the one who starts this.”

 

“How is that fair? She started it, she begged-“

 

“Lexa…don’t.” Clarke rode over and jumped off Journey. Raven went over and took his reins and Clarke stepped in front of Lexa, blocking her view of Ontari.

 

“Look at me.”

 

Lexa slowly shifted her gaze from Ontari to Clarke and Clarke could see the dark anger in her eyes. She ran her hand down Lexa’s arm gently.

 

“Don’t start this. She’s doing this on purpose. She wants you to lose it and look crazy. Don’t you dare let her win this.”

 

“Clarke…what she’s saying isn’t fair….I didn’t beg her for anything. She’s the one who-“

 

“I know, babe I know. But listen to me. She’s only saying that stuff quietly enough for you to hear. No one else is going to hear what she is saying unless you repeat it. She doesn’t have the guts to show any of that stuff to anyone because she did it too. Don’t let her keep controlling you. Do you trust me?”

 

“Of course I do…but Clarke…I’m so sick of her saying that shit to me…its not fair.”

 

“It’s not, but this is what she wants. For you to lose it and go off on her somewhere public and accuse her of all kinds of shit, all of which would be true, but will seem outlandish because you will just sudden lose it at her and then she can paint you as the crazy one. Please…walk away from this. I know how mad you are. I know how hurt you are and I know now that you’re finally away from her that you want to just let her have it, but please…don’t. You’ll regret it and she will win.”

 

“What’s the matter? Can’t think without your girlfriend telling you what to say?” Ontari called from the arena.

 

“Why don’t you shut the fuck up Ontari.” Raven growled.

 

“Raven, don’t. Please walk Journey.” Raven nodded tensely and went to walk the big gelding outside of the arena.

 

Lexa gritted her teeth and closed her eyes; she bit the inside of her bottom lip hard in an effort to get control of her anger. Her breathing was ragged and all she wanted to do was let Ontari have it. Years of hurt and anger were coming to the surface and she was having a hard time controlling any of it. A few tears escaped out of the corner of her eyes and Clarke wiped them away with her thumb.

 

“Let me fight this for you.” She whispered and after a moment of hesitation, Lexa opened her eyes and nodded. Clarke smiled and squeezed her hand, glad to see some of the anger was gone from her eyes.

 

“Thank you. Let’s go find my horse. The last rider just went, Ontari and I are the only ones in the jump off.”

 

Clarke kept her hand wrapped around Lexa’s as they walked away from the arena because she knew one wrong statement from Ontari would send the brunette back into a fit of rage.

 

“Aww, look, they’re running away from their problems together.”

 

Lexa tensed but made no other mood to confront Ontari. Clarke sighed; it had been a long day. They called Raven over and Clarke went to mount up. Before she did Lexa pulled her close and kissed her hard. Clarke moaned softly as she pulled back.

 

“I thought only winners got kisses?” She teased and Lexa laughed quietly.

 

“Advanced payment?”  


“Oh no, I still want one after I win. You’ll just have to up your game.”

 

Clarke winked as she stepped up on the mounting block and swung her leg over Journey and settled into the saddle.

 

“I’m going to pop him over the warm up fence real quick, stay with Raven. I’ll be over there for Ontari’s ride.”

 

“You okay?” Raven asked as they walked to the arena rail.

 

“Barely. I’d still like to let her have it, but Clarke is right, it’s what she wants.”

 

“You get so angry, I’ve never seen you like that.”

 

“Years of pent up emotions I guess. I never realized how bad it was until Clarke started pointing it out.”

 

Raven nodded and leaned against the arena rail. Lexa joined her until Clarke rode over, then she went and stood next to Journey as Ontari rode into the arena.

 

“Is it wrong to say I hope she falls?” Lexa asked quietly.

 

“No, but I don’t. I hope she rides well so I can beat her fairly. It’s always more rewarding that way.”

 

“Still would be fun to see her fall.”

 

Clarke laughed quietly and nudged Lexa in the side with the toe of her boot as Ontari headed towards the first fence.

 

Lexa could tell from Ontari’s face that she was all business. She asked her mare for more speed coming off the first fence and the horse rocketed forward.

 

“Shit, she’s asking for a lot of speed early.”

 

“She wants to beat you to piss me off.”

 

In the few strides before the fence Ontari checked her mare hard, and then drove her forward with the crop. The mare jumped, but kicked out on the landing. Ontari ignored it and asked for more speed.

 

“Jesus, she’s going to fight with her the whole course riding like that.”

 

“She won’t go clear if she does.”

 

Lexa held her breath as the mare took the next fence clear. Ontari seemed to settle down, holding the mare back and riding a little more conservatively and Lexa realized what she was doing.

 

“She asked for early speed because she won’t try the tight turns.”

 

Ontari proved Lexa’s point by asking for more speed between two other fences on a straight line, only to pull the mare up right before the fences. The ride was ugly, but she ended up going clean with a decent time. She smiled smugly at Lexa and Clarke as she left the arena.

 

“Beat that, slut.” She muttered.

 

“Don’t even look at her.”

 

“Don’t suck.”

 

“I’ll try not to.”

 

Lexa joined Raven on the rail as Clarke went into the arena.

 

“God that ride was ugly, but it worked. Clarke will have to work to beat that.”

 

“She’ll do just fine.”

 

The bell rang and Clarke turned Journey towards the first fence and asked for speed from the start. Lexa sucked in her breath as they flew over the first fence going way faster than Ontari had bee.

 

“Shit, she’s really going for it.” Raven muttered.

 

Clarke tuned everything out but Journey. She knew the big gelding would do whatever she asked; she also knew he had a big enough jump to take them at a faster speed than she would normally like. She barely asked him to slow before taking the second fence and bent him around her leg in the air, turning sharply to the left as they landed. She checked his speed some since the fence was a tall vertical. He cleared it easily and dug in towards the next fence when she asked for speed again. She waited until the last second before slowing him down going in to the triple, which he took effortlessly.

 

“Good boy, we’ve got this.”

 

After the last fence of the triple she sat up and turned sharply to the right, between two fences and jumping the next fence at an angle, going over it almost diagonally as she aimed for the last two fences on the course.

 

“Holy shit.” Lexa breathed, they were flying.

 

Journey’s ears pricked towards the fence and Clarke let him speed up a little more, trusting him to clear it. He did easily and she smiled; one more fence. She knew better than to let her guard down and she slowed him just a little and really focused him on the fence. He launched over it easily and she leaned forward on his neck, pushing for speed as they crossed the timer.

 

She knew from Lexa’s scream that they had won even before she looked at the time; she was almost five seconds faster than Ontari. She patted Journey’s neck heavily as she let him canter in a circle a few times. The crowd was screaming and on their feet.

 

“And that is why Clarke Griffin is a legend.”

 

She heard the announcer call and laughed; they were only usually so theatrical for the bigger grand prix classes. She slowed Journey to a trot and headed towards the gate where Lexa was already waiting for her. She met Clarke a few steps inside the arena and took one of Journey’s reins as they walked out, the crowd still cheering.

 

“You are fucking incredible.”  


“That was all for you.”

 

Lexa stopped short, tugging on Journey’s rein and stopping him too.

 

“Get your ass down here.”

 

“Lexa, the victory lap is in a minute, and you’re kind of in the middle of the gate way.”

 

“Then hurry up.”

 

“Lexa-“

 

“Now Clarke.”

 

Clarke threw her leg over Journey’s back and hopped down. Her feet had barely hit the ground when Lexa grabbed the front of her jacket and pulled her into a kiss. Clarke groaned as Lexa’s tongue met hers and she wrapped her arms around Lexa’s waist, pulling her closer. Lexa pushed back, pushing Clarke’s back in to Journey’s shoulder as she deepened their kiss, her hand that wasn’t wrapped in Clarke’s jacket moved to her hip and squeezed.

 

Clarke barely registered the sound of the crowd cheering loudly and their very public display of affection; all she could focus on was Lexa and the electric current that seemed to be running between them. The slight burn in her lungs reminded her that she needed air, but she didn’t care. She stepped into Lexa’s space, kissing her back and Lexa finally pulled back and sucked air into her lungs. Clarke leaned forward and pulled Lexa’s lower lip between her teeth before kissing her again, her hand coming up to wrap in Lexa’s hair. Lexa pulled back and used the hand that was still wrapped in Clarke’s jacket to gently push her back.

 

“Did I step up my game enough?” She asked with a smirk, still breathless.

 

“Maybe a little too much. I’m supposed to let go of you and ride after that?”

 

“Yes, because the only thing more fun than watching you kick Ontari’s ass in that class, will be her face during the victory lap.”

 

“Oh, I don’t know, her face right now is pretty amusing.”

 

Lexa looked over and saw Ontari starting at them with a look that was a mixture of disbelief and open hatred. Lexa smiled and wiggled her fingers at Ontari in wave before gently kissing Clarke again. Ontari huffed and turned her mare away.

 

“God that was worth walking away. Thank you for talking me down from that whole fit thing.”

 

“I’ll talk you out of anything if that is how you’re going to kiss me afterwards.”

 

Lexa laughed and smacked Clarke on the shoulder.

 

“Get back on your horse.”

 

“We’ll finish this later.”

 

“Yes, we will.”

 

Clarke grinned as she got back on Journey and headed back into the arena. Lexa joined Raven at the rail.

 

“Well damn. That was intense.”  


“Yea…you’re telling me.”

 

“I’m not sure that was family friendly content.”

 

“Probably not.”

 

“Well expect it all over social media because the crowd was going nuts and people were videoing and taking pictures.”

 

“Oh god, why?”

 

“Don’t you know?”

 

“Know what?”

 

“Oh god…she didn’t tell you…”

 

“Raven…tell me what?”

 

“Clarke has never voluntarily gone public with a relationship before. She’s never confirmed or denied any rumors about her relationships. And she’s never been openly affectionate at a horse show with anyone.”

 

“Wait…she hasn’t?”

 

“No. Never. So that kiss…you’re going to be the talk of the show circuit for a while. The girl who finally tamed wild child Clarke Griffin.”

 

“I…I didn’t want any of that for her…”

 

“She must not care, or she would have told you. Believe me, if she didn’t want you to kiss her at the shows, you would know.”

 

“We talked about it several times this morning, I wasn’t sure if she even wanted to hold hands around here. She said it was fine…”

 

“She really likes you Lexa.”

 

“I really like her too.” 

 

Lexa said softly as she watched Clarke lead the rest of the riders around the arena in the victory lap, followed by an incredibly annoyed looking Ontari. Clarke blew her a kiss as she rode by, which made the crowd scream and Ontari roll her eyes and ride out of the arena early. Lexa laughed and waved at her when she looked over. 

 

“Oh lord, you’re just antagonizing her.”

 

“Maybe. But I don’t care. She deserves it.”

 

Lexa walked over to the arena and waited for Clarke to be done. She took Journey’s reins as she fell into step next to them. 

 

“I think that’s been one of my favorite wins.” Clarke said with a smile as they headed back to the barn. 

 

“It wasn’t even that big of a class though.”

 

“Doesn’t matter. I had an amazing ride, Journey was on his A game the whole time. I think he’s ready for the Grand Prix ring, so that’s awesome. And there was the added benefit of beating Ontari. It’s always been fun beating her, but...now that I know what she’s done to you, it’s a totally different feeling.”

 

Lexa blushed and looked down at the ground as she walked. Clarke reached out and nudged her with the toe of her boot. 

 

“You’re cute when you’re shy.”

 

“Not really shy, I just...don’t know how to put a response in to words.”

 

“You don’t always have to respond.”

 

“I know...you just...you do so much for me.”

 

“Lexa, I don’t do anything for you expecting something in return.”

 

“I know that. I just feel so...inadequate sometimes I guess. It’s nothing you’re doing, you’re amazing. I’m just a mess.”

 

“Well you’re my mess, so hush.”

 

Lexa laughed and let go of Journey’s reins as they got to the barn area. Two girls giggling and riding bareback on a pony trotted past them as they walked. 

 

“Man I miss those days sometimes.” 

 

Clarke said wistfully as she watched the girls ride down the barn aisle. 

 

“I never got to do any of that, but it looks like fun.”

 

“You never rode double bareback with a friend?”

 

“No, my friends weren’t in to horses when I was little. And I didn’t go to shows. I’ve ridden bareback, but for lessons and stuff, not like that.”

 

“Oh that’s not allowed. Come on.”

 

“What are you doing?” 

 

Lexa asked as they got to their barn aisle and Clarke dismounted. She pulled Journey’s saddle and pad and went in the tack room, returning a few minutes later with a bareback pad and Lexa’s helmet. 

 

“Put your helmet on.”

 

She instructed as she handed it to Lexa then put the bareback pad on Journey. 

 

“Clarke...we don’t need to do this. It’s really okay.”

 

“Yes we do, and no it’s not. It’s like a horsey right of passage. You can’t miss out. Get on.”

 

“Clarke...we’re going to look ridiculous.”

 

“Won’t be the first time I’ve looked ridiculous, certainly won’t be the last. Get on the damn horse Lexa.”

 

“How do I let you talk me in to things?”

 

Lexa mumbled as she stepped up on the mounting block and swung her leg over Journey’s back. 

 

“Because despite your protest, you’re excited. Don’t lie.” 

 

Clarke whispered as she got on Journey behind Lexa and scooted close, wrapping one arm around Lexa’s waist and taking the reins in the other. 

 

“Well I’m definitely okay with you holding me like this, so there’s that.” 

 

Clarke chuckled and cued Journey to walk. 

 

“It feels weird to be riding but not be in control.” 

 

Lexa muttered as she leaned in to Clarke. Clarke sighed, content to just have Lexa in her arms. It had been a long, emotional day and she just wanted a moment of peace. She steered Journey past the barns and out towards the far end of the parking lot. 

 

“Where are we going?”

 

“Away for a few minutes.”

 

“You okay?”

 

“Yea, I just want away from everything for a little bit. I just want to be with you and not worry about anything else.”

 

“Thanks for this, you’re right, it’s fun.”

 

“Want to try canter? Journey’s trot is too big to try the trot, we’d probably both end up on the ground, but he has a nice canter.”

 

“Sure, why not.”

 

Clarke let go of Lexa’s waist to take the reins in both hands. 

 

“Hang on to his mane if you need to, and let me know if you’re going to slip.”

 

Lexa nodded and Clarke asked Journey for the canter. He obediently stepped into it. For a few strides nothing went well. Lexa and Clarke weren’t moving together at all and made each other unbalanced. 

 

“Oh my god, we can do this. Move with me.”

 

Clarke laughed as she put both reins in one hand and wrapped her arm around Lexa’s waist again, pulling her close. Lexa barely held back a groan at the feeling of Clarke’s hips moving against her, but it did make it easier for them to both find the same rhythm and within a few strides they were moving together and back in balance. 

 

Lexa laughed out loud and the sound was so infectious Clarke had to laugh with her. 

 

“You ready?” She asked, leaning close to Lexa’s ear. 

 

“For what?”

 

“For this.” 

 

She asked Journey for more speed and Lexa squealed then laughed again as she held her arms out to the side like she was flying. 

 

Clarke smiled and held on to her waist tighter, only slowing Journey down when they came to the very end of the parking lot. 

 

“That was amazing!” Lexa exclaimed breathlessly as Journey came down to a walk. 

 

“I told you it was fun.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome. I’ve never heard you laugh like that, I like it.”

 

“I haven’t had a reason to laugh like that in a long time.” 

 

“Well I’m glad I can give you one.”

 

“Clarke...you have no idea how happy I am when I’m with you.” 

 

“You make me happy too Lexa...really happy.”

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

“Anything.”

 

“Raven said you’ve never gone public with any of your relationships before.”

 

“No, I haven’t. I’ve never confirmed or denied any rumors about who I was dating, true or not.”

 

“She also said you were never publicly affectionate with anyone at shows.”

 

“Also true.”

 

“Why now? Why me?”

 

“Anyone else I’ve gone out with recently always felt like...I was some kind of prize to be won. They’d hear all the rumors about me and that’s all they were interested in. We’d go on dates and they would spend most of the time asking which rumors were true and which weren’t. I was some sort of conquest. Once they figured out I wasn’t easy to get in bed, they’d move on. They had no interest in me, only who they thought I was.

 

It’s never been like that with you. From the start you never assumed you knew me. You even admitted your assumptions were wrong. You asked for my side of things. No one has ever done that.”

 

“Well, that’s their loss. And as much as it sucks that you had to go through all of that, I’m kind of glad, because it means you’re mine now.”

 

“Mhmm. But that’s why now, and why you. Because you’re different.”

 

“I’m glad, those other idiots didn’t deserve you. Not that I do, but-“

 

“Shhhh. Yes you do.”

 

“Clarke-“

 

“Shhhhh.”

 

“I was going to say thank you.”

 

“Oh. Well in that case, you’re welcome.”

 

“We should head back and get going to GreenBriar.”

 

“I know.”

 

“This is not the way to the barn.”

 

“I know that too.”

 

“Okay.” 

 

Lexa squeezed Clarke’s arm that was wrapped around her waist. 

 

“Take the reins.” Clarke whispered.

 

Lexa did and Clarke wrapped her other arm around Lexa and rested her head on the back of her shoulder. 

 

“Better?” 

 

“Mhmm.” 

 

Clarke sighed and closed her eyes, letting herself finally relax. She’d spent most of the day worried about either Ontari and Nia, or her rides. Between the closeness of Lexa and the rhythmic swing of Journey’s walk, she swore she could fall asleep. She felt Lexa change Journey’s direction. 

 

“You’re taking us back to the barn, aren’t you?”

 

“Yea, we should get to GreenBriar, I’m sure Monty knows you’re done showing.”

 

“He does, I text him. It’s fine to head back, I’m just enjoying this.”

 

“Me too, but reality waits.”

 

“After tomorrow we can hide from it for a little while.”

 

“I know, I’m looking forward to it.”

 

“Does that mean you’ll come live at Arkadia?”

 

“Yea.”

 

“Good, I was hoping you would say yes.”

 

“Can I be honest without sounding super clingy?”

 

“You’re asking the girl who is currently wrapped around you and using you as a pillow? Yes, I think you can.”

 

“If you meant what you said about staying with you in the house...I’d say yes to that too.”

 

“Of course I meant it. And if you want to, I’d love for you too, but I didn’t want to be pushy or over bearing.”

 

“You’ve never been pushy Clarke. I just feel ridiculous but...I don’t know that I’d like being there but not with you.”

 

“Then I’m ridiculous too because I wouldn’t like it either.” 

 

Lexa laughed softly and they rode the rest of the way to Arkadia’s barn in comfortable silence. 

 

“Oh good lord, you two are too much.” Raven teased as they rode up.

 

“Jealous?” Clarke laughed as she rested her chin on Lexa’s shoulder. 

 

“No, but that would be a cute picture. Give me your phone.”

 

Clarke tossed Raven her phone and wrapped her arms back around Lexa’s waist. 

 

“You guys are so damn cute it’s ridiculous.” 

 

Raven laughed as she took a few pictures. 

 

“Lexa is adorable, me not so much.”

 

“Shut up.” Lexa laughed as Clarke swung her leg over Journey’s back and hopped down to the ground. Lexa followed and unhooked her helmet, shaking her head and running her finger through her hair to get it unstuck from the top of her head. 

 

She looked over to find Clarke staring at her as Raven took Journey to his stall. 

 

“Why are you staring?”

 

“That’s really attractive.”

 

“Helmet hair? Yes, oh so sexy.”

 

“No, but what you look like now. Jesus Christ you look like you walked out of a photo shoot.”

 

Lexa blushed and went to pull her hair back when Clarke caught her wrist. 

 

“No, leave it. I like it down.”

 

“It drives me crazy.”

 

“Me too, but not in the same way I don’t think.”

 

“Hm. Well, then play fair.”

 

Lexa reached out and unhooked Clarke’s helmet and pulled it off her head. She moved around the back of her and pulled out the pins, barrette, and hair net then ran her fingers through Clarke’s hair. 

 

Clarke’s breath caught in her throat as Lexa moved around her and she moaned softly when she ran her fingers through her hair. Lexa smiled and moved back around in front of Clarke, reaching up past her face to run her fingers through the front of her hair, causing some of it to fall in front of her face. 

 

“I know you don’t think so, but you’re so pretty.” Lexa whispered as she tucked a piece of hair behind Clarke’s ear and then stepped back. Clarke caught her hand as she did and pulled her back close. 

 

“Thanks. We probably should’ve just left our helmets on since we have to ride the mare anyhow.”

 

“It’s fine, my head gets itchy, I wanted it off.”

 

“True. You ready to go?”

 

“Yea, is Raven coming?”

 

“I don’t know. Raven? Do you want to come check out the GreenBriar mare?”

 

Raven came out of Journey’s stall carrying his bridle and bareback pad. 

 

“Actually, if you don’t need me, I was going to see if Luna was done early and could go out?”

 

“No, it’s fine. Go hang out with her.”

 

“Are you sure? I’m not bailing on you Clarke, I’ll go if you want me to.”

 

“I know you’re not bailing. After this weekend you won’t be here anyhow. You’ve done so much for me over the years. Go have fun. Are you going to keep in touch with Luna when you go back to school?”

 

“We need to talk about it. I was hoping to do that tonight. I want to...I really like her. But I’m not sure she’ll want to do long distance.”

 

“If she knows what she’s got in you she will.”

 

“Thanks Clarke. You sure you don’t mind?”

 

“Not at all. Go. Have fun. Just remember tomorrow night you’re all mine.” 

 

“For sure. Thanks.”

 

Raven smiled and went to the tack room to put things away before heading out. Clarke and Lexa walked towards the GreenBriar barn, still holding hands. 

 

“What’s tomorrow night?” Lexa asked as they walked. 

 

“Raven’s going away dinner. Can you keep a secret?”

 

“Yes, of course.”

 

“I paid off her first years tuition as a thank you present for everything she’s done for me over the years.”

 

“Wow...Clarke that’s incredible. I’m sure she’ll flip out.”

 

“She’ll probably get mad, then cry. She’s just...so far she’s been the one constant in my life. She always has my back. I don’t think I let her know enough how much I appreciate her.” 

 

“She seems like an amazing friend.”

 

“She is. I’m lucky.”

 

“You’re an amazing friend to her too Clarke. Where are you guys going to dinner?”

 

“The Chart House at the golden nugget. She loves seafood and they have some really good stuff there. Plus there is a huge tank you eat next to. It’s gorgeous.”

 

“Sounds like it, I’m sure you guys will have a great time.” 

 

“You say that like you’re not going to be there.”

 

“I...assumed it was just going to be you and Raven?”

 

“No. Luna is coming, so are you.”

 

“I didn’t want to assume I was invited.”

 

“Of course you are.” Clarke squeezed her hand as they walked up to the GreenBriar tack room. 

 

“Monty? We’re here.”

 

“Coming!”

 

A few seconds later an Asian man with short, thick black hair and soft brown eyes ducked out of the tack room. 

 

“Clarke, thanks for coming.” He said warmly as they shook hands. 

 

“This is Lexa Woods, my new assistant. Lexa, this is Monty Green.”

 

“Nice to meet you Mr. Green.” Lexa said with a smile as they shook hands.

 

“You too, but please just call me Monty. The mare is in the crosstie stall if you want to look her over before taking her out, go right ahead.”

 

Clarke nodded and walked into the crosstie stall a few feet away. 

 

“Well hello gorgeous.” She said softly to the mare as she ducked under one of the cross ties to get closer to her. Lexa walked over to the doorway. 

 

“Oh wow...Clarke she’s stunning.”

 

The mare was jet black with four almost perfectly even white stockings that ended just below her knees. She had a white star in the middle of her forehead and a white snip on the tip of her nose. She was tall, probably 17 hands, and built perfectly for jumping; not too bulky, not too lanky. Her face was proportionate to her body, but delicate and feminine looking. 

 

She pricked her ears at the sound of Lexa’s voice and wuffled at her, reaching her nose out to say hello. 

 

“Well hello there, aren’t you stunning?” Lexa cooed as she stepped forward and held out her hand. The mare sniffed it, then pushed her nose into Lexa’s hand as though she were looking for a treat. 

 

“Sorry pretty girl, I don’t have anything.”

 

Lexa scratched the white spot on her forehead and the mare bobbed her head up and down. 

 

“Wow. I’m impressed already. She doesn’t typically show anything that could be considered affection.”

 

At the sound of Monty’s voice, the mare jerked her head up and pinned her ears slightly.

 

Clarke was running her hands over the mare’s legs and looking at her feet. 

 

“She’s beautiful Monty.”

 

“I know, it’s a damn shame she’s completely crazy. She’d be one hell of a broodmare eventually.”

 

“What’s her name?” Lexa asked. 

 

“Well, depends on who you ask. Most people at the barn have just started calling her the bitch. Her registered name is Tell Me a Story, her barn name is Saga.”

 

“Saga, I like it. It fits her.”

 

“We’ll see what you think after you watch her go. I know Clarke likes challenging horses, but she may have met her match with this mare.”

 

“We shall see. Let’s take her out. I know there isn’t anywhere to free jump here, but I’d like to see her lunge over a few fences to see how she jumps without a rider.”

 

“Sure thing.”

 

Monty unclipped the mare and they walked out to one of the far warmup arenas. The mare was beautifully behaved; she looked around attentively but didn’t spook at or seem bothered by anything. 

 

“How old is she?”

 

“Five.”

 

“And how long has she been having this issue?”

 

“About a year. I’ve tried everything. Vets, chiropractors, dentists, a few months off, calming supplements, different bits, different saddles, different riders. I can’t figure her out. So, I figure maybe it’s time someone else tries. I’m being really up front with her issues, I want her to go to a good home.”

 

“I know you do Monty, I’ve always respected that about you.”

 

“She’ll be a hard sell. And if I can’t sell her she’ll stay with me, but I’m hoping someone clicks with her in the way I can’t because she is so talented.”

 

Lexa had been quietly listening to the conversation while watching Saga walk. She moved with a quiet confidence, her muscles rippled like water underneath her velvety coat. If her walk was anything to go on, she moved like a dream. Clarke saw her staring and smiled. 

 

“I know that look.” She whispered. 

 

“What look?”

 

“The look you’re giving that mare. You like her already. Something clicked with you.”

 

“I...she’s stunning.”

 

“Yea but it’s more than that. I felt it with Helios. You can’t quite put a finger on it but for some reason she’s special.”

 

“Maybe...”

 

“We’ll see how she goes. If she’s fixable, and you want her, she’s yours.”

 

“Clarke...”

 

“Shhh. Later.”

 

“No later, you are not buying me a horse.”

 

“Hush.”

 

Lexa glared sideways at Clarke as they walked into the arena. Clarke just smiled and squeezed her hand. Monty already had the arena set up with a few jumps, as well as one set up to lunge over. Lexa and Clarke leaned against the rail as Monty started lunging the mare to warm her up. 

 

He let her walk for a few minutes in each direction before asking for the trot. 

 

“Oh wow.” 

 

Clarke said softly as the mare stepped in to an elegant trot; her feet seemed to hardly touch the ground. Her canter was equally as nice and after she was warmed up Monty moved the circle he was lunging in so the jump was in her path. 

 

The mare’s ears instantly pricked forward as soon as she saw that she was expected to jump. She kept a steady pace and cleared the low jump like it wasn’t even there. 

 

“I’ll stop her, can you raise the fence?” Monty called. 

 

“Sure. How high does she jump?”

 

“With a rider, about four feet, but she’s free jumped Grand Prix fences so go ahead and set it high.”

 

Clarke and Lexa quickly adjusted the fence and stepped back. The mare was just as enthusiastic headed towards the bigger fence. She picked up her speed a little and then launched herself in the air. 

 

Her form took Clarke’s breath away; she rounded through the back, tucked her knees up really high and practically tucked her nose between them. 

 

“Holy shit, did you see that form? She could be a hunter with that form?” 

 

“Yea, she’s pretty impressive.” Lexa smiled. 

 

“Oh don’t you hold back because you feel like I’m going to buy her if you like her.” 

 

“Clarke...I’m not letting you buy me a horse.”

 

“Stop Clarke-ing me. I want your opinion. Your honest opinion, crazy gut instinct and all. Don’t you dare hold back on me.”

 

“Ugh...she’s gorgeous. You can see that yourself.”

 

The mare circled around and jumped the jump again, still with perfect form. Monty reversed her and she jumped just as nice the other way. 

 

Clarke watched Lexa more than she watched the mare. She could tell the girl felt some sort of connection with the mare but was holding back because she didn’t want Clarke to buy the horse just for her. 

 

“Alright Monty, she’s pretty damn impressive.”

 

“She is. It’s devastating that she has the issues that she does. Do you want me to get up on her first or you?”

 

“You go ahead.”

 

Monty nodded and led the mare over to the mounting block. She stood quietly for Monty to mount and was well behaved under saddle for all three gaits. 

 

Month turned and pointed her at the fence and her whole demeanor changed. When she was jumping without a rider she had seemed excited about the fences. With Monty riding she started swiveling her ears around and tossing her head up and down. She went over the fence for him, but was very reluctant and awkward. Lexa’s eyebrows furrowed as she watched. 

 

“What are you thinking?” Clarke asked quietly. 

 

“I’m not sure yet.”

 

Monty turned the mare towards the next fence and she had the same reaction except she went a step further and actually stopped. 

 

Monty lengthened his reins and gently urged her forward but she stepped backwards a few steps instead. He urged her forward again and she reared about half way up before coming back down. 

 

“Okay, let’s give her a break. I don’t want to frustrate her.” Clarke called and Monty nodded. He pointed her away from the jump and she happily went forward. 

 

“It’s like...she’s fighting just because she wants to.” Lexa said quietly, more to herself than anyone else. 

 

“Well, let’s see how she does with me.”

 

Clarke piled her hair on top of her head and shoved her helmet on.

 

“Can I try her Monty?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Monty dismounted and held the mare while Clarke got on. The mare was perfect again on the flat for all three gaits but got fussy and grumpy when Clarke pointed her at the fence.

 

“Come on girl, you love jumping. I can see it on your face when you do it. Let’s go.”

 

Clarke made sure to keep her hands and legs soft, urging the mare forward with her seat and voice more than anything else. She jumped the fence; it wasn’t beautiful or correct but she went over it. 

 

“Good girl!” Clarke leaned forward and scratched both sides of the mares neck. She arched her neck and leaned in to the praise, bobbing her head slightly. 

 

“Oh did I find a good spot?” Clarke laughed as she scratched closer to her withers and Saga wiggled her top lip. 

 

“Let’s see if we can do that again huh?”

 

Clarke cantered the mare in a few circles then pointed her at the fence again. Her ears pricked forward for a second then swiveled out to the sides. 

 

“Come on, you know you want to do this.”

 

Saga flicked her ears back and forth listening to Clarke but Clarke could feel her starting to hesitate and lose momentum. She gentle urged her forward, making sure she had plenty of rein. Her ears flicked forward again before she slid to a stop about six strides away from the fence. 

 

Clarke turned her in a circle and asked for canter, which she happily stepped in to until they headed at the fence again. She stopped and baby reared, popping her front feet off the ground a few feet before coming back down. 

 

“Enough of that, you don’t even have a reason to do it.”

 

Clarke turned the mare in another circle then cantered a few times around the arena until she was relaxed. She waited until she was closer to the fence again before turning towards it. 

 

Saga jumped the fence again, but unhappily and kicked out on the landing. Clarke praised her anyways and slowed her to a walk. 

 

“Lexa? Can you get on her? I’d like to watch her with a new rider.”

 

“Sure.”

 

Lexa put her helmet on and walked over as Clarke dismounted. Saga turned her head and wuffled at Lexa as she walked up, reaching her nose towards her.

 

“Hey pretty girl. Let’s see how this goes huh?” Lexa said softly as she reached out and scratched her nose before mounting. 

 

“Looks like the feelings are mutual between you two.” 

 

Clarke said with a smile as she gave Lexa a leg up into the saddle. She put her hand on Lexa’s thigh as she adjusted her irons. 

 

“Be careful ok? Not that you’re not a good rider, but she’s flipped over on people so just...don’t get hurt.”

 

Lexa smiled and squeezed her hand briefly. 

 

“I’ll be okay. I’ll be careful. Can I try something a little...different?”

 

“Sure, go for it.”

 

Lexa nodded and asked Saga to walk. She picked up the reins but held them close to the buckle, not shortening them at all. 

 

She let the mare walk around for a while before asking for the trot, still with no contact in the reins. When she was relaxed at the trot she asked for the canter. 

 

“Good girl.” 

 

She ran her hand over Saga’s shoulder when she stepped into the canter nicely with no contact from the reins. The mare carried herself well, staying round and forward just from the cues from Lexa’s seat and legs. 

 

“Can you change that one fence to a cross rail?” 

 

She called out to Clarke as she rode past. Clarke nodded and made the change then stepped back to watch. 

 

Lexa pointed Saga at the crossrail, still not touching the reins. The mare ears pricked forward and she happily cantered over it without breaking her stride. 

 

“Good girl!”

 

Lexa heavily praised her and circled around towards the jump again. She had the same results three times each direction, each time she lavishly praised the mare. 

 

She slowed her to a walk and circled around Clarke. 

 

“So that was improvement, what are you thinking?” 

 

Clarke asked as Lexa rode around her. 

 

“Im not sure yet, but I think she just wants a fight. So, I won’t give her one. But it’s just a cross rail. We’ll see about the bigger fences.”

 

“Please be careful jumping bigger with no reins like that. You’re going to give me a heart attack.”

 

“I’m fine Clarke, you’re being over protective. And it’s cute.”

 

Clarke rolled her eyes and smiled as Lexa headed back out on the rail and asked for canter again. There were bigger fences set up in the middle of the arena. They were only about three feet, but big enough to bring out the mare’s issue. 

 

Lexa turned Saga towards the fences and smiled when her ears went forward. A few strides later and she felt the mare start to hesitate, her ears swiveling around and her pace slowing. 

 

“It’s up to you. Are we going or not?”

 

Lexa sat still, not urging the mare forward or correcting her at all. Saga’s ears turned back to the sound of her voice and stayed there. Her pace slowed, but stayed steady. 

 

“I’m with you if we’re going, but I won’t fight you.”

 

Saga jumped the fence and Lexa grabbed mane with one hand to avoid making any contact at all with the mares mouth. 

 

“Yes, Good girl.” 

 

She patted her on the neck and circled her back towards the fence. Saga’s ears stayed forward until she was a few strides from the fence and she slid to a stop. She just stood there, her ears swiveling around and Lexa waited, still not touching the reins. 

 

The mare backed up a few steps and then reared to almost her full height, striking out with her front feet as she did. 

 

Lexa leaned forward, shifting her weight onto Saga’s neck in the hopes of bringing her down.  She wrapped her hands half way around her neck so she was ready to swing out and away if she had to jump off, but Saga decided to come back down rather than flip over. She landed and pawed at the ground a few times before reading again; this time it was only half way and she stood still once she came back down. 

 

“Are you done?” 

 

Lexa asked quietly. Saga turned back and sniffed at the toe of Lexa boot. Lexa laughed and poked her in the nose with it before asking for the canter again. 

 

“Are you trying to kill me?”

 

She heard Clarke call across the arena. She just smiled and shook her head as she let Saga canter a few times around the arena before pointing at the fences again. This time her ears went forward and stayed there and she jumped the fence like she was happy to do so; clearing it easily. 

 

“See, not so bad huh? Good girl.”

 

Lexa scratched both sides of her neck before riding over to Clarke and Monty.

 

“Well that was impressive riding. Where did Clarke find you?” 

 

Monty asked as Lexa rode up. 

 

“Thank you. I used to work for Azgeda.”

 

“Ah. Good move, I’m sure you’ll go much further with Clarke.”

 

“I’m sure I will too. Thanks for letting me ride her, she’s a talented horse.”

 

“Thank you. She likes you more than she does most people, and no one has gotten her over a fence that big in a long time.”

 

Lexa smiled at the praise as she dismounted and handed Month the reins. 

 

“Let us talk about her Monty, I’ll get back to you before the end of the day tomorrow either way.”

 

“Of course. If you’re interested, just make me an offer. I’m obviously going to take less than what she’s worth because of her issues. I’d love for her to go with you two, I know she’d have a great home.”

 

“We’ll be in touch. Thanks again.”

 

They shook hands and Lexa patted Saga on the shoulder before they walked back towards Arkadia’s barn. 

 

“I thought she was going to flip with you for a second there.” 

 

Clarke said once they were away from the arena. 

 

“You and me both.”

 

“That was impressive riding.”

 

“Thanks. She’s so good, it’s such a shame she has that issue...”

 

“I’m a scale of one to ten, how much are you in love with that mare?”

 

“Clarke, that doesn’t matter. What matters is if you think she’s worth the risk and if you think she can be fixed.”

 

“Of course it matters. Connections with horses are what it’s all about, at least for me. She might be hard to fix, but if you feel like there is a special connection there, that may make all the difference.”

 

Clarke reached for Lexa’s hand after she’d been quiet almost the entire way back to their barn and was surprised when the other girl moved away. 

 

“I don’t think I can do this Clarke.” She said quietly, her voice shaky. Clarke’s heart stopped and her stomach dropped as she unlocked the tack room door and walked inside. Her mind was reeling as she turned to face Lexa, trying to keep her emotions under control. 

 

“What...” was all she could manage to get out before her voice cracked. Lexa looked up and was shocked to find Clarke’s eyes blurry with tears; then she realized what Clarke was thinking. 

 

“Clarke. No, babe no. Not what you’re thinking. I didn’t mean us. God I’m sorry.”

 

She reached out and pulled Clarke close, wrapping her arms around her waist and burying her face in her neck. Clarke let out a shaky sigh as she wrapped her arms around Lexa’s shoulders. 

 

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think about how that could sound like a million other things. I didn’t mean us at all. I wouldn’t do that to you. We’re fine. I promise.” Lexa continued. 

 

Clarke closed her eyes and buried her face in Lexa’s hair, willing her heart and thoughts to stop racing. She knew Lexa shouldn’t mean so much already. The thought of losing her shouldn’t send her into a full blown panic so quickly; but it did. She’d never felt a connection with anyone the way she did with Lexa. It was the type of connection she wasn’t even sure existed until Lexa had walked in to her life. 

 

“God you shouldn’t mean so much already.” She murmured without really thinking. 

 

“I know. You shouldn’t either, but you do.”

 

Lexa kissed the side of Clarke’s neck softly, smiling at the quiet moan it drew out of the other girl. She left a trail of kisses up the side of her neck and a few along her jawline before pulling back to look at her. 

 

“Well don’t stop there.” Clarke whispered, her eyes sparkling. 

 

“No?”

 

“No.” 

 

Lexa smiled and kissed her forehead gently. 

 

“How about there.”

 

“No.”

 

“Hmm, what about here.” She whispered as she kissed along her collarbone, gently scraping her teeth along the skin as she went. 

 

“God you know that drives me crazy, but no.”

 

“What is it that you want, Clarke?” 

 

She asked playfully as she ran her thumb across Clarke’s cheek. 

 

“You know what I want Lexa.” 

 

“Hm, I don’t think I do.” 

 

Clarke ran her hands down Lexa’s sides and let them rest on her hips, squeezing softly. 

 

“Kiss me dammit.” Her voice was low and raspy. Lexa grinned. 

 

“I have been.”

 

“Not the way I want you to.”

 

“No?”

 

“No...god you drive me crazy woman.” 

 

Clarke laughed as she pulled Lexa closer and kissed her. Lexa sighed as their lips met; she wasn’t sure she’d ever get used what it felt like when Clarke kissed her. 

 

“I’m sorry.” She whispered as the kiss ended. 

 

“Clearly I forgive you. I’m sorry I freaked out...just...when I thought you meant us...”

 

“No. I don’t. Not even a little. I swear Clarke, if there’s ever a problem I will talk to you. I won’t just end it or walk away.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Of course.” 

 

“You ready to get out of here? Let’s go get your number changed and go back to the room or watch the fountains or something.”

 

“Sounds great.”

 

They checked the horses one last time and locked everything up before heading to the car. 

 

“So what were you talking about when you said you don’t think you can do this?”

 

Clarke asked as they got in the car. 

 

“Saga. Or just...making decisions with you about your barn in general I guess. I mean...what if I tell you I’ve never connected with a horse like that before. And I really feel like I can fix her....and I’m wrong? You’ll spend all this money and time on her for what? I just...I’m afraid I’m going to screw everything up. And I don’t want to do that to you. I don’t know what I’m doing enough to make those kind of decisions, or to help you make them. Someone else would be better for this job.”

 

Lexa looked down at her lap as she spoke, fighting hard to keep her tears in check. She knew when Clarke offered her the job that it was too good to be true. Clarke needed someone with more experience than she had. 

 

“No one else would be better for the job.”

 

“Anyone else would be.”

 

“Lexa...no one else would care like that. Don’t you hear what you just said? All you’re worried about is screwing things up for me. Almost everyone in this industry is in it for themselves. They don’t give a damn about anyone else. If I hired someone else, they wouldn’t admit their own doubts. They would be more than happy to just tell me to take a risk on that mare and if I fail, then so what. It’s not their money. And if it works, then they get some of the credit and recognition that would come from her doing well. I don’t want that. I want someone who is in this because they love it like I do. You’re perfect for this job Lexa.”

 

“I’m sure you could find someone else that has more experience than I do.”

 

“I don’t want to find someone else. I found who I want.”

 

“But what if I’m wrong?”

 

“Everyone is wrong sometimes. All I want is for you to be honest with me. Don’t try to filter what you think or feel based on being afraid of being wrong. If I didn’t want your opinion, I wouldn’t ask for it. You’re talented Lexa, so much more than you realize. Just...learn to trust your instincts. I’m really excited to get you away from Azgeda and into a supportive environment. You’re going to be amazing.”

 

“Why does this scare me so much?”

 

“Because you care. And that’s why you’re perfect. Don’t stress out over it so much. I promise I’ll never be mad at you if something doesn’t work out. I know the risks I take. Sometimes they pay off and sometimes they don’t. All I’m asking for is your opinion and feelings.”

 

“Okay...I’ll try.”

 

“Thank you. We’re going to be good at this together, just give it a chance. Did you really mean what you said about Saga?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Okay. I’m going to make Monty an offer then because I think we can fix her too. Well, I think you can fix her, but I’ll help.”

 

Clarke reached across the console for Lexa’s hand and smiled when Lexa laced their fingers together and squeezed her hand. 

 

“I know it’s been a lot of change and drama and emotions the past week. Just hang in there, okay? It will get better.”

 

“It already is better Clarke, I have you.”

 

Clarke swore she could literally feel her heart melt. She briefly wondered how in the world Lexa had been able to get under her skin so quickly before pushing the thought aside because she didn’t really care. 

 

Lexa blushed and looked down at her lap; she didn’t understand how Clarke had become so important so fast. All she knew is she hadn’t had anyone treat her the way Clarke did in a long time. She’d been with Nia and Ontari for so long that she’d grown numb to the way they treated her. It had become common in her every day life and now that she was away from it, even though it hadn’t been for long, she was starting to realize how horrible it had been and couldn’t believe she hadn’t left sooner. 

 

“What are you thinking about?” Clarke asked quietly. 

 

“Nothing important.”

 

“You know you can talk to me, right?”

 

“Of course. I just feel like all we’ve done is deal with drama. I’ll talk about it, just not right now?”

 

“Whenever you want.”

 

Lexa smiled and ran her thumb over the back of Clarke’s hand as she closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the headset, content to just sit in silence with Clarke for a while.

 


	9. Chapter 9

Lexa flopped down on the bed in the hotel room on her back and sighed. 

 

“God this feels like heaven.”

 

She closed her eyes and felt the bed shift as Clarke crawled in next to her. She smiled as Clarke laid down with her upper body draped across her, her head resting on Lexa’s chest. Lexa draped her arms across Clarke’s back, running the fingers of one hand idly through her hair. 

 

“This is all I’ve wanted to do all day.” 

 

“To lay on me?”

 

“Just be with you. Is this okay? I can move if you want me to.”

 

“Don’t you dare. I like you here.”

 

“Good, because I really didn’t want to move.”

 

Clarke whispered and softly kissed the front of Lexa’s neck where it met her chest. Lexa made a quiet humming noise in the back of her throat and tilted her head back.

 

“Does that mean you want more?” Clarke teased, swirling her tongue over the place she’d just kissed. 

 

“Mhmm.”

 

Clarke smirked and kissed up the side of Lexa’s neck slowly, leaving a trail with her tongue and teeth as she went. She felt Lexa sigh and practically melt underneath her as her fingers softly trailed down Clarke’s back and worked their way under her shirt, her fingernails dragging lightly over the skin on her back as she moved her hands back up to Clarke’s shoulders. 

 

“God that feels good.” Lexa whispered as her fingers dug into Clarke’s shoulders.

 

Clarke smiled against her skin as she placed one last soft kiss near her collar bone before snuggling her face back in to Lexa’s neck.

 

Lexa closed her eyes and ran one hand slowly up and down the middle of Clarke’s back, smiling when she felt the blonde relax further in to her. 

 

“Hmm, you’re going to put me to sleep if you keep doing that.”

 

“Go ahead and sleep, I don’t mind.”

 

“We were supposed to go watch the fountains.”

 

“If you’d rather sleep it’s fine.”

 

“No, I want to spend time with you, not just sleep on you.”

 

“We’ve been together all day Clarke.”

 

“You know what I mean Lex.”

 

Clarke felt Lexa flinch at the use of the nickname and she sat up so she could look at her. Lexa reached for her shirt, pulling her close again. 

 

“Don’t get up.”

 

“What’s wrong. You didn’t like being called Lex, I’m sorry. It just came out.”

 

“It’s ok, there’s no way you could know. I hate being called Lex. It’s what Ontari called me that summer...I thought it meant we were close. No one has ever really called me by a nickname before. Now it just makes me feel...dirty again.”

 

Clarke curled into Lexa’s side, draping her arm across her waist and her knee over Lexa’s thigh. 

 

“You were never dirty. God what happened to you still makes me sick...and so mad. I won’t call you that again, I promise. I’d like to shove your old phone up Nia’s ass when we give it back to her. Are you sure you don’t want me to just take it?”

 

Lexa laughed softly and ran her hand over Clarke’s shoulder. 

 

“No, you’ve done enough. I didn’t want you to get me a new phone anyhow. Changing the number would have been enough.”

 

“No. I don’t want you to owe her anything. She needs no reason to contact you again. We just change the number and she’ll want the phone back. She has no right to speak to you, so I don’t want her to have a reason to.

 

The protective anger in Clarke’s voice made Lexa smile. 

 

“So protective.”

 

“Damn right. I really don’t want you to go give the phone back to her. Please just let me do it.”

 

“Clarke...I can’t. I told you, you can come with me but...I have to be able to face her. We’re going to see her and Ontari at shows all the time.”

 

“I know, I know. I just...I don’t think I’ve ever hated anyone so much. I mean I didn’t like them before but now...”

 

“I know. And I think it’s sweet.”

 

“You do?”

 

“Yes, why wouldn’t I?”

 

“I don’t know. Some people would think I was a little crazy.”

 

“Maybe. But...to me it shows how much you care.  I haven’t had anyone care about me in a long time.”

 

“I guess I have a lot of time to make up for.”

 

“No, you don’t. Not at all. None of that was your fault.”

 

“Doesn’t change the fact that I want to take it all away.”

 

Lexa turned on her side so they were facing each other and ran her hand over Clarke’s cheek as she pushed her hair away from her face. 

 

“You have no idea how much that means to me.”

 

Clarke ran her hand down Lexa’s side to her hip and pulled her closer. 

 

“Why don’t you show me?” She whispered, her lips inches from Lexa’s.  Lexa smiled and pressed her lips to Clarke’s. The kiss was lazy and slow; Clarke slid her hands up Lexa’s back to her shoulders and pressed closer, wanting more. Lexa put her hand on Clarke’s chest and gently pushed her back, not breaking their contact, just slowing her down. 

 

She ran her tongue across Clarke’s bottom lip, teasing it gently before backing off again. Clarke sighed, half out of frustration and Lexa smiled as she wrapped her hand in Clarke’s hair. 

 

“Relax. Just kiss me.” She whispered, her green eyes dark. 

 

“I am...but god...”

 

“Shhh.”

 

Lexa silenced her with another soft kiss and Clarke finally felt herself give in and relax. Until she relaxed she hadn’t realized her body felt like a tightly coiled spring. 

 

Lexa smiled into their kiss when she finally felt Clarke relax against her. She ran her hand slowly down Clarke’s back, letting it come to rest in the small of her back, holding her close. 

 

She lost track of how long they kissed or when Clarke ended up with her head tucked under Lexa’s chin, their legs intertwined and her arm draped across Lexa’s shoulders. She lost track of everything but Clarke and trying to get the blonde to relax as much as possible. She kept every touch and kiss soft and Clarke finally relaxed completely and let Lexa just hold her. 

 

“Hmmm, god I needed this.” She murmured against Lexa’s chest, then sighed as Lexa ran her fingers through her hair. 

 

“You’re seriously going to put me to sleep if you keep doing that.”

 

“That’s fine. You need to relax.”

 

“I’m not a relaxed person by nature.”

 

“I can tell. I’ll just have to help you more often then.”

 

“I think I can live with that.” 

 

“Yea, me too.”

 

Lexa rested her head on top of Clarke’s and sighed, letting herself relax too. She was almost asleep when Clarke whispered. 

 

“We should go see the fountains. I know how much you liked them and it’s our last night to do it.”

 

“Whatever you want babe.” Lexa’s answer was a sleepy mumble and Clarke laughed. 

 

“Were you falling asleep?”

 

“Mhmm.”

 

“Come on, let’s go do something other than just sleep. It’s Vegas.”

 

“Not just sleeping. Cuddling. Cuddling is good.”

 

“We can cuddle later.”

 

“Promise?”

 

“Of course I promise.”

 

“Mkay.” 

 

Lexa stretched and smiled as Clarke ran her hands down her sides as she did. 

 

“Getting up requires you letting go of me.” She teased. 

 

“I know, that is a downfall of the plan.”

 

“And I’m the spider monkey?”

 

“I’m starting to see why you like it so much, not gonna lie.” Clarke smirked and tightened her arms around Lexa’s waist, pulling her close and kissing her. 

 

“At this rate we’re never getting out of this bed.” Lexa said softly as she pulled back from the kiss. 

 

“Okay, Okay.” Clarke laughed as she let go of Lexa and sat up. She was about to stand up when Lexa hit her in the back of the head with a pillow. 

 

She turned around to see Lexa on her knees on the bed holding a pillow up in front of her; her eyes were bright and she had a childish grin plastered across her face. 

 

“Gotcha.”

 

“Oh you think so?”

 

“Mhmm.”

 

Lexa swung the pillow again and Clarke blocked it, grabbing it and pulling it out of Lexa’s hands as she did. 

 

“Hey!”

 

“All is fair in love and pillow fights.”

 

Clarke teased as she swung the pillow, connecting with the side of Lexa’s face and throwing her off balance. Lexa grabbed one of the other pillows and threw it at Clarke, hitting her square in the face before she could block it. 

 

“Oh that’s it. You’re going down.” 

 

Lexa squeaked and grabbed another pillow, dodging Clarke as she grabbed for her leg. She stood up on the bed and bounced just out of Clarke’s reach. She threw the pillow in her hand, hitting Clarke in the face again. 

 

“You kinda suck at this.” She teased as she bounced on the bed.

 

“You’re out of ammo though.” 

 

“Am not!”

 

Lexa took a running step and jumped across the beds, landing on her knees on the other one and grabbing a pillow. She wasn’t quite fast enough though and Clarke threw one of her pillows at the back of her head, knocking her forward on the bed. 

 

Lexa went to get up but Clarke was already on her, pinning her face down on the bed. 

 

“Hey! This isn’t fair!”

 

“Says who?”

 

Clarke smirked as she straddled Lexa’s hips with her knees and started tickling her ribs. Lexa shrieked with laughter, her body writhing around under Clarke trying to get away. 

 

“Oh my god Clarke stop! I can’t breathe!”

 

She gasped through fits of laugher. 

 

“Don’t start what you can’t finish.”

 

Clarke stated and kept tickling her. 

 

“Okay, Okay. You win I give. Stop it. I can’t.”

 

Clarke laughed as she stopped tickling Lexa and lifted herself up enough for her to turn over before settling back down on her lap. Lexa was still laughing, her face glowing as she propped herself up on her elbows to look at Clarke. 

 

“Never turn your back on the enemy.” Clarke smirked. 

 

“I’ll have to keep that in mind.” Lexa smiled, still breathless from laughing so hard. Clarke was taken aback by how happy and pretty she looked. 

 

“How the hell did I end up with someone so gorgeous?” 

 

“I ask myself the same thing every time I look at you.”

 

“Think we can manage to get dressed and go watch the fountains?”

 

“Maybe. If we try hard enough.”

 

Clarke leaned down and kissed Lexa briefly before standing up and heading to the bathroom to change. Lexa changed into a pair of black jeans and then rummaged through her suitcase for a hoodie. After a while she huffed as she realized the only one she had was an old Azgeda one, and she’d rather freeze to death. She was digging around for something else when she saw Clarke’s Arkadia hoodie draped over the back of the couch. She pulled it on and it was just baggy enough to be comfortable but not so much that it looked ridiculous. 

 

“Well damn...that’s hot.”

 

Clarke commented from behind Lexa. 

 

“Do you mind if I wear it?”

 

“Mind? No, I don’t mind at all. I find it ridiculously attractive actually. It’s a little big though, kinda looks like you’re wearing your boyfriends sweater.”

 

Lexa smirked as she walked up to Clarke and wrapped her arms around her neck. 

 

“But I’m not...I’m wearing my girlfriends sweater.”

 

“God I could get used to hearing that.”

 

“What?”

 

“You know what.”

 

“Me calling you my girlfriend?”

 

“Mhmm.”

 

“I’ll have to start saying it more then.”

 

Clarke smiled and wrapped her arms around Lexa’s waist as she kissed her. 

 

“We almost made it out the door.” Lexa laughed. 

 

“It’s your fault. You put my sweater on.”

 

“I like it, it smells like you.”

 

“You’ll have one too.  I only had time to get the one shirt done on such short notice. I’ll get you more shirts, a hoodie and a jacket.”

 

“You don’t need to do that.”

 

“I’m doing it anyways. Come on, let’s get going.”

 

Lexa shook her head as she let Clarke take her hand and lead her out the door towards the elevator.

* * *

 

 “I’m glad we came. I swear I could watch these forever.”

 

“Me too.”

 

Clarke smiled and kissed Lexa’s neck before resting her chin on her shoulder. They were standing at the rail in front of the fountains; Clarke was standing behind Lexa with her arms wrapped around her waist and her hands tucked in the kangaroo pocket on the front of her hoodie. Lexa had her hands in the pocket too and their fingers were intertwined. Clarke would occasionally kiss Lexa’s neck, but for the most part she just held her. 

 

Lexa occasionally ran her thumb over the back of Clarke’s hand in her pocket and smiled when Clarke would kiss her neck. She was happy the blonde still felt as relaxed as she had earlier in the hotel room. 

 

Lexa sighed as the next song started and leaned her head back against Clarke to watch the fountains. 

 

“What was that sigh for?”

 

“Happy. Content. Comfy. Take your pick.”

 

“All three?”

 

“Absolutely.”

 

“Good, me too.” 

 

Lexa smiled and they quietly watched the fountains until the song ended. Lexa pulled her hands out of her pocket and turned in Clarke’s arms so she was facing her. She draped her arms around Clarke’s neck and buried her face in the side of it. Clarke smiled and tightened her arms around Lexa’s waist. 

 

“Do I really make you happy?” Lexa whispered. 

 

“You have no idea.”

 

“Clarke I’m being serious.”

 

“Lexa look at me.”

 

Lexa shook her head no against Clarke’s neck. Clarke took her hips and pushed her back some and Lexa finally looked into her eyes. 

 

“I’m being serious too. I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time, because of you.”

 

Lexa swallowed hard and slid her hand behind Clarke’s neck as she kissed her. 

Clarke pulled back and rested her forehead against Lexa’s, amazed at how the rest of the world seemed to just disappear when they were together. 

 

“Do you believe me?” 

 

“Mostly. I’m trying.”

 

“I’ll take it. And I’ll convince you eventually.”

 

“It’s not you Clarke, it’s me.”

 

“Regardless, I’ll still convince you.”

 

Lexa laughed and kissed her briefly before moving behind her and wrapping her arms around her waist, facing the fountains again. 

 

“My turn.” She whispered in Clarke’s ear as she kissed her neck. 

 

“Hmm, Okay.” 

 

“You know what I just thought of?”

 

“What?”

 

“We can say our first kiss was at the Eiffel Tower and it wouldn’t totally be a lie.”

 

“Someday I’ll take you to the real one and kiss you there too.”

 

“Such a romantic.”

 

“Only with you.”

 

“Right, with everyone else you’re a slut.” Lexa teased. 

 

“Just like you’re in to incest.” Clarke replied without missing a beat and Lexa pushed her away, laughing. 

 

“Oh my god we’re horrible. We’re going to hell.” 

 

“Please, I already have reserved seats.” 

 

“Great, then I’ll just join you in your section.”

 

“Deal.”

 

The music for the fountains started again and Lexa leaned against the rail to watch them. 

 

Clarke smiled at how happy and relaxed she looked; it was a huge change from when they’d met. Lexa realized Clarke wasn’t by her and reached out and grabbed the front of her shirt, tugging her closer. Clarke laughed and leaned on the rail next to Lexa, their sides touching. The song ended and Lexa linked her arm through Clarke’s. 

 

“We should probably head back. The Grand Prix is tomorrow and you should sleep.” 

 

“We can stay longer if you want to.”

 

“I know,  but we’ve been here over an hour.”

 

“I’m having a good time though.”

 

“Me too, but you were already falling asleep before we left. We’re both tired.” 

 

As if on cue, Clarke yawned then laughed. 

 

“I guess you’re right. Besides, after tomorrow we have about a week to just hide from the rest of the world if that’s what we want to do.”

 

“Which sounds amazing, but for tonight you promised more cuddling, and I’m holding you to it.”

 

“I don’t have a problem with that at all.”

 

Clarke said with a grin as she took Lexa’s hand and they headed back inside the Bellagio to catch the tram.

* * *

 

 

“Clarke, did we really need a half a dozen cupcakes?” Lexa called in to the bathroom as she picked up the carrot cake one and took a bite. 

 

“You’re the one who couldn’t choose.”

 

“That did not mean get all of them.”

 

“That’s what happens when you leave me alone to make choices.” 

 

“You’re ridiculous.”

 

“Says the girl who has taken a bite out of every single one of them.” Clarke laughed as she peered over Lexa’s shoulder into the box. “You’re so cute.” 

 

“Well, if you’re going to buy all of them, I’m going to taste all of them.”

 

Clarke laughed as she turned Lexa around and kissed her. 

 

“Carrot cake?” 

 

“Mhmm.”

 

“I like it.” 

 

She kissed her again and Lexa laughed and pushed her away. 

 

“So eat some of it, you dork.” 

 

Lexa teased as she headed in to the bathroom to change. She pulled on a pair of soft black pajama pants and the tank top that went with them, ran a bush through her hair before pulling it back in a low ponytail.

 

She walked back out into the room and Clarke was sitting on the couch on her phone. Lexa walked over and straddled her lap, sitting on Clarke’s knees facing her. 

 

“Well hi.” 

 

“Hi.”

 

Lexa leaned forward and put one hand on each side of Clarke’s head on the back of the couch. Clarke grinned and pulled her closer so their bodies were pressed against each other. Lexa kissed her softly. 

 

“Red velvet?” She laughed as she pulled back. 

 

“Mhmm, my favorite.”

 

“Mine too, and the pumpkin spice one.” 

 

“I ate all of the red velvet.”

 

“It’s okay. Saved your favorite for last.”

 

“Mhmm. I definitely like you more than all the cupcakes.” 

 

“Wow, you prefer me over saddles and cupcakes, you really know how to make a girl feel special Clarke.”

 

“Hmm, I prefer you over damn near everything Lexa.” Clarke growled as she kissed the side of Lexa’s neck. Lexa smiled and kissed her again before wrapping her arms around her neck and leaning against the front of her. 

 

“We’re supposed to be in bed, cuddling.”

 

“I know. I have a few emails to answer and then I’m all yours. I’m emailing Monty about Saga, stall reservations for the next show, and they’re having a Chase me Charlie charity event at the show and they want me to participate. People bet on the winner and the height, money goes to charity.”

 

“Chase me Charlie classes always look like so much fun.”

 

“You want to ride in it? I can enter you on Journey.”

 

Clarke’s eyes lit up as she looked at Lexa, her smile bright. 

 

“I’d be riding against you.”

 

“So what? It will be fun. Come on, please?”

 

“Clarke...I’ve never shown before.”

 

“I know, it’s perfect. It’s just one fence over and over.”

 

Lexa wanted to say no; the thought of showing terrified her, but Clarke looked so hopeful and had already done so much for her that she just couldn’t tell her no to something so simple. 

 

“Okay, sign me up.”

 

“Really?!”

 

“Yes, really.”

 

Clarke’s smile lit up her whole face and she leaned forward and kissed Lexa. 

 

“Thank you.  I know you’re really only doing it for me.” 

 

Lexa looked down at her lap and blushed. 

 

“I do want to, it just terrifies me. But yes, you are my primary motivation.”

 

“You’ll have fun.”

 

“Oh god, will Ontari be in it?”

 

“I don’t know. You’ll beat her anyways, so don’t worry about it.”

 

“Clarke...”

 

“Okay here, I’ll enter you and if Ontari is in the class and you honestly can’t do it, we’ll scratch.

 

“Ok. Thank you. I’m sorry...”

 

“Don’t be sorry. So, are you going to get off my lap so I can send these emails and get in bed with you? Or are you going to stay here and make it take longer? Because I can’t keep my hands off you when you’re sitting there like that.”

 

Lexa kissed Clarke softly on the forehead and scooted back off her lap. She crawled under the covers in the bed, scooting to one side to make room for Clarke and laid on her side. 

 

It didn’t take long before she felt herself drifting off to sleep, despite her best efforts to stay awake. 

 

It was about thirty minutes later when Clarke set her phone on the nightstand and climbed in to bed. She tried to be careful and not wake Lexa up as she laid down, but it didn’t work. 

 

Clarke smiled as Lexa found her way into her typical position without opening her eyes; she curled against Clarke’s side, her face pressed into her neck. Her arm wrapped around Clarke’s waist and pulled her close. 

 

“Hey babe, sorry I woke you up.” Clarke whispered. 

 

“Sokay.” 

 

“Go back to sleep.”

 

“Closer.”

 

“I’m right here Lexa, go back to sleep.”

 

Lexa whined and grabbed the front of Clarke’s shirt and pulled. Clarke sighed and moved so one arm was under Lexa’s head, the other around her upper back. She pulled her closer and shifted until their legs were intertwined.

 

“Better?”

 

Lexa nodded, somehow burying her face closer to Clarke’s neck. 

 

“Thank you.” 

 

Lexa’s breath was hot on her neck and it made her shiver. 

 

“You’re welcome, now go back to sleep.” 

 

“Mkay. Love you.” Lexa mumbled under her breath and Clarke choked on the breath she was taking. She knew Lexa was asleep and wasn’t really aware of what she was saying, nor would she remember it in the morning, but in a way it felt like it meant more. It was a subconscious thought rather than something planned and Clarke had to take a few seconds to remember how to breathe before she could respond. 

 

“Love you too babe, goodnight.” 

 

She felt Lexa’s body completely relax a few seconds later and her breathing deepen as she fell back to sleep. 

 

Clarke closed her eyes but her mind was reeling. She knew without a doubt that she was falling in love with Lexa, but everything had been happening so fast she hadn’t planned on saying anything for a long time, and she still wouldn’t; she wouldn’t mention what Lexa had said unless Lexa did. She didn’t want to freak the girl out, but knowing that deep down Lexa felt the same way made Clarke’s heart soar. 

 

Eventually the combination of Lexa being warmly pressed against her and listening to her steady breathing put Clarke to sleep with a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. 

* * *

 

 

Lexa woke up to the obnoxious ringing of Clarke’s alarm, which she turned off without ever even looking at it, wrapped her arm back around Lexa and was promptly back asleep. 

 

Lexa smiled and stretched, arching her body away from Clarke as she stretched her back. Clarke whined and pulled her closer. 

 

“Wake up Clarke.” She whispered, kissing the side of her neck. 

 

“Five more minutes.”

 

“No, because if you go back to sleep I will too and then we’ll be late.”

 

“Ugh.” Clarke buried her face in Lexa’s neck. “Don’t wanna. You’re too comfy.”

 

Lexa laughed quietly and ran her fingers through Clarke’s hair, gently pulling her face away from her neck until she could kiss her. 

 

Clarke sighed as she kissed Lexa back, still half asleep but awake enough to tug on her lower lip as she pulled back. Lexa kissed her neck a few times then moved back to her lips until Clarke finally opened her eyes. 

 

“Good morning gorgeous.” Lexa whispered as she smiled at Clarke. 

 

“Hmm, Good Morning. Can you wake me up like that every morning? That is highly preferable to my alarm.”

 

“Tack, cupcakes and now your alarm. All these things you prefer me over. I feel so special.” 

 

“Too early for the sarcasm. Mainly because I have no comeback.”

 

“Try to keep up Griffin.” 

 

“Shut up and kiss me again Woods.”

 

Clarke smirked as she hooked one finger in Lexa’s neckline and pulled her forward. They lazily kissed for a few minutes before Lexa put her hand on Clarke’s chest and pushed her back. 

 

“Why’d you do that?”

 

“Because we have to get going, and neither one of us is going to leave this bed if we keep laying here making out.” 

 

“But...”

 

“Are you always going to make it this difficult to get you out of bed?”

 

“Are you going to keep being so god damn stunning and so much fun to kiss?” 

 

Lexa blushed bright red and looked away from Clarke. 

 

“Well, I can tell you’re more awake now.

 

“Hm,  but you didn’t answer the question.”

 

“Clarke stop it.”

 

“No way. You’ll get used to it.”

 

Lexa looked at her, her green eyes were dark and serious. 

 

“No I won’t. And I don’t want to. It takes my breath away when you say things like that, and I never want it not to because that would mean I was taking you for granted and I never want to do that. No one ever should. You’re amazing and deserve someone who recognizes it.” 

 

“Lexa, I was teasing you, but thank you.”

 

“I mean it Clarke.”

 

“I know you do babe.” 

 

Lexa smiled at what was becoming a pretty common nickname. She kissed Clarke one more time before moving to get up. 

 

“I like it when you call me babe.” She commented as she stood up and stretched; holding her hands together above her head and arching her back. Clarke smirked as Lexa’s shirt slid halfway up her stomach as she stretched. 

 

“So hot. Take it off.”

 

Clarke teased. Lexa raised one eyebrow and slowly pulled her shirt off and tossed it at Clarke then stood there grinning in her pajama pants and sports bra. 

 

“Mmm, come here.” 

 

“No way. If I get back in that bed we’ll never get out of it.”

 

“I’m not understanding the problem.”

 

“You have a Grand Prix to ride in. We have horses to take care of.” 

 

Lexa laughed as she walked around to Clarke’s side of the bed. Clarke reached out and grabbed the leg of her pants and pulled her close. 

 

“Come here.” 

 

“Clarke let go and get up.” Lexa laughed as she tried to pull away. 

 

“Nope.” 

 

Clarke grabbed her wrist and pulled her back onto the bed. In her attempt to not land on Clarke, Lexa ended up straddling her. 

 

“You always get what you want.”

 

Lexa teased as she sat back, resting her weight on Clarke’s thighs. Clarke sat up, her hands going to Lexa’s sides as she pulled her into a short kiss. 

 

“I almost have what I want.” She whispered but before Lexa could ask what she meant she had flipped them both so Lexa was on her back and Clarke was straddling her. 

 

“So this is what you wanted?” Lexa laughed. 

 

“Almost.”

 

Clarke kissed the side of her neck and slowly worked her way down to her collar bone, then across the top of one breast along the line of her bra. 

 

Lexa gasped as Clarke ran her hands down her stomach and followed with her mouth, kissing softly down the middle of her stomach. 

 

She’d gotten about halfway down her stomach when Lexa froze, her breath catching in her throat. Clarke felt the change just before Lexa whispered. 

 

“Clarke...wait...I can’t...”

 

Clarke looked up and saw a trace of fear in Lexa’s eyes. She immediately let go and started to move away when Lexa grabbed her shirt. 

 

“No, don’t. Just...wait.”

 

Clarke could feel Lexa starting to tremble underneath her. She moved so she was next to her rather than straddling her and Lexa immediately curled into her side. 

 

“Lexa you’re shaking. God I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think about-“

 

“No. It’s not you. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” 

 

“Nothing is wrong with you Lexa. Nothing. “

“I have no reason to be like this. Not with you.”

 

“It has nothing to do with me, I know that. Have you been with anyone since that night?”

 

“No.”

 

“Well no wonder.”

 

“I’m sorry...”

 

“Shhh. You have nothing to be sorry for, but clearly you’re going to have to keep your clothes on around me.”

 

Lexa laughed and her shaking subsided some. 

 

“Clarke please don’t think this means I don’t want you to touch me. Because I do. Things with you don’t remind me of that night at all. I don’t know what happened.”

 

“Lexa...look at me.”

 

Lexa slowly looked up and met Clarke’s eyes. 

 

“I’m not upset. I’m not mad. It’s okay, I understand. Well...as much as I can understand anyhow. Please don’t beat yourself up over this, ok?”

 

Lexa searched Clarke’s eyes for some small sign that she was lying, but all she could see in them was patience and understanding. 

 

“Thank you.” She whispered as she placed a barely there kiss on Clarke’s lips. “Can I try something?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Lexa smiled and moved so she was straddling Clarke’s lap again. She tugged on Clarke’s shirt until she was sitting up, then wrapped her hands in Clarke’s hair and kissed her. 

 

“Lexa...we don’t have to do this right now...”

 

“Shhhh. I want to.”

 

“Okay, but if you’re not okay...”

 

“I trust you Clarke, or I wouldn’t try.”

 

Lexa kissed Clarke again and then turned her head and guided Clarke’s mouth to her neck. She kept her hands wrapped in Clarke’s hair until she started kissing the top of her breast again. 

 

“Fuck...”

 

She moaned as she let go of Clarke’s hair and found her hands, guiding them to her sides. Clarke’s touch was soft and hesitant as Lexa leaned back so she could  kiss lower. 

 

Clarke wrapped one arm around Lexa’s back and ran the other down her side to rest on her hip as she softly kissed Lexa’s stomach just below her bra line. She stopped when she heard Lexa’s sharp intake of air. 

 

“You okay?” 

 

“Mhmm.”

 

Clarke slowly worked her way down Lexa’s stomach, paying close attention to her breathing. When she got to where she’d stopped before she slowly ran her tongue back up Lexa’s stomach then blew air across the trail she’d left and smiled at the goosebumps that immediately covered Lexa’s skin. 

 

“Oh my god Clarke...”

 

She moaned as Clarke kissed her way down the now cool skin. Clarke smiled at the whimpering noise she wasn’t entirely sure Lexa knew she was making. She worked her way down to her bellybutton, slowly swirling her tongue around it before kissing it softly. 

 

She looked up at Lexa to make sure she was still okay and was surprised to find Lexa looking back at her, her green eyes full of nothing but trust. 

 

“You are so perfect.” She whispered as she kissed Lexa’s stomach again while still looking at her. 

 

Lexa moaned and wrapped her hands in Clarke’s hair, pulling her back up so she could kiss her. Clarke could feel Lexa’s heart racing as she pressed against her. 

 

“You’re the perfect one.” Lexa whispered as she kissed Clarke’s neck gently before wrapping her arms around her shoulders and burying her face in her neck. Clarke laughed and wrapped her arms around Lexa, pulling her closer. 

 

“You’re still shaking, are you okay.” 

 

“I’m more than okay. Thank you...for understanding.”

 

“Thank you for trusting me.”

 

Lexa nodded into Clarke’s shoulder as she tried to get her breathing and heartbeat under control. Everything with Clarke was so intense; she’d never wanted to be with anyone physically as much as she did with Clarke and it scared her sometimes. She smiled as she felt Clarke run her hand slowly up and down her back until she stopped shaking.

 

“We should go.” 

 

“Mhmm.”

 

“We’re bad at this whole getting out of bed thing.” 

 

“That was your fault, you pulled me back in it. I was up.”

 

“No, that was your fault. Like I was really going to keep my hands off you once you took your shirt off.”

 

“It was your suggestion.”

 

“I didn’t think you’d do it! I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you did, but still.”

 

Lexa laughed and crawled off Clarke’s lap and stood up. She held her hand out to Clarke and pulled her up as well. 

 

“Up. Get dressed. We have stuff to do.” 

 

Clarke raised one eyebrow and pulled Lexa close, her hands running up her sides slowly. 

 

“Clarke...god dammit...”

 

She shivered as Clarke’s fingers ran gently over her rib cage, making her whole body shudder. 

 

“How do you do that with one damn touch?” She whispered as their lips met. 

Clarke groaned as Lexa slid her tongue into her mouth and wrapped her fists in the back of her shirt, pulling her closer. 

 

“Fuck...the same way you do when you kiss me like that.” 

 

“Well at least we’re even. Clothes. Now.” 

 

“Right.”

 

Lexa shook her head as she went into the bathroom to change. It didn’t take her long to pull on breeches and the Arkadia barn shirt she’d worn the day before. She brushed her hair and teeth quickly then pulled on Clarke’s hoodie and walked back out into the room.

 

Clarke was sitting on the couch already dressed scrolling through something on her phone. She looked up and smiled as Lexa walked in. 

 

“Did you want your hoodie?” Lexa asked innocently. 

 

“No. I like it better on you anyways. But there is something you need to see on Facebook.”

 

“I don’t have Facebook.”

 

“Alright, you can look at it on mine while I brush my hair and stuff.” 

 

She tossed Lexa her phone and headed into the bathroom. 

 

“It’s mostly posted in the show jumping group pages I’m part of.”

 

Clarke called over her shoulder as she closed the bathroom door. Lexa sat down and started scrolling through Clarke’s Facebook feed. Every third or fourth post was either a picture or video of their kiss after Journey’s win, all with different titles:

 

Who is the mysterious brunette with Clarke Griffin?

 

Clarke Griffin never makes out in public, who is this girl?

 

Has someone finally tamed Clarke? Who is she kissing?

 

Lexa laughed and decided to look at the comments on one of the posts. 

 

Damn, how do I get someone to kiss me like that?

 

God that girl is pretty, who the hell is she? I’d happily take her when Clarke’s bored.

 

Clarke is never public about anything, could this girl be special?

 

Seriously, does anyone know who she is? 

 

Someone needs to find out who this girl is. Does she have a facebook? Instagram? Is Clarke serious about her?

 

New fuck toy? Damn she has good taste. 

 

Clarke came out of the bathroom as Lexa was still scrolling through the comments. 

 

“I’m sorry about all of that.”

 

“It’s fine. I actually find it kind of funny. They really want to know who I am.”

 

“Oh yea they do. Want to taunt them?”

 

“I don’t care. If you want to.”

 

“It’s more fun that way. If they want to talk, give them something to talk about. Come here.”

 

Clarke pulled on Lexa’s arm until she was standing up and then pulled her close, wrapping one arm around her waist. She reached around and pulled the hair tie out of her hair. 

 

“Fix it so it falls in your face some.

 

“Clarke what are you doing?” 

 

Lexa laughed as she ran her fingers through her hair and shook her head some, making her hair fall down on either side of her face.

 

“I love your hair like that. So pretty.”

 

“I’ll have to wear it down more when we’re not at the barn then.”

 

“Mmm, yes please. Alright. Kiss my neck, but on the side where you’re facing away from the camera.”

 

“Camera? What are you doing Clarke?”

 

“Taking a picture and putting it on Facebook, but we have to keep up the whole oh my god who is she thing.”

 

“You’re horrible and I love it.”

 

Lexa draped her arms loosely around Clarke’s neck, leaned down and kissed it. Clarke smirked at the camera and snapped a few pictures. 

 

“Alright, got one.”

 

Clarke posted the picture to her Facebook and Instagram; the caption was one word: mine.

 

“Well that should be fun. Let’s get to the barn, Raven is already there I’m sure.”

 

“Well, we’ll never hear the end of it now; being late on her last day.”

 

“I’ll just explain to her that I was thoroughly distracted by you shirtless on my lap, she will understand.”

 

“Clarke! You will not!”

 

Clarke laughed as they stepped out into the hallway and she pulled the door shut behind her. 

 

“She’ll probably guess anyhow. Are we still stopping by the Azgeda barn first?”

 

“Ugh. Yes. Let’s just get it out of the way.”

 

“Still won’t let me go without you?”

 

Lexa smiled and took Clarke’s hand as they stepped into the elevator. 

 

“No, but I still think it’s sweet that you want to.”

 

“I just don’t want to see you hurt anymore.”

 

“I know, but I’ll be okay.”

 

Lexa leaned in to Clarke’s side and tried to ignore the steadily growing feeling of dread building in the pit of her stomach at the thought of seeing Nia. It was too tempting to let Clarke deal with it for her, but she knew it was something she had to do for herself. 

 

* * *

 

 “Please remind me again that I can do this?”

 

Lexa whispered as she stood at the end of the Azgeda barn aisle and stared in the direction of their tack room. Clarke’s heart ached for her. She’d become increasingly quiet on the way down to the barn until she had just stopped speaking and had a death grip on Clarke’s hand. 

 

“Lexa look at me.”

 

Lexa tore her eyes away from the tack room to look at Clarke. 

 

“You don’t have to do this, but if it’s what you want or need to do, then if course you can. That woman has no power over you. You have somewhere else to go. You have someone who...cares about you. Don’t let her in your head.”

 

“Thank you.” Lexa whispered and let go of Clarke’s hand. 

 

“I’m coming with you.”

 

“I know. But I don’t want to give her any more ammo than she already has.”

 

“Fuck that.” Clarke reached for Lexa’s hand and squeezed it. “If it makes you feel better to hold my hand then hold it.” 

 

Lexa swallowed hard and nodded then headed towards the Azgeda tack room. They had made it almost to the door when Nia walked out. Lexa saw her and froze. 

 

“What brings the two whores to see me so early in the morning?” Nia sneered while glaring at Lexa. 

 

“I came to give this back to you. I don’t need it anymore and it isn’t mine to keep.”

 

Lexa’s voice sounded much more confident than she felt as she held the phone out to Nia and Clarke squeezed her hand. 

 

Nia reached out and snatched the phone out of Lexa’s hand and it took all of Lexa’s self control not to flinch and jerk her hand away. 

 

“So you think you have it made now that you’ve hooked up with this trash, huh?”

 

“This has nothing to do with her Nia, I came to return your phone. That’s all.”

 

Lexa turned to leave and Nia grabbed her wrist. Lexa felt Clarke tense next to her and squeezed her hand. 

 

“I hope you know if you leave here you will never be welcome in my home or my barn again. After everything I’ve done for you since you got your parents killed, this is the way you choose to repay me? Such an ungrateful little bitch, if your mother could see you now she would be so ashamed.”

 

Clarke’s entire body shook with anger and she started to take a step forward until Lexa softly tugged on her hand.

 

“I’ve never been welcome in your home or barn Nia; allowed, but not welcome. No matter how hard I tried you never liked me. From the moment I woke up in that hospital bed and saw you for the first time, you’ve done nothing but hate me and blame me for my parents dying. 

 

I blame myself for that every day of my life. There isn’t a single moment where I don’t wish I hadn’t made that call and had just taken the chance with my drunk friends. None of them died that night. I don’t need to be around anyone else who blames me and hates me for it too. I do all of that myself. 

 

I don’t know what happened between you and my mom that made you stop talking. She never would tell me. She only ever told me stories of how close you were and how much fun you two had. Growing up I wanted to meet you so badly. So I’m sorry for whatever didn’t get resolved between you guys, but my mom still loved you. 

 

And I’m not ungrateful. I’ve spent the entire time I’ve lived with you trying to be perfect and show you how grateful I was; and stupidly hoping some day you’d love me. 

 

I will still pay you back for my education. I will send checks. I hope me being gone makes you happy again because clearly being with me makes you miserable. 

 

After today you never have to deal with me again outside of horse shows. I won’t contact you, I promise.”

 

Clarke could feel Lexa trembling and she knew the other girl was having a hard time holding back the tears. Lexa held Nia’s stare for a few seconds then turned to leave. They were about half way down the barn aisle when Nia called out,

 

“Do you really want to know why your mom and I never spoke?” 

 

Lexa froze in her tracks and Clarke stepped in front of her so she was looking directly at her. 

 

“Lexa. Don’t. Whatever she says right now is going to be a lie just to hurt you. Please don’t turn around.  I’m so proud of you. You handled her beautifully and she can’t stand the amount of confidence you just showed.”

 

“Clarke...I’ve always wondered...the Nia my mom talked about was not this way...what happened to her?”

 

“It doesn’t matter. You can’t fix it and you won’t have any idea if it’s the truth. Please Lexa. Let’s go.” 

 

The desperation in Clarke’s voice surprised Lexa and she looked up to find the blonde almost in tears. 

 

“Please don’t let her do this to you.”

 

Lexa nodded slowly and Clarke sighed in relief as they started to walk away. 

 

“Of course you don’t want to know, it was your fault after all.”

 

Nia called after them. Lexa tensed and almost quit walking but didn’t until Clarke’s stopping jerked her to a stop as well. 

 

“That fucking bitch.”

 

Clarke’s voice was full of venom and Lexa had never seen her look so angry. 

 

“Clarke...come on. You said it yourself...she’s probably lying.”

 

“Lexa, please just let me-“

 

“No. She’s not worth it. Come on. Let’s go. Clarke please...I can’t...”

 

Clarke nodded stiffly and they kept walking. The next time Nia said something they were too far down the barn aisle to hear and neither one of them turned around. 

 

Clarke waited until they were almost to Arkadia’s barn before speaking. 

 

“Are you okay?” She asked quietly.

 

“No.” 

 

Lexa’s answer was short and cold and she let go of Clarke’s hand as they got to the tack room. Raven walked out as they were walking up; Lexa moved around her and walked inside without saying hello. 

 

“What’s wrong with her?She looks miserable.”

 

“We went to Azgeda’s Barn to give Nia Lexa’s old phone back. It didn’t go well.”

 

“Ugh. You have a few hours before you have to start getting ready. Go take her away from here for a while. I’ll feed.”

 

“Raven, are you sure?”

 

“Of course I am. It’s my last day, it’s the least I can do. She needs away from here for a little bit. Even if it’s back to the room.”

 

“Thanks Rae. You’re amazing.”

 

Clarke walked into the tack room and found Lexa getting Journey’s tack together. She walked up behind her and wrapped her arms around her waist and for the first time since they’d met, Lexa tensed then pulled away from her. 

 

“Clarke...please don’t.”

 

“Lexa...”

 

“I’m okay, but please stop. Just not right now.”

 

“You’re not okay. Come on, let’s get out of here for a little bit. Raven is going to take care of things for a few hours.”

 

“I don’t need to run away from things Clarke.”

 

“Babe...please? Just come with me. We’ll go back to the room and just sit and watch TV if you want but let’s get away from here for a little bit. Or you go alone if you don’t want me around.”

 

Clarke’s voice cracked on the last sentence and Lexa finally looked up at her. 

 

“I do want you around...more than anything...but if I let you hold me, I’m going to fall apart...and I...don’t want to.”

 

Lexa’s voice was barely above a whisper and Clarke ached to reach out and hug her. 

 

“Come on, let’s go.” Clarke reached for her hand and Lexa shook her head no.

 

“I’ll come, but I can’t...”

 

“Okay.”

 

They walked back towards the hotel together and Clarke felt like her heart was breaking. Lexa’s normally bright green eyes were dull and emotionless, her whole posture was off and she was moving around like a zombie. Clarke longed to hold her or do something to somehow take some of the hurt away. 

 

Lexa felt somehow numb and overwhelmed at the same time. Somehow closing the final chapter on her life with Nia was terrifying. She felt like she had no one and no where to go except Clarke. The thought terrified her, even though she rationally knew that Nia didn’t care about her, it was a strange feeling to have no ties to any family. 

 

She could tell it was hurting Clarke that she wouldn’t let her comfort her, but she knew the second she did that she wouldn’t be able to control her emotions anymore and she was terrified of the breakdown she could feel coming. She’d been such a mess since Clarke had met her and the girl had already done so much; she was afraid this would end up being too much. 

 

They got off the elevator and walked to the room in silence. Lexa headed for the bed as Clarke pulled the door closed behind her. Lexa sat down on the bed and scooted back so she was leaning up against the headboard, her knees pulled up to her chest. 

 

“Can I at least sit with you?”

 

Lexa nodded and Clarke climbed in to the other side of the bed and moved as close as she could without touching Lexa. 

 

“Do you want to talk?”

 

“Not really.” 

 

“Okay.”

 

Lexa folded her arms across her knees and rested her forehead against them. After a few minutes of silence, Clarke could tell from the way Lexa’s shoulders were shaking that she was crying. She bit the inside of her bottom lip to stop herself from crying. She pulled out her phone and text Raven. 

 

Clarke: I don’t know what to do. She’s sitting here crying and shaking but she won’t let me touch her.

 

Raven: is she mad at you?

 

Clarke: no. I don’t think so. At the barn she said she couldn’t let me hold her because if I did she’d fall apart and she didn’t want to.

 

Raven: sounds like you’re just going to have to wait it out. 

 

Clarke put her phone back in her pocket and leaned her head back against the head board. 

 

“You don’t have to go through that alone Lexa...I’m right here. Whatever it is that you’re afraid is going happen, I can handle it. I’m not going anywhere. But this is killing me.”

 

“You’ve already done so much for me. I’m such a mess. Everyone has limits Clarke...I don’t want to keep being like this around you.”

 

“Well what if I want you to? What if I....care about you so much that I can’t stand to see you hurt like this and not be able to help, even if it’s just a little bit? I want you to share this stuff with me Lexa...you’re not alone anymore.”

 

Lexa’s shoulders shook a little harder before she gave up and flung herself across the bed in to Clarke’s arms. Clarke pulled her over so she was straddling her lap facing her. Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke’s shoulders, digging her fingers in to Clarke’s skin and pressing her face into her neck. Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa, pulling her as close as possible and just holding her. Lexa’s whole body was shaking and Clarke could already feel that her neck and shirt were wet from her tears but she didn’t care. 

 

She rested her cheek against the top of Lexa’s head and sighed as she ran on hand up and down her back. 

 

“Thank you.” She whispered, which made Lexa cry harder. 

 

“You have to breathe Lexa.”

 

“I c-c-can’t.” 

 

Lexa choked out between sobs. She could feel herself completely loosing control and it was terrifying her. 

 

“D-don’t l-l-let g-g-gooo.” 

 

“I won’t. I promise. I’m right here. You’re safe.” 

 

Safe. The word made her cling even harder to Clarke as she realized that was part of what she’d been looking for for years. In addition to being loved and wanted, she hadn’t felt safe since her parents had died. The conversation with Nia that morning had severed the little safety she’d known; even though it had been hell she’d always known Nia would never make her leave. Now the only person she had was Clarke. 

 

Clarke, who had been more supportive in the past few weeks than anyone had been in years. Who wanted to deal with Nia herself this morning so she didn’t have to to through what was happening now. Who had looked completely devastated when Lexa wouldn’t allow herself to be comforted. 

 

Clarke felt Lexa’s crying and trembling lessen a little and she sighed, hoping the worst was over. She ran one hand up and down Lexa’s back and used the other to hold her tighter. 

 

“God I wish I could take all this from you.” 

 

Clarke murmured in Lexa’s hair. 

 

“I’m so scared Clarke...”

 

“Of what.”

 

“Everything. That I’m never going to be okay. That I’ll always be like this, and it will never get any better...of losing you....” 

 

“I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Her answer was immediate and so confident sounding that Lexa sat up so she could look at her. 

 

Clarke smiled and reached up to wipe Lexa’s face off. 

 

“Hey beautiful.”

 

Lexa laughed. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying, she could feel that her face was red and blotchy, and she was pretty certain there was at least some snot somewhere on her face. 

 

“There is no way I’m beautiful, right now especially.

 

“Yes you are. Besides, it made you laugh.”

 

Lexa tucked her face back in to Clarke’s neck and sighed deeply. 

 

“You’re okay.” Clarke whispered as she ran her fingers through Lexa’s hair. 

 

“Sometimes I don’t feel like I’ll ever be okay.”

 

“Of course you will be.”

 

“Everything makes me fall apart. It seems like that’s all I’ve done since we met. You’re going to get sick of it and-“

 

Lexa choked back a sob and couldn’t finish the sentence. 

 

“Hey. Shhhh. And nothing. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

“You’re all I have left...and that terrifies me...”

 

Clarke barely heard Lexa as she whispered against her neck, but what she said made her heart sink. 

 

“Is that what this is about?”

 

“Mostly. I didn’t know it would hit me this hard but...walking away from Nia this morning means she’ll never take me back. I don’t have other family or friends really....all I have is you. And we haven’t known each other very long and I’m so...messed up and you’ve done so much and I can’t just keep taking and I just...”

 

“Shhhh. I’m sorry if you feel like I pushed you to leave. I didn’t mean to. I just wanted you out of that situation so bad...”

 

“You didn’t. Nia making me send you that text was the last straw. I couldn’t handle them anymore. And I’m glad I left, it’s just scary and overwhelming.”

 

“I swear I’m not going anywhere Lexa. I’ve never felt like this about anyone else. And I know things are moving insanely fast but it just feels so right. You make so much sense. I want to be there for you, if you want me.”

 

“Clarke...you have no idea how much I want you.”

 

“Then that’s all that matters. We’ll figure out everything else one day at a time, okay?” 

 

With those words, something clicked inside Lexa. She didn’t have to look at Clarke to know the other girl meant what she said; she could just feel it and it brought on a sudden feeling of peace and security she hadn’t felt in years. For the first time in a long time she had hope that someday she would be okay. 

 

Clarke felt the change in Lexa; the shaking stopped and she relaxed against her. Clarke sighed and let herself relax too, knowing the worst was over. She smiled when she felt Lexa’s arms tighten around her and she gently kissed her neck. 

 

“Thank you will never be enough...” Lexa whispered into Clarke’s neck.

 

“Being with you is enough, Lexa.”

 

Lexa laughed quietly and Clarke smiled, lazily tracing patterns across her back with her fingertips. 

 

“I could so fall asleep right now with you doing that.”

 

“Go ahead, Raven said we have a few hours, I’ll wake you up in a little bit.” 

 

Lexa was going to argue, but she really was exhausted and being in Clarke’s arms felt so good, so she decided not to and instead closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. 

 

Clarke smiled as she felt Lexa fall asleep. She was glad the girl hadn’t argued with her; sleep was probably the best thing for her. Clarke shifted and pulled her phone out of her pocket with one hand and set the alarm in case she fell asleep too. Then she leaned her head back against the headboard and closed her eyes, one hand still lazily making patterns on Lexa’s back.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long. I've been dealing with some personal stuff.

_____________________________________________________

Clarke decided that the ringing of her alarm had to be the most annoying sound on the planet as she fumbled around with one hand and finally found her phone to shut it off. 

 

She felt Lexa laugh against her as she wrapped her arms around her waist. 

 

“What are you laughing at?” She mumbled. 

 

“Your skill at turning that thing off without even looking at it.” She felt Lexa’s answer against her neck and smiled at the fact that the girl was still curled against her. 

 

“I hate it.”

 

“I’ve noticed. You fell asleep too?”

 

“Mhmm.”

 

“Well maybe I don’t feel so bad about falling asleep on you then.”

 

“No, don’t, I like you here.”

 

“I like me here too. But we really have to get going.”

 

“I know. You gonna be okay to go? You can stay here if you need to. I understand.”

 

“And miss watching you win the Grand Prix? I don’t think so.”

 

“No pressure, right?” Clarke laughed. 

 

Lexa sat up and looked at Clarke. 

 

“I didn’t mean that. You know I don’t care if you win or not, right? It doesn’t matter to me at all.”

 

“I know that. I was just teasing you.”

 

Clarke smiled and pulled on the front of Lexa’s shirt, but Lexa wouldn’t come any closer. Clarke raised one eyebrow at her. 

 

“Kisses are for winning, remember?” 

 

Lexa grinned. 

 

“Ugh. Can’t that start later? There should be a time frame, like....I don’t know...an hour before the class?”

 

“What kind of incentive would that be? An hour before the class you’re already up on the horse.”

 

“Details. Just one...come here.”

 

Clarke pulled harder and Lexa laughed as she put one hand on her chest. 

 

“Nope. Not until you win.”

 

“And if I don’t win?”

 

“It’s going to be a long night.”

 

Lexa smirked and moved to get off the bed but Clarke grabbed her hips and pulled her back down on her lap. 

 

“You know you want to kiss me.” 

 

“I do, so you better win your class.”

 

“Or...you could just kiss me now?”

 

Clarke slipped her hands under Lexa’s shirt and ran them slowly up her sides until the girl shivered like she knew she would. 

 

“Cheater.” 

 

Lexa whispered as she leaned forward and kissed Clarke’s neck, softly biting at the skin over her collar bone. 

 

“Hmmm, and you’re not?” Clarke moaned. 

 

“You started it.”

 

“You could just kiss me.”

 

“Where’s the fun in that?”

 

“God you drive me crazy.” 

 

Clarke practically growled and squeezed Lexa’s hips. Lexa laughed and kissed her forehead briefly before pulling out of her grasp and getting up off the bed. Clarke whined as she stood up behind her, wrapping her arms around her waist and pulling her back against her chest. 

 

“Oh my god Clarke stop it.” Lexa laughed as she pulled Clarke’s hands apart and stepped away from her. 

 

“Fine, but you better make it worth the wait.”

 

“Is that a challenge?”

 

“Damn right.”

 

“Well alright then, challenge accepted.”

 

Lexa winked before turning and walking into the bathroom. Clarke flopped onto the couch and groaned; the girl was going to be the death of her. 

 

She opened Facebook to see what kind of reaction their picture from earlier had gotten. 

 

Most of the comments revolves around everyone trying to figure out who Lexa was and it made her laugh. 

 

“What’s so funny?”

 

Lexa asked as she walked out of the bathroom. 

 

“Everyone online wondering who the hell you are.”

 

“You know at some point they are going to figure it out.”

 

“I know, it’s just fun to taunt them all.”

 

“You don’t care if people know who I am?”

 

“No, of course not. I mean I don’t really want that for you...all of the attention that will come with it. But I’m not hiding it from anyone. Obviously or I wouldn’t have let you kiss me at the show the way you did.”

 

“Right.”

 

“Lexa...if you want me to post who you are I’ll do it right now, happily. I’m just playing the game. I’m yours, and I don’t care who knows.”

 

“Hm, let them wonder a little longer. Besides, if I kiss you again after the Grand Prix it will really drive them crazy.” 

 

“If waiting doesn’t drive me crazy first. Come on, let’s get to the barn. Take my mind off wanting to kiss you.”

 

Lexa laughed and followed Clarke out the door. Clarke took her hand and pulled her close as they walked towards the elevator. 

_______________________________________

 

“You should go. It’s your last show, this is her last class.”

 

Lexa insisted as she tried to hand Clarke’s bottle of Gatorade to Raven, who wouldn’t take it. 

 

“She doesn’t want me out there, she wants you. I’m not upset Lexa. I’m thrilled actually. I was worried about leaving her until you came along.”

 

“But Raven...”

 

“But Raven nothing. This is your job now. Go, take care of her. She doesn’t seem like she needs it, but it’s the little things that are important to her.”

 

Lexa nodded and walked out to the warmup arena where Clarke was taking Helios over the fence. She could tell by the look on Clarke’s face that something was wrong. 

 

“What’s the matter?” She asked as she took Helios’s rein when they got to the gate. 

 

“He’s super hot. He just wants to go.”

 

“Too hot?”

 

“Almost. It will depend on him. He might fight me too hard.”

 

Lexa handed Clarke the Gatorade, which she waved away. 

 

“Drink something please.” Lexa took the lid off and Clarke absentmindedly took the bottle and drank half before handing it back. 

 

She was watching the other riders go; Lexa knew she was trying to figure out how the course was going and if she was going to have to make any super tight turns that Helios would fight her on. 

 

“Want me to get up on him so you can go watch a few rounds?”

 

“That would be awesome. Just keep him moving, don’t wear him out or fight him too much.”

 

Lexa nodded as Clarke handed her her helmet. She put it on and Clarke gave her a leg up before waking away to watch the class. 

 

Helios immediately started prancing underneath her. 

 

“Alright, Alright. Just chill would you? You’re stressing your mother out.”

 

She softly ran her hand down his neck and headed back into the warmup arena. He was too amped up to keep at the walk so she asked for the trot and he almost leapt into the canter. Rather than fight him, she let him canter half the arena then asked for trot. 

 

“Easy buddy.” 

 

She murmured as she asked him to slow down and collect himself. Rather than fight to keep him slow, she started asking him for lateral work; leg yield, shoulder in and side pass. She kept to the rail most of the time and reversed directions once, trying to keep him evenly worked on both sides. 

 

He fought with her a little bit at first but then settled down and worked quietly. 

 

“Lexa, ride in.”

 

She rode over to Clarke, who still looked concerned. 

 

“It’s got a few tight turns. We might argue on this one. If he fights too much we won’t go clean.”

 

“Don’t worry about it too much.”

 

Lexa said softly as she dismounted and handed Clarke her helmet. Clarke looked distracted as she put her helmet on and Lexa gave her a leg up. 

 

“I’m going to take him over the fence one more time then I’ll go over the course with you.”

 

“Okay. Hey. Look at me.” Lexa squeezed Clarke’s knee as their eyes met. 

 

“Just ride babe, don’t over think it. You’re getting lost in your own head. I can see it, he can feel it. Breathe. A pretty amazing rider once told me, he doesn’t care about anything but you. You do the same for him.”

 

Clarke smiled down at Lexa and briefly squeezed her hand. 

 

“Thank you.” She whispered before collecting her reins and heading out in to the arena. 

 

She smiled broadly when she asked for the canter and Helios quietly stepped into the gait. He took the jump flawlessly, even accepting Clarke’s correction of his speed. She rode over to the rail and stopped at Lexa. 

 

“What ever you did with him was perfect. He is absolute perfection right now.”

 

“Good, I’m glad.”

 

“No Lexa, you don’t understand. He’s focused, he’s listening, he’s accepting correction and he still has enough go to win this thing. He’s literally in the perfect mindset. Thank you. You’re amazing.”

 

Lexa blushed as a few other riders heard her praise and turned to see who she was talking to. 

 

“Clarke shhh.”

 

“No. I mean it, you’re incredible.”

 

“Ok, you’re welcome. Please stop. People are starting to stare.”

 

“Get used to it babe, your girlfriend is a loud mouth. Not to mention usually the center of attention.”

 

“Which is fine. You can be the center of everything but I don’t like it. Get your ass out here and go over your course.”

 

Clarke laughed and rode out of the arena. They stepped off the to the side and Clarke went over her course with Lexa as they watched the rider before her go. 

 

“There is one clean ride so far. Ontari goes last.”

 

“I don’t care about her, just have a good ride.”

 

“Alright, I’m up.”

 

Lexa walked with her to the gate and patted Helios on the shoulder as they rode in. 

 

“Don’t suck!”

 

She called after them and saw Clarke’s shoulders shake as she laughed. 

 

“Did you just tell Clarke Griffin not to suck?” A girl asked from the rail next to the arena. 

 

“Yes I did.” 

 

“Well that’s bold of you.”

 

“Well, she’s my girlfriend, so I’m pretty sure she doesn’t mind.”

 

“Girlfriend? That’s funny. Clarke Griffin doesn’t date, she just sleeps around. Everyone knows that.”

 

“Hmm. There’s a first time for everything.”

 

“You just keep telling yourself that. She’ll be done with you in a week.” 

 

Lexa laughed and went to join Raven at the rail as Clarke headed to her first fence. 

 

“What was she saying?”

 

“She made a comment about what I tell Clarke when she goes in the ring. I told her I’m her girlfriend so she won’t care. According to her, Clarke doesn’t date, just sleeps around. She’ll be done with me by next week.”

 

Raven snorted in laughter. 

 

“Based on the way she looks at you, I doubt Clarke will ever be done with you. You guys are ridiculously cute together.”

 

Lexa blushed, then turned all of her attention to the ring as Clarke started jumping. Her and Helios were completely in tune with each other and the whole ride was flawless. She went clear and a full second faster than the other clear rider.

 

“Ladies and gentlemen, Clarke Griffin always delivers! We will have a jump off.”

 

The crowd cheered and Clarke smiled and waved as she let Helios canter in a circle before heading to the out gate. 

 

Lexa met her at the gate and she was all smiles. 

 

“You were perfect in there.” 

 

Lexa smiled up at her as she patted Helios on the shoulder. The big gelding huffed and rubbed his head against her shoulder as they walked. 

 

“I think he’s starting to like you almost as much as I do.” Clarke laughed. 

 

“Almost? I have some work to do.”

 

“I don’t know that anyone can like you as much as I do.”

 

Lexa laughed as she handed Clarke the rest of her Gatorade.

 

“Oh, I don’t know, according to that girl on the rail over there you’ll be tired of me by next week.”

 

“She’s just jealous.”

 

“I’d be jealous too if I weren’t me. You’re pretty damn amazing.” 

 

“So smooth.”

 

“Want me to walk him so you can watch?”

 

“Nah, I know they’ll be a jump off already. Normally I’d watch Ontari but after this morning I think it would just make me angry and I don’t want to screw up this thing Helios and I have got going. I’m going to go walk him around. I’m staying away from the warm up arena.” 

 

“Mind if I walk with you? I don’t really want to see Ontari either.”

 

“Of course not.”

 

Lexa smiled and walked next to Helios’s shoulder as they walked around the outside of a few of the smaller arenas. Occasionally the gelding would turn his head back and bump her with his nose as they walked, which made Clarke laugh. 

 

“He has good taste.” 

 

“Like his mother?”

 

“Exactly like his mother.”

 

“Well I’m glad he approves, since I’m sure if he hated me it would be a deal breaker.”

 

“Oh totally. Him liking you is more important than meeting my mother. You got the hard part out of the way first.”

 

Lexa laughed and reached back and slapped Clarke on the leg. Part of her was terrified at the thought of meeting Clarke’s mom, and the other part of her was sad that Clarke would never meet hers. 

 

“My mom would have loved you.” She said quietly. 

 

“You’ll have to tell me about her sometime. When you’re ready.”

 

Lexa nodded and they turned back towards the show arena. Raven met them near the gate. 

 

“Ontari went clean. She’s riding Reaper. Clarke you had the fastest time but I’m sure she was holding back to save him for the jump off.”

 

“What’s the order of go for the jump off?”

 

“Your favorite. Random draw. They’re doing it now.”

 

As she finished speaking the announcer called the order of go for the jump off and Clarke was last.

 

“Perfect. There are only three of us. The other rider, Ontari then me.” 

 

“The other rider is going in now. You gonna come watch Lexa?” Raven asked as she turned back towards the arena. 

 

“No, I’m going to stay here.” 

 

“Of course you are.” Raven winked as she went back to the rail. 

 

Clarke kicked her feet out of the irons and nudged Lexa with the toe of her boot. 

 

“You can go watch if you want. I’m fine.”

 

“I know. I’d just rather stay here. Unless I’m bothering you.”

 

“No, not at all. I think Helios likes the attention.”

 

Lexa smiled as she leaned against the geldings shoulder and scratched his nose when he turned his head back towards her. 

 

“You have to go kick ass out there, ok? Behave yourself and don’t argue with your mother. Take care of her out there.”

 

He huffed into her hands and then softly butted her in the stomach with his nose. 

 

“What are you telling my horse?”

 

“That is between me and him, thank you very much.”

 

“You better not be promising him kisses too. Or if you are, he better know he comes after me.” 

 

“You’re the only one I bribe with kisses.”

 

“Good. It better stay that way.”

 

“Considering there is no one else I’d want to kiss, I’m sure it won’t be a problem.”

 

“I really should go watch Ontari’s ride. She’s probably going to be who I need to beat.”

 

Lexa nodded and they walked over to the arena. The first rider had a rail down and Ontari was just starting her ride. 

 

“Reaper is good. Not as much speed as her mare, but better turns and he doesn’t fight her as much.”

 

Clarke nodded as she watched Ontari go. The girl stayed unusually quiet in the saddle and had a clean round with a decently fast time. 

 

“Nothing fancy, but she was fast.” Clarke muttered.

 

“You could make a tight turn after the forth fence. Shouldn’t be too ugly but enough to beat her. There is a super ugly turn to the last fence, but it’s a big oxer and you’d be coming in at an angle.”

 

Clarke looked out at the course and smiled. 

 

“You really have the right mind for this. I’m going to have some tough competition when we get you in the show ring.”

 

Lexa’s mouth fell open but she didn’t have time to respond because Clarke was already headed towards the arena. She caught up to Helios and patted him on the shoulder. 

 

“We’ll discuss that later. Don’t suck.”

 

Clarke nodded and headed in to the arena as Ontari was headed out. Lexa’s first reaction was to try to hide or at least avert her eyes, but she changed her mind and kept her head up, meeting Ontari’s glare. 

 

Ontari said nothing but held the eye contact as she rode past Lexa; she could practically feel the hate coming from the other girl and just shook her head softly as she focused on Clarke. 

 

“You’ve made a stupid mistake.” Ontari said quietly as she squeezed in next to Lexa at the rail. 

 

“You should leave.” Raven practically growled from Lexa’s other side. Lexa turned to Raven. 

 

“Don’t. It’s what she wants. She’s just doing it to fuck with Clarke.”

 

As if on cue, Clarke glanced over towards them and her whole expression changed. Lexa smiled and shook her head slightly. 

Her bell hadn’t rung yet, so Clarke circled Helios closer to the rail. 

 

“I’m fine babe, just ride.” Lexa smiled, their eyes met for a second and Clarke relaxed again then glared at Ontari as her bell rang. She pointed Helios at the first jump, determined not only to win, but to wipe the floor with Ontari’s time. 

 

She asked Helios for speed coming in to the first fence and he happily obliged. Lexa’s grinned as she realized what Clarke was doing. She gripped Raven’s arm as Clarke didn’t bother slowing down at all for the second fence. 

 

“Wow, Griffin is riding like she has something to prove!” The announcer called as Clarke headed for the third jump, still not slowing down. 

 

Helios was perfect; he was listening to Clarke as she asked him to adjust his stride and not fighting with her to go faster as he sometimes would when she pushed him for speed. They flew over the third fence and headed to the fourth. She slowed him down a few strides before the fence in preparation for the tight turn after it. He responded beautifully and started turning the second he hit the ground. Clarke smiled and asked him for speed again. They were having one of those rides she lived for and she was going to take advantage of it. 

 

Lexa held her breath and gripped Raven’s arm tighter as Helios flew over the fifth fence. 

 

“Jesus christ Clarke slow down.” She muttered. Raven laughed and patted her hand. 

 

“This is nothing. Those two can really fly if she asks for more.”

 

“Oh god I can’t.”

 

As if Clarke heard Raven, Helios landed after the fifth jump and Clarke asked for even more speed. 

 

“Oh someone is showing off.” Raven grinned. Lexa couldn’t take her eyes off Clarke long enough to see what Ontari’s reaction was and she didn’t really care; Clarke was mesmerizing to watch. 

 

Clarke smiled as her and Helios flew through the rest of the course without slowing down at all. She knew she was beating Ontari’s time by quite a bit so she decided to skip the last difficult turn but kept her speed up going in to the last fence. Helios flicked his ears forward and launched himself over the fence, giving her more speed upon landing before she even asked for it. 

 

“Good boy!” She called, patting his neck as the audience erupted in cheers. He craned his neck and snorted, showing off the way he always did for the crowd as Clarke circled him a few times at the canter before asking him to slow down. 

 

She had beaten Ontari’s jump off time by almost 4 seconds and the crowd was going crazy. They were well aware of the rivalry between the two riders and loved it when they came head to head in jump offs. Helios jigged sideways at the trot before finally slowing to a walk just before the gate where Lexa was already waiting. 

“Holy shit. That was crazy to watch. You guys were flying.” She beamed as she took Helios’s rein then hugged him around the neck. 

 

“What a good boy! Thank you.”

 

“You okay? I saw Ontari next to you on the rail...”

 

“Didn’t speak to her. She just wanted to fuck with your head.”

 

Clarke was about to reply when someone from the stands yelled,

 

“Kiss her!”

 

It wasn’t long before the whole audience was chanting it and Clarke laughed. 

 

“Should we give the people what they want?”

 

Lexa blushed bright red but nodded slowly. 

“Oh god, this should be good.” Raven laughed as she walked up on the other side of Helios and took his reins. Clarke dismounted and put her hands on Lexa’s hips as she pulled her close. 

 

“We don’t have to do this here.” She whispered.

 

“I owe you one, you won.”

 

“I know, but it doesn’t have to be here, like this.”

 

“I know. But you’re mine, and it’s time everyone knows it.”

 

“Pretty sure they already do but I’m not going to argue with you.”

 

“Good. Then shut up.”

 

Lexa’s smile was wicked as she slid one hand behind Clarke’s neck and kissed her. Clarke closed her eyes and moaned softly as their tongues met. She wrapped her arms around Lexa’s waist, pulling her closer. 

 

Lexa wrapped both arms around Clarke’s neck and kissed her harder until she felt the blonde start to tremble slightly. She pulled back briefly, tugging Clarke’s bottom lip as she went. 

 

“You ok?”

 

“God yes...”

 

Clarke wrapped one hand in Lexa’s hair as she pulled her back in to their kiss. Lexa ran her hands down Clarke’s back, resting one in the small of her back and running one lower until she grabbed her ass and pulled her close again. Clarke gasped and pulled back from the kiss, her forehead resting on Lexa’s. 

 

“Shit Lexa.”

 

“Mine.” Lexa smirked and kissed Clarke’s neck slowly before pulling back and draping her arms around her neck. 

 

“Congratulations.” She smiled warmly. 

 

“Right. Horse show. That’s what’s going on here.” 

 

“Mhmm. So was it worth the wait?”

 

“Uh, yes. God damn woman.”

 

“Guys. You might want to break it up so Clarke can ride again? Or before I have to hose you down.”

 

“It’s not that bad Raven.” Lexa laughed. 

 

“Oh, I’m pretty sure everyone in those stands wants you right now Lexa. That was hot as hell.”

 

“Yea...it was...” Clarke agreed. 

 

“Well too bad. They can’t have me. I’m taken.”

 

Clarke smiled and kissed her briefly before letting go, which earned another round of screams from the crowd. Lexa gave her a leg up and stood there smiling as she watched her ride back into the ring. Raven walked up next to her and bumped their shoulders together. 

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look so happy.”

 

“I’ve never been this happy. I can’t...I don’t know what she sees in me.” 

 

“You see her. Not the picture that everyone else paints. That’s all she’s ever wanted.”

 

“She’s...incredible. I don’t deserve her but I’m damn glad she wants me.”

 

“She is incredible. She feels the same way about you. I’ve known her for a long time Lexa, and she’s never been this way with anyone else. She’s falling in love with you, and she’d kill me if she knew I said that to you, but she is.”

 

“She...said that to you?”

 

“No. But I know her and I can tell.”

 

“Why are you telling me this?”

 

“Because I know you doubt things. I can see it sometimes, the way you look at her when she’s not looking. Like you’re afraid she’s going to disappear. I just want you to know she’s not. You matter too much already and you won’t find many people more loyal than Clarke.”

 

“Things have just been moving so fast. It’s so crazy...”

 

“Maybe. But does it feel wrong?”

 

“No. That’s the crazy part. It feels so right.”

 

“Then don’t fight it. You guys are meant for each other. Let it happen.”

 

“I am, because if I’m being honest, I’m falling in love with her too.”

 

Their conversation lapsed into comfortable silence as they watched Clarke ride her victory lap. She blew a kiss at Lexa on her way past and the crowd cheered again. Lexa shook her head, but couldn’t have wiped the smile off her face if she’d bothered trying. 

 

“Go get her.” Lexa gently pushed Raven as Clarke rode towards the gate. 

 

“It’s your last Grand Prix with her. I’ll take over from here, but you get her.”

 

Raven nodded with tears in her eyes as she walked out to meet Clarke. Clarke looked up and saw Raven instead of Lexa and immediately started crying. She jumped down off Helios and threw her arms around Raven. 

 

“I’m going to miss you so much Rae.”

 

“I’m going to miss you too, but what a class to end on. And I’m leaving you in good hands.”

 

“Yea, you are. But I’m still going to miss you.”

 

“We’ll still talk and see each other. And you’ll be so busy being in love with Lexa you won’t miss me nearly as much as you think you will.”

 

“Yes I will. I’ll miss you a lot Raven.”

 

Raven let go and smiled knowingly at Clarke. 

 

“What is that smile for?”

 

“You didn’t deny being in love with Lexa.”

 

“I...fuck. No. Because I am. Which is ridiculous because we barely know each other.”

 

“Doesn’t matter. When you know you know. I’m glad you found her Clarke. I feel better about leaving you now.”

 

“Will you still come back and hit her if I need you to?”

 

“Of course. I’ll come back any time you need me to. No questions asked. You know that.”

 

“I know. I love you Rae.”

 

“I love you too Clarke. Let’s get back to the barn. Go get your girl. I’ve got Helios.”

 

_My girl. That she certainly is._ Clarke thought to herself as she headed over to where Lexa was leaning against the arena rail. 

 

“Hey you.” She called out when she was about ten feet away. Lexa turned and smiled brightly at her. Clarke held her arms open and when Lexa stepped into them she wrapped her arms around her waist, picked her up and spun her in a circle. Lexa squeaked, then giggled as Clarke set her down. 

 

“What was that for?”

 

“Just...insanely happy right now. That ride was the kind of ride I live for. Thank you.”

 

“Me? It was your ride Clarke.”

 

“We were not going to have that ride until you got on him in the warm up. It takes a team Lexa. Your part of that team now. So thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome.” Lexa said quietly, ducking her head so Clarke didn’t see her starting to cry. 

 

“Hey,” she whispered, putting her hand under Lexa’s chin and tilting her head back up, “Don’t hide from me. You don’t ever have to hide anything from me.”

 

“I know. Habit. These are happy tears anyhow. It’s just nice to feel like I belong somewhere.”

 

“You do. Right here, with me.” 

 

Clarke smiled as she wrapped her arm around Lexa’s waist and pulled her against her side. Lexa blushed and leaned in to her. 

 

“Come on, let’s get back to the barn.”

 

Lexa nodded and they headed back to Arkadia’s barn aisle. They were about halfway there when someone yelled. 

 

“Clarke Griffin you slut!”

 

Lexa tensed but was surprised when Clarke laughed and let go of her to turn around. 

 

“Octavia Blake, you bitch!” 

 

She called back and met the dark haired girl who was walking towards them in a long hug. 

 

“God it’s been forever, how are you?” The girl asked. Clarke smiled. 

 

“Good. Really, really good. How are you?”

 

“Pretty good too. Who the hell is this mystery girl that’s all over the Internet with you?”

 

“She’s why I’ve been really good. Lexa, come here.”

 

Clarke waved her over and she hesitated before moving to stand at Clarke’s side. 

 

“Octavia this is my girlfriend Lexa. Lexa, this is Octavia Blake.”

 

“Nice to meet you.” Lexa smiled as she shook Octavia’s hand. The girl was breath taking; dark hair, green eyes and the facial structure of a Greek goddess.

 

“You too. Girlfriend huh? You must be damn special. Clarke doesn’t date. Lord knows my brother tried.”

 

“You’re Bellamy’s sister?”

 

“The one and only. Try not to hold it against me. I love him; but I’m well aware that he’s an asshole.”

 

“Lexa is not your brother’s biggest fan.” Clarke laughed.

 

“Pretty sure he’s not mine either.” 

 

“Wait...are you the girl from the awards dinner that told him he wasn’t your type because he was male?”

 

“Yea, that would be me.”

 

“Oh my god, that was amazing. I wish I had been there. I heard about it from a few people, and of course Bellamy was not amused. And you’re dating Clarke. No wonder he can’t stand you.”

 

“Well, the feeling is mutual. I can’t stand the way he talks to her.” 

 

“Me either. I’m glad she has someone that stands up for her. Not that she can’t do it herself, but she just lets people talk.” 

 

“It’s just easier that way.”

 

“That’s what you’ve always said. I gotta run, I just wanted to say hi to you while I was here. It’s good to see you. And I’m glad you’re happy. You deserve someone who makes you happy.”

 

“She does. And it was good seeing you too. Don’t be a stranger.”

 

“I won’t. See you later. Nice meeting you Lexa.”

 

“You too.”

 

Octavia and Clarke hugged goodbye and Octavia headed back down the barn aisle. Clarke wrapped her arm back around Lexa as they headed back to Arkadia’s barn.

 

“She’s so much different than Bellamy.”

 

“She always has been. Her and I stayed friends after shit fell apart between Bell and I.”

 

“She seems nice.”

 

“She can be. She can also be your worst nightmare.”

 

“That sounds more like Bellamy.”

 

Clarke laughed and Lexa pressed closer in to her side and smiled. Clarke squeezed her hip. 

 

“We haul home tomorrow, then it’s just me and you for a while.”

 

“Sounds amazing.”

 

“Mhmm. Not that I’m not looking forward to dinner with Raven tonight, because I am, I just...want you to myself for a while.”

 

“I’m so okay with that. I can’t wait to see Arkadia. And your other horses. I’m a little terrified of meeting your mom, I won’t lie.”

 

“You have nothing to be terrified of. She’ll love you. But she won’t be there so you don’t have to worry yet.” 

 

“God do two ever let go of each other?” Raven called from in front of the tack room as they walked up. Lexa laughed and wrapped her arms around Clarke’s neck, pressing a kiss to her cheek. 

 

“Never.” 

 

“Clearly. You’re gross.”

 

“You also say we’re cute.” Clarke teased as she tried to keep walking with Lexa hanging on to the side of her neck. 

 

“You’re both...and at the moment also kind of awkward.”

 

“Oh, I can cling more.” Lexa laughed and wrapped her legs around Clarke’s like a little kid.

 

“Oh my god Lexa I’m going to fall.” Clarke laughed a she stopped walking and tried to hold Lexa up. 

 

“You’re the one who calls me spider monkey.”

 

“Yes, and this is why.”

 

“I’m so videoing this shit.” Raven pulled her phone out of her pocket as Lexa moved her arms from Clarke’s neck to around her waist. 

 

“There, better?”

 

“I can’t walk like this Lexa oh my god.” Clarke was laughing so hard she could barely breathe. 

 

“Yes you can.”

 

“I can’t. Let go. We’re both going to fall.”

 

“You can walk. Try.”

 

“You’re ridiculous.”

 

“I know. Do it anyhow.”

 

Clarke huffed and shuffled forward a few steps before almost falling over. Lexa laughed, put her feet down and let go of Clarke’s waist. 

 

“See? You could walk.” 

 

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re really fucking cute?” 

 

Clarke whispered as she pulled on the front of Lexa’s hoodie and pulled her close. 

 

“Mhmm.”

 

Lexa smiled, lazily wrapping her arms around Clarke’s neck. 

 

“Oh really? Who?”

 

“This gorgeous blonde, with the most amazing blue eyes I’ve ever seen.” 

 

“She sounds nice.”

 

“I kinda like her.”

 

“Only kinda?”

 

“Well... if I tell you a secret, do you promise not to tell her?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Lexa leaned forward and rested her head on Clarke’s shoulder as she whispered in her ear.

 

“I think I might be falling in love with her.”

 

Lexa felt Clarke’s breath catch, and then her arms tightened around her waist as she took a deep, shaky breath. Lexa closed her eyes and pressed her face into Clarke’s neck, hoping she hadn’t said too much too soon. 

 

“Can I tell you a secret too?” Clarke whispered, her voice raspy.

 

“Of course.”

 

“She might be falling in love with you too.”

 

Lexa tightened her arms around Clarke’s neck and let out the breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. 

 

“Lexa?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Kiss me.”

 

Lexa smiled and softly kissed the side of Clarke’s neck. 

 

“You know what I mean.”

 

“I do, but it’s fun to mess with you.”

 

Lexa laughed as she kissed Clarke. It was a soft, slow kiss and they both pulled back smiling. 

 

“Okay I don’t know what you two said to each other but that was the cutest thing ever.” Raven teased, still videoing. 

 

“Oh geez Rae, turn that off.” Clarke scolded as she waved her hand towards the camera. Raven ended the video and sent it in a text to Clarke before shoving her phone back in her pocket. 

 

“What time is dinner tonight?”

 

“Reservations are at eight.”

 

“We have a few hours. Do you mind if I go find Luna?”

 

“Not at all. We’ll see you guys at dinner.”

 

“Thanks Clarke.” Raven called over her shoulder as she walked down the barn aisle. 

 

Clarke walked over to Lexa, who had made her way to the front of Helios’s stall and was leaning against the door talking to him softly. 

 

“Am I interrupting something?” Clarke said quietly as she slipped her arms around Lexa’s waist. 

 

“No, not at all. I was just telling him how amazing he was today. You guys looked like you weren’t even trying.”

 

“That’s what it feels like too when it’s like that. It’s incredible. Thank you again.”

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

“I can’t wait to see you have rides like that on Saga.”

 

“You bought her?”

 

“Mhmm.”

 

Lexa bit the corner of her bottom lip to stop the smile from spreading across her face. 

 

“Are you excited?” Clarke whispered; Lexa could hear the smile in her voice.

 

“You know I am.”

 

“Good, because she’s pretty much yours. We pick her up tomorrow before we leave.”

 

“Clarke...I... thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome. I have a feeling about you and her together.”

 

“Hopefully I don’t let you down.”

 

“You won’t.”

 

“I wish I believed in myself as much as you seem to.”

 

“You will. And until then, you’ve got me to do it for you.”

 

Lexa turned in Clarke’s arms so she was facing her and just stared at her, smiling. 

 

“What is that look for?”

 

“How the hell did I find you?”

 

“I ask myself the same thing about you.”

 

“So, what are we doing for the next few hours?”

 

“Back to the room? Unless you want to do something else?”

 

“No, the room is fine. I just don’t know that I have anything nice enough to wear to dinner, so I might need to go shopping.”

 

“I kinda took care of it already...”

 

“What?”

 

“Found a dress online. I had someone pick it up. It’s in the room. Unless you hate it. Then we can go shop.”

 

“Clarke... I can’t handle you. Let’s go try on the damn dress.”

 

“I just... It was so pretty and I thought it would look amazing on you so I had someone get it. If you hate it, it’s fine.”

 

“I’m sure I’ll love it. Let’s go see.”

 

Clarke looped her arm through Lexa’s, linking their elbows as they headed towards their hotel room.

_______________________________________

 

“Well? Does it fit?” 

 

Clarke called impatiently from outside the bathroom door. Lexa stood inside looking at herself in the full length mirror on the back of the door. 

 

The dress Clarke had chosen was black and slightly shimmery. It was tight and came down to her knees, except for the slit in one side that came to the top of her thigh. The back was a low V that went down to the small of her back. Strung across the V from the bottom all the way up to her shoulders were thin ropes of material with black crystals strung on them. It had three quarter length sleeves and front had a modest v neck line. It fit like it had been made for her. 

 

“Yes...it fits.” Lexa tugged at it self consciously. She didn’t have a problem with her body, but she didn’t go out of her way to show it off and wasn’t used to wearing tight dresses. She knew Clarke would like it though. The shoes she’d got to go with it were simple black shoes that had laces that wrapped up her calf to just below her knee. 

 

“I want to see. Open the door.”

 

“Nope. You can see it tonight.”

 

“Lexa. Don’t make me wait.”

 

“Oh you’re waiting.” Lexa laughed as she pulled the dress off and slipped her pajama pants and Clarke’s hoodie back on and opened the door. 

 

Clarke huffed and walked into the bedroom. 

 

“I can’t believe you didn’t let me see it.” 

 

She pouted as she flopped down on the bed and leaned back against the headboard. 

 

“You can see it tonight, when I do my hair and look like slightly less of a disaster.”

 

Lexa commented as she climbed into the bed and sat next to Clarke, leaning against the headboard next to her.

 

“But I’m impatient. I wanted to see it now.”

 

“Too bad, you have to wait.” 

 

Clarke groaned and turned on her side, curling herself in to Lexa. Lexa smiled as Clarke pressed against her, her arm draped across her stomach and her knee across Lexa’s thigh. She wrapped her arm around Clarke and sighed happily. 

 

Clarke was typically so confident and protective, Lexa was glad she let her guard down around her and let herself be held. 

 

After a few minutes Clarke slid her arm under Lexa’s hoodie so it was resting on the bare skin of her stomach. She would occasionally rub her thumb across her skin or lightly make patterns with her fingers but mostly she just wanted to be close. She loved that Lexa seemed to instinctively understand her need for someone to just quietly be there sometimes. She gently kissed the side of her neck and smiled at the happy little sigh Lexa responded with. 

 

“Is there something else we should be doing?” 

 

Clarke finally murmured against Lexa’s neck after they’d been sitting there for a while. 

 

“Not unless there’s something you want to do. I’m fine.”

 

“Have I mentioned I love how low key you are?”

 

“It’s been a stressful few weeks. It’s nice to just be with you. Besides, you’re really relaxed right now, which makes me happy.”

 

“Yes I am.” 

 

Clarke sighed and slowly ran her hand up Lexa’s stomach until her fingertips touched the bottom of her bra. She traced her index finger along the skin just under her bra line then down the middle of her stomach; she repeated the motion several times and it was all Lexa could do to hold still; it felt like Clarke’s touch was leaving a trail of fire across her skin and all she wanted was more. Clarke felt her breathing change and stopped, her hand resting across the middle of her stomach. 

 

“Sorry, you ok?”

 

“Mhmm... you don’t have to stop.”

 

“Do you want me to keep going?”

 

Lexa hesitated for a second, not because she wasn’t sure but because she was surprised by the question. 

 

“Yes.”

 

Clarke smiled and resumed the path she’d been making with her fingers. 

 

“More.” 

 

Lexa whispered after she’d traced the same trail a few times. 

 

“More how?”

 

“I... I don’t know.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Clarke ran her finger up Lexa’s stomach and between her breasts over her bra. She traced her finger lightly across the top of her bra and felt Lexa’s breath hitch. 

 

“I’m ok, keep going.” She whispered when she felt Clarke hesitate.

 

Clarke kissed her neck softly as she cupped one breast and ran her thumb over her nipple. 

 

Even though it was through her bra, the feeling sent a jolt through Lexa’s whole body. She moaned deep in her throat and arched in to Clarke’s touch, her whole body tensed. 

 

Clarke smiled into her neck and ran her hand back down her stomach, her thumb gently making circles across her skin. 

 

“Shhh. Relax. You’re okay.”

 

Lexa let out a shaky breath as Clarke kissed her neck again. It took a few minutes for Lexa to relax again. Clarke waited, her thumb slowly making circles across her lower stomach until Lexa slipped her hand under the hoodie and weaved their fingers together. 

 

“Sorry.” She whispered. 

 

“For what?” 

 

“That’s got to be mixed signals. I tell you more and then tense up like you’re going to kill me. I don’t know why...because god I want you...”

 

“I’m not upset. It hadn’t even crossed my mind. Believe me, with moans like that I know you want me.”

 

“I do... but then I don’t know what happens or why I get so tense...”

 

“Lexa, what happened to you was horrible. I’m sure you don’t associate good things with those feelings. I don’t blame you. Don’t worry about it. We have nothing but time.”

 

“You’re so patient.”

 

“There’s no reason not to be. I just want you to be comfortable.”

 

Lexa didn’t know how to respond so she just let the conversation lapse into silence. After a few minutes she turned on her side so she was facing Clarke and wiggled down on the bed until she could tuck her head under Clarke’s chin. 

 

Clarke laughed and draped one arm over Lexa. 

 

“Better?” Clarke asked, her chin resting on Lexa’s head. 

 

“Mhmm.”

 

“So other than horses and cuddling, what are you in to?”

 

“You.”

 

“Other than that, you dork. What did you do for fun after school?”

 

“I didn’t. I had so much homework and classwork I didn’t have time for anything really. Anyone I hung out with was in a class with me.”

 

“Okay, what about before your parents died?”

 

Lexa shifted uncomfortably; she never spoke about who she was before her parents died. In a way she felt like that girl died with them. 

 

“I don’t...really talk about that much. I feel like that part of me died with them.”

 

“Aww babe, no it didn’t. Or it didn’t have to anyways. You were just around people who made it feel like that.”

 

“No one really cared... so I didn’t either I guess...”

 

“Well I do.” 

 

“I was... in to different things. My mom always said I had too many dreams and not enough focus. I wanted to do it all. She always laughed when she said it, and always indulged my latest obsession. I took dance for a while. I tried figure skating but I was so bad. I loved to read. I used to write a lot, poetry mostly. I was learning to play drums. Piano was going to be next...”

 

Lexa let her train of thought trail off into silence as tears slowly ran down her face. Clarke felt her breathing change and knew she was crying. She leaned back so she could see Lexa’s face and wiped the tears off with her thumbs. 

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

 

“It’s okay. I know you didn’t.”

 

“When my dad died, I felt like part of me died with him too. I quit riding for a while. I refused to get out of bed. I slept a lot. I stopped talking to everyone. I just wanted to die. I was so angry.”

 

“I’m sorry. What happened to him?”

 

“Leukemia. They were hopeful at first, but treatment never put him in to complete remission. He died a year and a few months after he was diagnosed.”

 

“Oh Clarke...I’m so sorry...”

 

Lexa reached out and wiped a tear off Clarke’s cheek that she didn’t even realize had been there. 

 

“It’s okay. I guess at least I got to say goodbye. You didn’t get that and you lost both of your parents.”

 

“My loss doesn’t make yours any less tragic, and vice versa. Loss is loss, pain is pain.”

 

“I know...it just makes me think. You were so young and your life was just completely turned upside down. And then everything else that happened to you... at least I had my mom, my friends. Did you keep in touch with anyone?”

 

“No. I tried. My friends that were drunk that night felt horrible, like it was partly their fault because I needed to call for the ride. They tried to be there for me but Nia would have none of it. She had my phone shut off and eventually I lost contact with them.”

 

“You should try finding them again.”

 

“No...that part of my life is over...”

 

“I’m sure they cared about you Lexa. They would probably like hearing from you...”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Well, if you ever want to, I’ll help you find them.”

 

Lexa nodded against Clarke’s chest and absentmindedly ran her fingers through the blondes hair. Clarke smiled at how familiar the little things between them were becoming. 

 

“So you like to read. What’s your favorite book?”

 

“Oh geez. I can’t pick one. That would be like asking you to pick a favorite horse.”

 

“Ok, I can understand that. I read a lot too so I actually have the same problem.”

 

“Hmm. It’s probably a cliche answer but I really love the Harry Potter series.”

 

“Me too! It’s amazing. What house are you in? And if you say Slytherin, I’m going to have to break up with you.”

 

“What house do you think I’m in?”

 

“Gryffindor. Or...Ravenclaw. But my first guess would be Gryffindor.”

 

“Why Gryffindor?”

 

“Because. You’re brave, and loyal, and you stand up for people, and... determined. You’ve also got an adventurous side, but I think you keep it hidden.”

 

“What makes you say that?”

 

“Anyone who wants to ride Saga as bad as you do has to be adventurous. And determined. And probably brave.”

 

Lexa leaned back and raised one eyebrow as she looked at Clarke. 

 

“How do you know me so well when you haven’t known me very long at all?”

 

“Same way you know me. Because I pay attention to who you are, not who everyone else thinks you are...”

 

“Well you’re right, I’m Gryffindor. And I’ve never really agreed with it until hearing you describe me. Maybe I really am all those things.”

 

“You are.”

 

“Well so are you, because I have no doubt you’re Gryffindor too.”

 

“Yes I am. Have you been to Harry Potter world at universal?”

 

“Yea, right. I never got to do that kind of stuff. Nia wouldn’t have paid for it.”

 

“Well guess what we’re doing this week.”

 

“Seriously?!”

 

“If you want to.”

 

“Want to? Of course I want to. That would be amazing.”

 

Clarke smiled at Lexa’s excitement. It was the first time she’d just been excited about something without mentioning Clarke paying for it or not wanting to go because it cost money. 

 

“I’m glad you’re so excited. It’s pretty damn amazing. We’ll have to get you a wand at Olivander’s.”

 

“You can really buy wands there?”

 

“Yes. You get to watch a wand ceremony too. They usually pick kids though.”

 

“Oh my god that’s so cool though.”

 

“I have a Gryffindor robe, we’ll have to get you one too. If you want to walk around dressed up...”

 

“Oh my god really?! That would be so cool!”

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this excited.”

 

“I really love Harry Potter.”

 

“Me too. But it’s just cute to see you so excited.”

 

Lexa bit her bottom lip and tucked her face back in to Clarke’s neck. 

 

“Oh don’t hide, it’s cute. I like seeing you happy. It’s a good look for you.”

 

Lexa laughed and kissed Clarke’s neck softly. 

 

“I can’t wait to see Arkadia. I’ve heard it’s pretty impressive.” 

 

“It’s home. I love it there. It’s everything I dreamed a barn should be as a kid.”

 

“Why in Southern California? You could have gotten a way bigger place somewhere else.”

 

“Yea, but I love the weather in Southern California. Besides, it’s home. It’s where I grew up, it’s where I started.”

 

“The next show is at the LA Equestrian center, right?”

 

“It is. We’ll stable there because the horses settle in better and we’ll be there for two weeks.”

 

“Do you get a hotel?”

 

“Sometimes. Sometimes I stay in the motorhome. I always have the motorhome there to have somewhere to go during the day, but I don’t always like staying in it the whole time.”

 

“Does your mom ever come watch you ride?”

 

“Yea, when she’s around. She’s in Europe at the moment at some convention or workshop or something for surgeons.”

 

“Wow.”

 

“Yea, she’s pretty well regarded. She does a lot of charity work when she can.”

 

“That’s awesome. Apparently your amazingness is genetic.”

 

“Something like that.”

 

Clarke kissed Lexa’s forehead and Lexa tilted her head back, sliding her hand behind Clarke’s neck and pulling her forward until their lips met. 

 

“I don’t know that I’ll ever get used to what that feels like.” She whispered as the kiss ended. 

 

“Hm?”

 

“Kissing you. It’s like... everything else stops mattering. It’s just us.”

 

Clarke smiled and had to blink hard to stop her tears from falling. Lexa noticed anyways.

 

“Hey… don’t cry.”

 

“It’s not a bad thing. You’re just… I never thought I’d find this with anyone.”

 

“Yea, me either.”

 

Clarke smiled as their lips met again. Lexa slipped her hand under Clarke’s shirt and tentatively ran her fingers along Clarke’s stomach and side, her thumb softly tracing the line of her bra. Clarke fought to keep her breathing even; it wasn’t like Lexa to be forward at all and she didn’t want her to stop.

 

Lexa pulled back from the kiss and slowly kissed down the side of Clarke’s neck. They shifted positions and Lexa moved over Clarke, slipping both hands under her shirt and running them up her sides, moving her shirt with them. Their eyes met for a second and Clarke raised her arms, letting Lexa pull her shirt over her head. Her breath caught in her throat when Lexa did the same with her own shirt.

 

“You’re gorgeous.”

 

Lexa whispered as she leaned down and softly kissed Clarke’s chest. Clarke could tell the other girl was trembling and she lightly ran her fingers over Lexa’s shoulder.

 

“Lexa…babe, you’re trembling…”

 

“I know…”

 

“It’s okay, don’t do this to yourself.”

 

“I’m not…I just…I wanted this.”

 

Lexa kissed Clarke’s neck again as she arranged herself so she was laying across Clarke, her upper body draped across the blondes, her head tucked under her chin like it always was. Lexa sighed deeply as Clarke wrapped one arm around her.

 

“I just wanted to feel you…to be closer.”

 

“This is fine, its more than fine, but don’t push yourself for me.”

 

“I’m not, I promise. I just wanted to try.”

 

“You’re not shaking anymore.”

 

“I know.”

 

They laid that way until it was time to get up and get ready for Raven’s dinner, talking about whatever came across their minds. Clarke would occasionally run her fingers along Lexa’s back or shoulders and she smiled when the other girl finally completely relaxed against her.

 

“Come on, lets get up and get dressed. As comfortable as this is, I really want to see that dress on you.” Clarke kissed the top of Lexa’s head as she spoke and Lexa laughed.

 

“You have me laying on you in just pajama pants and a bra and you want me to put more clothes on?” She teased as she raised herself up on her arms and looked down at Clarke.

 

“Yes and no. I do want to go to Raven’s dinner, and I can’t take you like this. So, if you have to put clothes on anyhow, it might as well be that dress.”

 

Lexa kissed Clarke’s forehead briefly before getting up and heading to the bathroom, giggling softly at Clarke’s whine of protest as she went. She was looking forward to Raven’s dinner, but even more than that, she was looking forward to going home with Clarke and getting to just spend time with her.

The fact that she thought of Arkadia as home stopped her in her tracks and she realized it was the first time in a long time that she’d thought of anywhere as home, or that she’d looked forward to something.

“What’s wrong?” Clarke asked as she walked up behind Lexa and slipped her arms around her waist.

“Nothing…nothing bad anyhow.”

“Okay? Are you going to tell me why you just randomly stopped in the middle of the room?”

“I was thinking that I was looking forward to tonight, but I’m looking forward to going home even more.”

 “I feel the same way, but why did that make you just stop and stare blankly?”

 

Lexa turned in Clarke’s arms so she was facing the blonde.

 

“I…thought of Arkadia as home. I’ve never even seen it but I still think of it as home…I also haven’t looked forward to anything in…forever. I was just kind of existing.”

“Lexa…I…”

“Shh. It doesn’t matter anymore. Just…thank you. You’ve already helped me so much…”

“Babe…of course I-“

“Clarke…” Lexa raised one eyebrow and Clarke giggled.

“You’re welcome.”

“Much better. Now come on, let’s actually get ready for this dinner before we’re late. Which would be really tacky since you planned it.”

“I know, I know. You’re so distracting.”

Lexa leaned closer to Clarke and slipped her hand behind her neck and she kissed her.

“Not helping.” Clarke whispered as she pulled back briefly then kissed Lexa again.

“I know, can’t help myself. Maybe if you’re really good at dinner I’ll let you take this dress off of me later.”

Lexa smirked as she pulled back from the kiss and out of Clarke’s embrace. She headed towards the bathroom again, smiling as Clarke groaned something about life not being fair as she closed the door to get ready.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hello on Instagram @more.than.just.surviving


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